What rules do you have for your teens who are dating?

[TowandaForever]

Are they allowed together in their rooms?

Are they allowed in your house without you there etc?

Love bites?

I really need some ground rules. I've not been this position before and as a single parent have no one to discuss this with?

Child is year 9 and not 14 until summer

Also single parent.
Dd was allowed her door shut at 15, and staying over from 16 but only one BF then.
They were together 18 months.
She has a different BF now, she's 17, he's 18, again he's allowed to stay.

She had Bf's before, but no shut door then.
I've always been happy to have them over though, easy to get to know them that way.

Mine's 14, they stay at each other's houses in the same room, but I trust them both and we have a pretty honest relationship so she knows I wouldn't go off the deep end, and I'd rather she talked to me first.

Also, realistically, I can't stop them and if she was going to experiment I'd rather she did it at home rather than behind the bike shed, iykwim.

My rules are that I get to meet them and they spend time with us so that I can do that, and that she's honest with me (and herself).

The staying over evolved over time and didn't happen immediately. They spent time getting to know each other properly first before she agreed to date him (about 6 weeks).
They were in the same circle of friends, but she didn't know him well enough to know if they had enough things in common, etc, so she said no the first time he asked and instead suggested they spent more time together and got to know each other first (sometimes think she 54, not 14!)

When he asked again after about 6 weeks she said yes and they've been going out about 9 months now.

What about the love bites situation?

Dealing with this now, upstairs with door shut watching dvds which is fine. We saw love bites once last week and DH went on and on about needing to ‘wash your neck in the shower, you’ve got a dirty mark. It’s still there wash it better’ that seems to have put a stop to it because it’s not worth suffering being the butt of a dad joke. There will be no staying over as they are only just 15.

My DS is 16 in 3 wks time and in first proper relationship with girl 7mths younger. Theyve been together since end of Sept. She doesn't live in our town, or go to his school, so the only time they really get to spend time together is at each other's houses. They've always been allowed to hang out upstairs in spare room where there's just sofa, tv and x-box. DS said I was being farrrr too strict by not allowing her in his bedroom but I didn't care. She's 15 and under my roof, is my responsibility!

2 weeks ago I agreed they could be in his room, door open. Found them in there the other evening, with light off, under duvet (mostly clothed). Told them both off and had words with DS about not pushing my boundaries and being respectful of my views. I know they care about one another and have discussed having a sexual relationship but would dearly love them to just hold off a little while longer

Its so difficult as I firmly believe that if teenagers want to do the deed, I'd rather they were safe, and comfortable and not fumbling around with condoms god knows where. BUT its a big step and not something that should be taken lightly by either him not her.

Good luck OP!

It's better that they are open about their relationship and treat me and our home with respect. If they can show they are sensible and want to share a bedroom then they can as long as they are both 16 and in a stable relationship. not a one night stand.

The flip side of that is that I expect them to be sociable with the family and not just turn up here and go upstairs to play Scrabble.

It's difficult isn't it.

They can get up to stuff outside the house so need to take a pragmatic attitude but it's challenging!

Especially when the other child involved lost their virginity in year 7.

It'd be a no for a year 9 I think but I've not been in that situation with mine, I'd struggle to know what to do as I'd want to be able to keep an eye on them but I'd not be happy with underage sex going on here - how do I know a girl wouldn't turn round and say my son had raped her?

The only rule DS was given was use condoms. He is secretive and hasn't introduced us to his girlfriends but that's fine, he's 18 and I was the same at that age.

love bites wouldn't phase me. That can result from 2 minutes alone behind the bike sheds, so not worth worrying about.
I find that teens appreciate boundaries, they like someone to tell them limits, even if they also resist & test the limits, they want structure.

DD is 15 and her BF of 4 months is 16. They're allowed in her bedroom but door stays wide open at all times. If he stays over he sleeps in the spare room and she shares a room with his little sister if she stays at his. I can't see these rules changing until she's at university and only then if her BF was long term.

I think love bites look disgusting and would take a very dim view of her sporting one.