Ds(12) keeps getting caught masturbating

[elizabethschyler]

My 12 y/o ds the eldest of my D.C. has clearly just found his favourite toy.
That's fine but my 6yo Dd told my oh that she found him "with his hands in his pants"
My DJ found him x 2 and also the conv with dd and explained to ds that it's entirely natural to do this but he needs to do it in private
Except I have found him twice in bed with his door open (his bed is clearly visible to anyone going las) doing this. Once was quite late in the evening so his younger sibling were in bed asleep but today it was 3pm in broad daylight.

Both times I have not said anything, been too shocked and have to go past his room and so have just carried on rather than "interrupt" but I think we have to say something

Any advice?

Whatthecluck, thank you for your kind words
I think that's it, I think he is very immature and doesn't understand at all. We sat him down last night and I think we got through to him.

My DJ found him x 2

DJ? That's a new one on me...

Or do you mean he's been wanking on the dance floor while he's out clubbing?

He needs to do it privately. You and the rest of your family (including younger siblings) need to to give him privacy. No more going into his room without knocking and being invited in.

Or do you mean he's been wanking on the dance floor while he's out clubbing?

Laugh of the day.

But really I'm place marking to find out what DJ could be.

DJ is what autocorrect turns dh into

That’s good you spoke with him. I’d still suggest a lock for his door though so he can have a bit of privacy. Even a safety lock like you have on the bathroom door that can be opened from outside in an emergency.

One day he will have a girlfriend and may be, er, busy with her and his younger sibling (now ten years old or whatever) walks in and sees stuff she’s rather not....!

I’d still suggest a lock for his door though so he can have a bit of privacy.

Baring exceptional circumstances, family homes don't need locks on doors. We have been respecting ds's privacy and knocking/waiting before entering his room from before he was 10. Privacy in a family setting is something you teach and respect so it becomes the norm, not enforce.

It’s very unusual for a Nt twelve year old not to understand that masturbating in front of others, isn’t ok. It’s also very unusual for parents to allow it to continue to the extent that it occurs several times before anything is said, for most, the very first time it occurs would be the last.

Is he lacking in understanding of other social Norms op, other areas where his body should be private, and does he understand others bodies are also private?

Your phrase “ you think” you got through to him doesn’t exactly shout he understands, which he should have done immediately, with no doubt in your mind that he did.

I think I’d be very concerned there is a much bigger issue at play here. For his sake, you need to know absolutely that he understands what is and is not acceptable in terms of sexual acts, and in relation to his or others genitalia. Because if he doesn’t, then there is a risk he’s going to do something in front of other kids that is going to cause him some damage,

I think also re reading your op, your son has already been told he needs to do it in private and he is continuing not to. Hence your comment “you think you got through to him” because previous attempts have failed.

I think you need to think through what’s causing this behaviour. He knows. He’s been told, is it a learning disability or is this some form of behavioural issue where he wants his family to see?

Some OTT reactions in this thread. Nowhere in the OP does it state that this lad is walking up to members of the family and whipping it out for a wank! He’s in his bedroom from what I can make out. I think that’s where they are supposed to do it aren’t they? Yes the door needs to be properly shut and other family members need to show some respect and knock before going in.
It strikes me as being unfair on a 12 year old to have his 6 year old sister allowed to wander into his room.