is there ever a right time to tell your dc they're gaining weight?

[willmyddbefatlikeme]

My 15 yr old dd is a beautiful confident girl.She has recently put on weight as far as I can tell.her jeans are tighter,tummy bigger etc.
Would you say something to her or should I leave it?

I gained weight as a teen,although later and was eventually diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome which can make you gain weight.Now I probably gained weight because of bad eating habits as much as the pcos but I really really do not want my dd to be overweight because I know how much heartbreak it can cause .

My mother must have said something to me (can't remember really) ,but I did attend weight watchers as a teen.Didn't really cure the problem as I am still struggling with my weight although much better now.

We eat a very healthy diet,I don't by crap snacky food.I think her weight gain is from eating too much bread and cheese and she may need to up her exercise.

I am most worried about hurting her feelings and knocking her confidence.

I have name changed for this ,but am a regular ,just don't want dd to see this.

I have two DDs (18 and 15) and I would never tell them they are putting on weight unless it becomes a health issue. My eldest DD is prone to get a bit of a tummy and she hates it.... believe me your 15 yo DD will know she has put on weight and doesn't need you telling her. Girls of this age are so body conscious...
I would just encourage good eating and exerciwe without saying anything cos it will be something she will remember for the rest of her life and could affect her in later life.
My 18yo doesn't eat healthily enough, doesn't exercise enough and although I will moan at her for taking the car when she could walk, I would never point it out. Sometimes she asks me if I think she has put on weight and I am very very careful what I say... if ever I do answer her question with something rather non commital. The one time I have been honest and said 'yes'... she went beserk. She knows when she has put on a bit, and doesn't need me telling her.

i don't know your daughter obviously.

but i doubt very much that it is due to eating more bread and cheese.

i rather think it also depends on what you consider to be overweight.

my daughter is 14 i know she is concious of her weight - but fat blaoter she is not.

she is also no kate moss

but she isn't built like kate moss anyway

if you think she is getting fat, maybe a trip to the doctors is in order.

but i have to say - that unless she has a medical condition = more bread and cheese is not likley to be the culprit IMO

bread and cheese are healthy foods and i am vex happy for my daughter to eat copious amounts of both.

I think just one comment said in the wrong way can affect a girls eating habits all their lives.... I think you have to be very careful.

this is a tricky one, my dsd now 14 was very podgy last year and is now wonderfully slim and gorgeous. what we did was keep telling her how lovely she was and discretely reduce the chnaces for her to snack on anything apart from fruit and moved to yog and fruit for pud. we also started to eat healthier ourselves and increasing activity, eg family bike rides. i do worry about peer pressure and i also think she deliberately gets up so late she 'misses' breakfast but generally she understands about healthy food now, I hope.
good luck it is really difficult to get the balance right - also i do always notice with each of our 3 that they get podgy just before a growth spurt, it all sorts itself out.

thank for your replies

I think my reluctance to say anything means I should listen to my instinct and keep my mouth shut.

She would be ecstatic if she had a growth spurt as she's desperate to be a bit taller and presumed she'd stopped growing.

I have this worry with my ds1 who is 15. But I know it's because he buys too many sweets/soft drinks when he's out. And I have no control over that. At home we eat (mostly) a reasonably healthy diet.

It's made me realise, though, that I have to be even more vigilant about what we eat at home.

Have just had to send back a pair of school trousers, waist 32, because they were too tight

No I wouldn't take her to the dr.We will track her periods but she's still quite irregular anyway due to her age.

Why don't you suggest playing badminton or going swimming with her twice a week instead?

yes,she's been slightly less active this summer so will suggest she starts her usual sports again.Also has started back to school which means walking 2miles a day .

I can only really answer this from the teens point of view (not because I am one, but because my Dad mentioned something like this to me when I was one!) He said something fairly innocent, in a jokey type of way (and he was right, I was putting on weight) but all it made me want to do was eat more and in secret. I think I was trying to prove that I didn't care what he said and I was happy as I was - even if I wasn't iyswim.
I think you're right to tread carefully, eat well yourselves and be a good example, encourage family exercise that's fun e.g. bike rides with a healthy picnic or something. Good luck!

is there any part of her eating behaviour that is worrying. Does she snack in secret rather than join in family meals. Does she seem to eat without tasting or thinking about it? If not then it will probably correct itself as lots of girls have puppy fat around puberty

The other issue is the boredom issuse. She may be eating too much because she has nothing else to do. Imo activities like walking etc. are great not because of the calories they burn but because you don't snack while you are doing them.

No she's a normal eater no issues really.She does have friends who are extrememly controlled in their eating,verging on the anorexic,so I am eternally grateful she's not like that.

Bit late to this thread but I have same problem-DD 14 is lovely but quite sturdy(as my old Grannie used to say)
Her friends are all willowy and she is conscious of that fact that she is pudgy. But she is quite active-her downfall is that she has a very sweet tooth and also loves comfort food.
I am trying the healthy eating at home strategy and encouraging her to take her lunch to school rather than buy things: she has little idea of a healthy option it seems: panini with chicken cheese and ham!
Other problem is she has 2 sisters both very sporty and very slim!

After the long summer break last year, ds (then 14) seemed a bit out of condition and heavier than before. A term of rugby soon put that right!

This year dd (14)is exactly the same as her brother was - but they have spent more time that usual watching tv, behind a computer etc.

She is consciously trying to eat heathily, which I am encouraging, whilst also saying she's lovely as she is, and is certainly not overweight!

It's funny though, dh and I were only saying yesterday how we have the same concerns about dd this year, that we had about ds last year.