Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

shower dodging teenage girls

22 replies

DonkeyHohtay · 17/05/2019 16:53

I have a shower dodger 16 year old DS. Has to be actively reminded to wash, change his clothes and use deodorant. He has zero interest in clothes and fashion though so it's partly understandable.

13 year old DD though is constantly doing make-up, spraying that awful Impulse stuff everywhere, painting her nails, shopping, taking selfies, talking about shopping.... And SHE WON'T SHOWER. Her hair is that typical teenage combination of very greasy at the roots and dry at the ends. She needs to wash it regualrly but just won't. It's Friday teatime, she last showered and washed her hair on Tuesday night. Her hair is lank and awful and she just doesn't care. I said before going to school this morning she needed a shower when she got in, she's now put it off until after she comes back from drama tonight.

Did also suggest she starts having a regular morning routine involving a shower but she's "far too busy for that". Wakes at 7.15, leaves for school at 8.20 but far too busy for a shower. And for full disclosure, she has a shower room all to herself so it's not as if she's battling the rest of us to get into the shower.

SO fed up. Thinking of enforcing a daily shower before going to school, especially in the summer.

OP posts:

pepperpot99 · 17/05/2019 16:55

Tell her she smells. You won't be lying. Tough love.

Original poster

DonkeyHohtay · 17/05/2019 16:57

Then you get "thanks, Mum" and she strops off all offended muttering "love you too" under her breath.

Fucks sake. It was so much easier when she was a toddler and I could just plonk her in the bath.

OP posts:

mbosnz · 17/05/2019 17:39

I smell your pain. Oh wait, that's my daughter. . .

I had a very frank conversation with her, and yes, I did tell her she smelled, and it was not okay. It's not fair on the people around her, and she is to have a shower or a bath EVERY evening, hair washed every second day, deodorant daily, and if she doesn't like being told she smells, it's real simple. DON'T SMELL.

Oh, and that you have to do a bit more in the shower or bath. you have to apply soap. All over. But especially to pits and bits.

It has got better. She didn't enjoy that conversation. I told her the only way to avoid having it again was to make sure I didn't feel we had to have it again. Sometimes she needs reminding.

Mary2019 · 17/05/2019 17:45

I feel your pain OP. I literally had to do this with my teenage DD recently. I'd told her to shower whilst I was on my way back, she insisted she had and with the shower gel I'd just bought in the online shop that morning. Went to shower DS after to find everything bone dry and the showergel untouched. I'm afraid I did tell her she smelt well it was either me or her friends that told her and I'm guessing her friends wouldn't have been as polite as I was.

Original poster

DonkeyHohtay · 17/05/2019 18:54

I just sent her up for a shower before drama. The response? "Stop humiliating me".

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 17/05/2019 19:04

Does she actually smell though? Hair washing daily is not great. Pits and bits washing is a must daily whether in a shower or not. Is she cleaning herself in the bathroom even if not showering or bathing?

Original poster

DonkeyHohtay · 17/05/2019 19:22

No she isn't doing anything hygiene related save dousing herself in Impulse. And her hair looks really dirty and greasy.

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 17/05/2019 19:23

God I feel your pain (or is that smell)?

I have a 13 (almost 14 year old step daughter). Who spends hours applying makeup, taking selfies and ‘hair flicking’ but won’t wash, brush her teeth or have a bath / shower unless asked a dozen times.

Like others - me & her dad have had to start getting tough because quite frankly she stinks and her hair is lank with grease.

Tough live required.

NorthernSpirit · 17/05/2019 19:24

Even more important for girls who have stated their periods! Sorry, it’s unhygienic bathing only once a week.

DulcieRay · 17/05/2019 19:30

Can you make her allowance or the WiFi password hygiene dependent?

MummyBear2352 · 17/05/2019 20:57

I'm sorry, but you need to man up, and get your kids meeting their basic needs.

Until today, we've had gorgeous weather this week. If my dd hadn't showered since Tues, she'd be stinking.

You implement a rule, shower as soon as they get up, and enforce consequences if they don't. Should learn soon enough

mcmen71 · 17/05/2019 21:51

I have 2 dd and it takes them 30 mins each in shower and another 30 to dry hair They would get in 2 a day if they could. There will be no bother to get them to wash when they have a bf or gf.
My advice is if they looking to go out or use there phone or tv say shower first.

Hecateh · 17/05/2019 21:51

Don't tell her she smells.
When you're next to her, pull a face and move away.
Cringe when she comes close.
Go to give her a hug and then push her off.

Say 'ugh not nice' rather than 'you smell'

Rationale being, you have told her she needs to shower and she will see you saying 'you smell' as just trying to enforce her to shower. Changing the record - not saying what she is expecting but making it clear she is not nice to be near, will hopefully trigger a different response

Hecateh · 17/05/2019 21:54

only after you have tried asking them to shower though - so they know what it is about- not as a first response

ifoundthebread · 17/05/2019 21:58

I was a teenager like this and my mother telling me I smelt wouldn't of made a difference. I couldn't be bothered to have a shower, got into a bad morning routine that didn't involve brushing my teeth daily (sometimes not even weekly 🤮) but I have lived to tell the tale. 🤷‍♂️ I just thought it was part of being a teenager.

Pipandmum · 17/05/2019 22:02

My son showers, brushes for ages and flosses. Every day. When he’s bored he has a bath. My daughter I have to remind her. I got her lots of bath bombs, gels, lotions and potions for her 14th. He’s into girls, she thinks boys are a waste of space. Maybe that has an effect. She does brush her teeth religiously though.

eddiemairswife · 17/05/2019 22:09

Does she smell? I'm someone who doesn't sweat a lot, and I really don't smell even if I don't wash very often. I have grown-up daughters who would tell me if I did. My mother never used deodorant, but never smelt, even when we lived in the tropics. My own (4)children never smelt as teenagers.

onefatblackcat · 18/05/2019 10:02

I tell mine they need to shower because they stink

I do make sure there's always their choice of body wash, shampoos available, and they both have waterproof speakers to play VERY loud music while they're in there.

Catsmother1 · 22/05/2019 17:24

Maybe after she has eventually washed her hair, say ‘your hair smells lovely’ - or something like that. I agree she will change when she gets a partner.

reefedsail · 22/05/2019 17:29

I'd be saying only clean people have access to their phones and the wifi.

Firefliess · 22/05/2019 19:27

DSD was like that at 13. We just told her her hair was greasy every time it was and eventually she started washing it more often through choice. Took a could of yours though. Positive comments about hair looking nice when it does are good too, along with casual comments about having a shower yourself because your hair is getting greasy, etc.

DD was very sporty and started getting smelly aged about 11. I used to tell her she smelt to which she once retorted crossly "why is it only ever you and dad who tell me I smell?" She's now 15, very clean and we laugh about that conversation - even at the time she did realise that her dad and I were the ones kind enough to tell her.

sweetkitty · 22/05/2019 21:58

I have two teenagers one I can’t get out the shower and one I can’t get in!

DD2 is 13yo doesn’t care about hair make up, she’s started her period and is sweaty. Her hair is very greasy and lank after 2 days and oh my her feet. We have tried to be subtle, now we go for the the get in the showe now you stink your not getting your phone back until your washed tactic.

Then she comes out, towel draped across shoulders, hair hardly brushed or dried but at least she’s clean. She simply doesn’t care.

Flip