The wrong parent for my teen

[tunnocksreturns2019]

That’s me. The other one died.

I’m trying so, so hard, but getting it wrong.

Other DC is doing great.

I don’t know how to get through the next five years.

Op I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry for your and dc’s loss.

What are the specific issues - can we help?

Please please don’t forget that whatever our faults as parents it’s loving them that matters most. That’s the real key. If you are doing that almost anything else can be fixed

Fellow widowed parent here. My child is younger but I feel the same. I'm quiet, introverted. She's the most outgoing, sociable child I've ever met. She takes after her dad 100% in personality. It's exhausting and I'm mired in guilt. I don't have anything useful to say really but you're not alone and we're doing our best under shitty circumstances.

Thank you both. So sorry too. Xdecd

I’m all out of resilience. Eldest has Inattentive ADHD and anxiety and is struggling so much. I’m absorbing it all and only get to ‘rest’ midnight-6am, and even then I have nightmares.

I took a day off work without the kids today for the first day in months even though I can’t really afford the time, and have just had one of DC’s teachers on the phone asking what I can do about his inattention in class because he’s about to get moved down a set.

I have tried and am trying EVERYTHING to help him.

And I feel like there’s none of me left.

Unless he's medicated then there really isn't much can be done about his attention span. He has adhd. It's like a teacher ringing you up to ask how you are going to change his height or the colour of his skin. You need to ask them what are THEY doing to engage him while he's there .

Going to look at a different school next week. More vocational. No homework.

Yep I know. And I said that. He’s medicated. Can’t increase his dose as he’s so slight.

Most teachers at his school seem to think ADHD is an active choice.

They sound like idiots. I've combined adhd , diagnosed in my 30s and there is no way anybody would choose to be this way. Sounds like the school isn't a good fit for him. They are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

Yes. If he isn’t keen on this other school I don’t know what we’ll do. Just accept he’s going to fail all his GCSEs, I suppose. I just want him to feel better in himself.

Can he tell you what he is struggling with ? Is the lesson too long? Is it the subject he hates?

Well this teacher was from his favourite subject so that was interesting. He’s usually bottom set, in this one he’s top - and soon to move down by the sounds of it.

The worst thing I could do is get on his case about it. I know that.

It’s in the morning so in theory he should be at his best, but he isn’t doing anything he’s asked. Not disruptive, just not doing it.

Have different meds been tried op? I have one with adhd too