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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Do you have I constantly nag/ask for things to be done?

20 replies

Worried247 · 19/05/2019 22:10

I'm sick of it!

A small request like, can you come off your Xbox to get ready for bed. He will answer 'I am' and then 5 mins later I go in and he's still on it and when I get pissed off he's like 'I was just coming off it!' as if I'm the unreasonable one.

He comes downstairs. I ask if he has picked up the wrappers from his bedroom floor and he tells me he has. I go up later on and the sweet wrappers are still on his floor

It's like this constantly and I'm so tired of it.
I feel like our whole relationship is negative.

I would do anything for him just to do the things I ask and that he is honest about what he has and hasn't done. It would save this constant battle

Any ideas?

OP posts:

Original poster

Worried247 · 19/05/2019 22:13

Ps. I then feel guilty about constantly nagging :( very miserable today

OP posts:

4catsaremylife · 19/05/2019 22:33

Sorry I can't offer any ideas as I'm still at this stage with my now adult ASD kids, I totally sympathize.
My dd is really disorganized in general but asking her to unload the dishwasher can result in a delay of anything from a few minutes to days. It's so tempting to just do it myself.

Lillyrose19 · 19/05/2019 22:36

Hi, I've no advice or answers as I'm going through it myself!! Think it's just teenager ways!!

Applesbananaspears · 19/05/2019 22:37

Oh yes. Apparently I was beyond unreasonable to ask my 16 year old to put away a wet towel left on his bedroom floor. The constant in a minute when I ask them to do anything. I can’t bear it

lljkk · 19/05/2019 22:39

Mine were same at 4yo or 6yo or 9yo so really no different from any age.
It's personality dependent. Some are worse than others.

c75kp0r · 19/05/2019 22:40

Yes absolute nightmare - is going to fail his BTEC because he won't do the assignments - it is about a week to the end of the course and he has just spent the last two days avoiding dong anything. Refuses to change for bed refuses to get up and get washed in the morning. It takes about an hour to get him out of bed and some days he doesn't even have a shower.

Notcoolmum · 20/05/2019 05:55

Yes. Drives me batty.

Emmilou82 · 20/05/2019 05:59

It's like you have just described my DS.... I'm at the end of my tether with him and not sure where to go with it. The apologies every time are now just words, no meaning because the same happens then next night! Our next step is losing his phone and pad if it happens again.... maybe confiscate a wire from the Xbox until you see an improvement.

MrsBlondie · 20/05/2019 11:21

Yes I hear you! I try to let some things go as otherwise I would literally be moaning at him all day long...

MummyBear2352 · 20/05/2019 11:52

Oh the wonderful world of teenage boys!

Constant battle in our house too!

Marilynmansonsthermos · 20/05/2019 15:30

Not just boys my dd is the same. I can't bear it. The worst thing is getting her out in time for school. She takes over an hour to get up and ready and I end up screaming at her to get out in time. I should just let her be late I know. Also simple things like can you come down for dinner end in screaming. Most of the problems are due to staring at her phone and getting distracted!

Xeroxarama · 22/05/2019 05:41

Yes. And then it’s ‘calm yourself man’ when i ask again, or ‘you’re so mean not to do it you’re right there’. It’s too small to make a thing about- when all the big stuff is also problematic- but I cannot bear to be raising an entitled lazy git!

BackforGood · 25/05/2019 23:13

Pretty normal. It's a phase.

Bouledeneige · 26/05/2019 10:10

Yeah that's totally familiar. How old is he?

My DS doesn't say he's done it - he says okay or yeah and then doesn't do it. Because he's gaming. He also may take his washing from the kitchen but doesn't put it away just leaves it as a pile in his bedroom. But it is getting a bit better - he was ruder before, asking me to leave rooms because I was annoying him. And now if I shout from the kitchen 'can you come and help me' he will. You do have to try and not take it personally - and yes - that's easy to say.

I think it is a phase but it goes on quite a while. Mine is nearly 17 now and improving in mood, motivation and niceness. He was at his worst at 13 - 15. The other day I rang him and he was genuinely quite pleasant on the phone and I realised the reason why - he was with his girlfriend!

Nelumbo · 26/05/2019 14:35

Yes going through this with both of mine at the moment, 16 and 12. It is actually affecting me quite badly as I'm just so tired of it.

I have confiscated DS phone this weekend, last night he had a big thing about it, how it was unfair etc, I said why don't you just pick your dirty clothes up off the floor and not give me a reason to take things away, he replies with 'I'm doing it now'. Its now the next day and the clothes are still there, yet I'm so unfair and he doesn't know what he has done wrong.

They also both seem to be completely incapable of putting anything in a bin. And the amount of times they knock down the bathroom towel, don't bother picking it up and leave it lying on the floor is enough to drive any one insane. That's without all the other daily battles I have to deal with.

I'm worried this is now really affecting my relationships with them, as I find it so hard to do everything completely alone while they sit on their arses doing f-all, even if I am unwell they won't do anything to help. I've tried many things over the years to get them to help more, nothing works, I'm at a loss now.

I wish it was only a phase but its already been going on for years.

Bouledeneige · 26/05/2019 14:52

I understand how you feel Nelumbo. It does feel like it affects your relationship with them. I suppose I have learnt to ignore some of it and also to focus on having positive fun conversations to offset the negatives.

I really have given up on bedroom tidiness - they just don't get cleaned if they are a mess. From time to time my DD will get fed up and clear hers and sometimes I go into DS's and start saying lets clear this up - he chases me away and says he will do it. But I do regularly have to go and collect cups and plates from around the house.

Mine will come and help when I insist but today for instance I am just letting everyone be. I'm hanging around on here and I'm not providing any fool or anything. I will make a mac and cheese later for them to put in the oven before I go out with my friends for dinner and a movie.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 26/05/2019 15:14

Sounds like mine! DS 14 - what really boils my piss is him leaving his dirty underpants on the (tiny) bathroom floor after he showers. There is a laundry basket IN there.

I have pointed out I don't want to see his dirty underwear in communal areas. That it is not fair/unpleasant. Last week I left a pair of my middle aged size 22 pants on the landing outside of his bedroom door and he was horrified and revolted. The underpants have gone in the laundry basket since then. (I have also picked mine up).

I've now resorted to saying 'Can you unload the dishwasher please? It needs to be done in the next 20 minutes.' If it isn't done then I do it myself - and then the next time he has football training I simply go 'Yeah...yeah. FGS! I'm going to do it! What's the rush? And then I appear first thing the next morning saying 'Fine. I'll take you training now then' and waving car keys.

The only way to get anything done is to make it clear that however HE feels about it that I want this job done within the next x amount of time. If it's not, fine. I'll do it myself. But I will not do anything for you when YOU feel it's urgent. I'll get round to running you to football training 2 days after you wanted taking. How's that feel?

Pipandmum · 26/05/2019 15:27

I have to constantly push my 15 year old ‘time to get up’ ‘have you had your shower’ ‘are you dressed yet’ ‘time to get a move on’ (the last one repeated about three times). He gets to school about one minute before end of registration.
My 14 year old daughter is told ‘time to get up’. Next time I see her she is fully dressed, checking her schedule so she has the right books, and is totally organised and ready to go, making sure she is at school ten minutes early.
When they were very young and we were going out I’d say ‘let’s get ready’ and five minutes later my 3 year old daughter would arrive suited and booted, winter coat on and buttoned. She’d have packed her back pack full of essentials - toys, books, snacks and toilet paper (!!). My son would be still playing with his Lego or whatever and then walk around asking where his shoes were where his jacket is etc etc.
So it’s their personalities. Made worse by being teens when we expect a slight improvement in responsibility and maturity.

floraloctopus · 28/05/2019 20:13

Yes, Yes and more yes. I am is the most uttered delaying phrase in this house.

my reply now is 'I am' more than twice results in 'I am turning the router off'

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/05/2019 08:47

My new way of dealing with it is to write down all the things I need him to do that day, give it to him and say, all that needs to be done by the end of today and if it's not then there will be no ps4 tomorrow.

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