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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16years olds -youth hostel holiday should she go?

30 replies

grittypud · 10/12/2007 10:52

A group of my dd friends want to go to a youth hostel in Newquay just after gcses. We are not happy about this for several reasons but saying no when ' everybody else is going ' is going to cause major arguments .She is expected to get good grades but of course we won't know results until after the event, The web site says it is for 16 to 25 year olds . I don't want a just 16 mixing with 20 year boys (men), near night clubs & beaches ,with no curfew . it is also costing @ £400 in total which would be best put to her major trip to Ecuador summer 2008. She could go to this type of thing when 18 . Having written this down just convinces me further that it is not a good idea but''''' how to cope with her understandable grief at being left out ?
any comments /help please.!

OP posts:

titchy · 10/12/2007 11:13

I don't have teenagers so not really qualified to comment (yet!), but a couple of things come to mind - firstly do you know the others that are thinking about going? What are they like as a group, totally reckless or fairly sensible? What do the others parents think? Also when is this trip - after GCSEs makes me think next summer but you said Ecuador is next summer? How many will there be on holiday? Is it just girls?

I went on holiday with friends just after my O Levels (so donkeys years ago!), and tbh although we drank loads we were actually quite sensible and wouldn't do anything silly. We also looked out for each other and there were a couple of boys in the group so we didn't really get any hassle from strange men.

The cost seems very excessive for a youth hostel I have to say - is that right? I wold certainly make her pay some, if not all, of it.

jesuswhatnext · 10/12/2007 11:15

i think the fact that some 'want' to go is a fairly salient(sp) point! that implies that maybe they won't be allowed to go either

we are having the self same convo with our 16yo dd, i am finding that it is not a foregone conclusion that ALL parents have agreed to what is being proposed!

if i were you i would be in touch with dd friends parents and see you the land lies

sandyballs · 10/12/2007 11:19

I haven't got teenage girls, yet, mine are only 6, so my opinions may change in the next ten years. But, remembering back to when I was 16 I think you should let her go. I had my first holiday away from parents at that age and we didn't go completely mad, only a little . I think you should trust her, she's not a baby any more. It would be mortifying to be one of the only ones not allowed to go.

ajandjjmum · 10/12/2007 11:20

My ds has asked the same question, except his group wanted to go to Portugal. We said no.

Difficult one really - we have a big holiday planned for the summer anyway, and he has accepted our decision.

Like you, we got the 'everyone else is going', but talking to others, I think they're all using that line!

yurt1 · 10/12/2007 11:22

I think you should let her go. Youth hostels have quite a few rules. I went on my first YH holiday alone at 17.

yurt1 · 10/12/2007 11:23

oh but it would be good if she could pay something towards it given the cost.

jesuswhatnext · 10/12/2007 11:24

HOW the land lies

mumblechum · 10/12/2007 11:27

I think (he's only 13 now), I'd let my ds go at 16, as he's an only child and I always bend over backwards to facilitate his social life!

However, boys are different and I would prob. be more worried about a girl, as more scary things could happen, potentially.

If you let her go, there have to be some ground rules, eg a daily phone call, clear instructions on what to do in various scenarios (eg getting in cars with others),etc.

stillaslowreader · 10/12/2007 11:32

I think I would let her go if it is a strong, supportive group of friends and in the UK. I wouldn't agree to abroad at 16. I have said ds (who will be 15) can do similar next summer. I think Youth Hostels are still fairly supervised, and there will be people there in charge to turn to if she needs help.

chopchopbusybusy · 10/12/2007 11:33

It would very much depend on how you think she will behave in the situation and also what her friends are like. I gather that Newquay and the surrounding area just after GCSEs is the British equivalent of Ibiza, which would concern me.

Wisteria · 10/12/2007 11:35

ooh difficult. I can understand your hesitation but all I know is I was never allowed to do things like this and ended up walking out of home at 16.5 and never going back.

If there is a big group of them you may be surprised at how responsible they all are together. My dd1 constantly surprises me with her 'Mary Whitehouse' attitude, probably because I am expecting her to be more like I was......a bit of reverse psychology works wonders in my experience.

I would speak to the other parents.

Look3mincepiesrmorethanEnough · 10/12/2007 11:35

I did this at her age within the UK and had a nice, boring time....I was quite a nice boring girl though and the thought of getting rattedly drunk and sleeping with unmentionable men wouldn't have entered my head as a good idea. Honestly I think it depends on your child.

yurt1 · 10/12/2007 11:42

I agree with the recent posts. She's either going to be entirely sensible and not dream of sleeping with a 20 year old man (I wouldn't have at 16!) or she's totally wild and will end up getting her freedom however she can (whether she's at a YH or not). Or she might be inbetween, but is going to be at parties etc from now anyway. Is it a YHA hostel? If so I don't think you need to wrry at all- they're very strict. If its a backpackers type independent place it might be a bit wilder. I'd be more concerned by camping tbh.

Original poster

grittypud · 10/12/2007 11:56

Wow thanks for all replies , so far its all girls but who knows -later.( Ecuador is summer2008 ) The yh web site says there is no curfew so that people can attend night clubs as late (early?) as they wish . Also heard of the Ibiza like traits of Newquay which is not encouraging. They are I think a sensible group but possibly rather naive .One or two apparently going have parents who have not agreed to this sort og thing so maybe we're on a mass persusion idea !

OP posts:

Original poster

grittypud · 10/12/2007 11:59

oh the estimated price includes everything including travel -she said we'll stay in some nights so it will be cheaper. haha !

OP posts:

Lilymaid · 10/12/2007 12:23

Newquay is well known as the place where a very large number of 16 year olds from all over the country congregate post-GCSEs. I would be hesitant. They may book into the YHA but there is no guarantee that they will stay there every night. There is a lot of partying and under-age drinking. I would discuss it with the other parents.

Wisteria · 10/12/2007 12:31

At 16 they will struggle to get into nightclubs and will more likely be on Fistral Beach. Newquay is more 'policed' than it used to be and id requests are not uncommon in the pubs and clubs.

Underage drinking is par for the course at that age I think whether you like it or not, call the youth hostel and ask what their procedures and policies are for 16 yr olds.

I scared my daughter by showing her a film of someone having their stomach pumped and telling her the sad but true story of a friend of mine who died when we were young.

EmilyDavidson · 10/12/2007 14:54

Gritty I totally understand your concerns , my dd is 16 too and I have the wrinkles to prove it

IMO everything changes when they are 16. They could leave home if they wanted. Leave home ,leave school and shack up with a 30 something druggy if they wanted to. So make sure they don't want to by trusting them and letting them go sometimes. If you've brought your kids up to be sensible and moral (and I'm sure you have ,your worries demonstrate that) then I'm sure she will be fine with her gang of mates looking out for her too

You wont sleep a wink til she gets back but it will be worth it. She will be so happy (and grateful to you) and it may well put her in a better frame of mind to start the 6th form.

mumeeee · 10/12/2007 17:06

I was just going to say a Youth Hostel holiday would be fine as they are usually quite strict. But then I saw that there is no curfew and I would be very reluctant to let a 16 year old go on a holiday without a curfew.

pinetreedog · 10/12/2007 17:20

eek!

I suppose it largely depends on how sensible you think your daughter is and how likely she is to stick to some basic safety rules despite what any friends might say. How many others are not allowed to go?

I went youth hostelling with a friend all around the Lake District when I was 15. Now I can't imagine how my mum was happy to let me go - I wouldn't do it with my own daughters. And I am not a panicky sort of person.

pinetreedog · 10/12/2007 17:21

I like your post, emily. INteresting

chenin · 10/12/2007 17:42

Grittypud... my DD2 is going to Newquay at the same time after GCSE's and is staying in a 'Surf Lodge' which in effect means a bit of a dive.
My DD1 went when she was 16 and I was soooo worried but it all went OK (except when she drank to much and was sick...)

But, I just feel it is a rite of passage that they have to be allowed to do at this age. Emily is so right with everything she has said - you will worry yourself sick but as long as your DD is inherently sensible, and is going with a sensible group of mates she will be fine.

Having said all that, I shall do the same with DD2 as I did with DD1 which is to give her a huge pep talk before she goes. I shall talk about drinking sensibly and most importantly, never ever walking anywhere at night on her own...

Out of my DDs big group of friends, there is only 1 girl who is not allowed to go and I feel very sorry for her. From experience, the town of Newquay is taken over by this age group after GCSEs and it appears tobe well policed.

chenin · 10/12/2007 17:44

Did mean to ask... Grittypud... why so expensive?

My DD is paying £125 for the week and I know the Surf Lodge as it is the same one as DD1 stayed in and it is OK. £400 seems extortionate....

mumeeee · 10/12/2007 17:49

motheroftwoboys · 10/12/2007 18:09

It is really hard to let go but you really have to. As someone said, once they become 16 they can leave home and live totally as they like so if you want to keep them you have to trust them. They do seem to have more freedom now but even at my great age - 51 next week I remember my then lower 6th boyfriend going away with his mates in the holidays - south of France if I remember. My DH did the backpacking round Europe thing with his mates at the same time. DS1 is now 17 but went away loads in the summer - 3 festivals in this country and then a week away in Berlin staying at a hostel. They had a ball - no doubt lots of clubbing and drinking went one, it is legal at 16 in Germany and many other countries. Let her go, tell her you hope she has a wonderful time - and she will!

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