Ds doesn't like his new step family

[chelseaMumma]

Ds14 doesn't get on with his dads new family and I don't know what I'm meant to do??

His dads girlfriend has children younger than ds and ds doesn't like being around them. This has caused issues with him and his dad and ds being returned early from his contact weekends.

Some background - dad has been seeing this girlfriend for almost a year, he is moving in with her soon. Before her he was with someone for a couple of months, there was talk of them living together and he excitedly told ds he'd have his own room. Before her there was my ex best friend. Before her was a woman with two kids who ds actually liked. All this is in the past two years.

So what am I meant to do?? Ds says he doesn't want to talk to his dad. His dad says if ds doesn't start getting on with them he'll stop seeing him.

I just want the best for ds, but at 14 i can't force him to see his dad

When they are 14 friends become so important to them.

Can he make arrangements to see his Dad to do specific things (cinema, match, pizza etc) without doing the whole ‘weekend ‘ thing?

Just present as ‘growing up, friends social life’ etc?

His Dad does sound a knob and he should not be emotionally blackmailing him like that and your Ds has a right to tell him that.

He might be better off cooling the contact with his dad, and just doing activities rather than staying over. His dad sounds like a dickhead moving all these women and kids in and out of his house and your DSs life. So selfish and irresponsible. And you're left to pick up the pieces

'His dad says if ds doesn't start getting on with them he'll stop seeing him'

Shouldn't DS be his priority here? His Dad sounds like a knobhead because he's putting his relationship before his own son? I agree with PP's saying perhaps your DS needs to just do some activities with his Dad rather than weekends. His Dad should be making sure he feels OK and secure, sounds like he doesn't care about him that much which is terrible!

I think ds can't be bothered to get to know them because of his dads history with women. In all other relationships ds did get on with them, and then his dad broke up with them. So I understand his reluctance.

Also his age! 14 year olds want there own space, he doesn't get that at his dads. Ds has 3 younger (half) siblings with me and his stepdad and he is an amazing big brother. BUT he also like to shut himself away in his room and tells them to go away.

Obviously his dad is my ex and I think he's a prize twat so I'm biased. I'm not going to stop him having a relationship with his dad but I don't see why I should go out of my way when his dad can't make him a priority?

I've had similar issues with DD (now 15) not getting on with her step mum and hence not wanting to go to get dad's. What has worked well is changing one of the overnights she used to do to a cafe meetup with just her dad and her instead. It's just once a fortnight but gives them time to chat. I did discuss at one point whether she'd prefer just to do that and not do overnights at all but she didn't want to be completely excluded from his new family (including a young half-brother). We did shorten the weekend she does to only one night which also seems to work better with her busy social life

I'm not sure should do anything. At 14 he is old enough to decide for himself.

So ds has decided he doesn't want to talk/text/see his dad. I'm not going to force him, not sure if it's possible to force a teenager to do anything anyway.

His dads text to ask if ds is punishing him by ignoring him??

What the hell??

I'm sick of being the go between