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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Are all teenagers out every night?

26 replies

blondel0216 · 02/08/2018 21:30

My 16 year old son finished his GCSEs in June, had his prom and one party and hasn't been out or socialised since.
He's a good boy but isn't very outgoing but I've seen his friends out and about in parks and generally just enjoying this carefree summer. He says no one texts him and he doesn't want to invite himself. I don't want to push him at all. He's quite a young 16 and can be a bit cautious.
My DS has always struggled a bit socially as he's not sporty and is car mad and can come across as a bit "different" sometimes but he had school friends and always walked to and from school with the kids that now ignore him!!
Guess I'm just wondering if we aren't alone here? Am I fussing unnecessarily- my husband says just let him find his way!

OP posts:
LoafEater · 02/08/2018 21:37

I have one the same! He has nice friends but has no interest in making arrangements with anyone to do anything. I made him do NCS though which he is enjoying and is making friends, whether he will ever bother to see any off them again I doubt. I made the apparently ridiculous suggestion that he go for a burger or something with them when they finish next week, but apparently ‘his generation’ dont do stuff like that!

He has a part time job now too so at least he is he out from under my feet!

TheConstantMoaner · 02/08/2018 21:37

My ds 16 hasn’t gone out as he works. But when he doesn’t he stays home and works on his music. I used to get worried too but he enjoys his own time and when ready he does go out to socialise. I try not to force it.

LoafEater · 02/08/2018 21:38

Why not send him off to NCS?

Sadik · 02/08/2018 21:46

Exactly the same here. DD's been busy enough with work, hobbies (she has a sports club 2 x a week plus does occasional volunteer shifts) and family things. But she's only been out with a friend once since GCSEs, and that was just for an afternoon.

TBH I was pretty similar at 16 - I only developed an active social life when I got into 6th form.

Sadik · 02/08/2018 21:48

Should say it's very much her choice - I know she's been invited to beach parties for example, but she's not wanted to go.

Chocolou · 02/08/2018 21:51

What is ncs?

donkir · 02/08/2018 22:02

www.ncsyes.co.uk/

Ohlellykelly · 02/08/2018 22:06

My teenagers go out once a week on average to parties, more likely to be at home really.

Ingalia · 02/08/2018 22:22

This post-GCSE summer, she's been out with friends somewhere, either day or evening, about five days out of every seven! And she's already been away to a festival and has another holiday and another festival planned before Sept. She has a Saturday job so has money saved from the last year, but they haven't offered her extra shifts unfortunately.
She's a lot more grown up than I was at her age, when a bottle of cider in the park of an evening sufficed as a "night out"!
My experience suggests that boys are different - less keen to socialise and less grown up at the same age.
Also we live in London so it's really easy for her to get out and about and do interesting things.

Ingalia · 02/08/2018 22:23

^^ oh, and she's done NCS too!

VioletCharlotte · 02/08/2018 22:24

Mine are during the summer! They finished college mid June and have been out pretty much every night since. Normally just hanging out in fields/ parks/ someone's house. The occasional party when there's drinking involved. That's what summers all about when you're a teen, let them enjoy it while they can!

tobee · 02/08/2018 22:36

No, my ds stays at home mostly

Icequeen01 · 02/08/2018 22:46

My DS is 18 and did his A levels in June. He hasn't met up with any of his friends since then. He speaks to them on-line a lot but just never meets up. I know he has been invited to a few things but I think his friends give up as he only seems to be happy to go to the cinema. He does have a Saturday job but is now looking for another job with more hours as he will be able to continue with this in Sept as he has applied to a university which is local so he will stay living at home.

It makes me sad and worried but he seems quite happy!

AlexanderHamilton · 02/08/2018 22:49

Dds friends are scattered around the country & many are on holiday.

We’ve been caravanning for 5 days, she’s been to the gym most days & she took her younger brother to the cinema today.

Ds has more local friends (he’s 14) but hasn’t met up with any yet as they’ve mostly been away on holiday so far. He’s doing 3 weeks of summer school starting next week.

user546425732 · 02/08/2018 22:52

No, mine didn't.

Teenmum98 · 03/08/2018 00:04

I posted about a similar thing a couple of months ago with my DS. He apparently has lots of friends at school but seems to be a bit on the edge of several groups and part of none.

So yes - he hasn't been out much at all since GCSEs finished to the general kind of parties and hanging about I think you are thinking of. He did go to a festival and is now doing NCS before our family holiday.

I was worried about it but he seems happy enough and I feel less worried about it now.

I think it does take a while for some teens to find the group that they fit in with best. Its not so obvious when they are younger because others don't have much of a social life either.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse · 03/08/2018 07:20

Nope. Dd was on holiday with me straight after exams. We've been back 10 days and she's only left the house once to go to the cinema.

Yesterday she only came downstairs twice Confused

I'm leaving her to it because I know she enjoys her own company but I will make her go for a walk this weekend so her muscles don't completely waste away.

MinaPaws · 05/08/2018 23:11

DS1 is sociable and goes to quite a lot of parties and proms.
DS2 didn't go to a single prom - didn't want to - and hasn't socialised all summer, but is now suddenly socialising with a different crowd, not from school, and it's making me nervous as I don't know them (but they do seem fairly geeky so I'm not worried they are a bad influence.)

They can't win at this age. I worry if they are home in their PJs all day and worry if they are out at parties drinking and being offered dodgy experiences.

As your DS is still quite young, I wouldn't worry too much. They love their own company at this age. They love just daydreaming and working out who they want to be. A bit of a chrysalis stage. Like when they first become teens.

Original poster
blondel0216 · 07/08/2018 21:51

Great feedback from everyone. I feel so much less worried now. Thank you all so much. It really is good to feel you're not alone with your thoughts.

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofgs · 07/08/2018 21:54

They do things differently now....

shadypines · 11/08/2018 19:57

Another one here for 'no, mine hardly ever go out', apart from doing sports once or twice a week!

Glad you are less worried OP.

BackforGood · 12/08/2018 23:15

Mine isn't "out out" but hasn't actually been home much...... 3 weeks NCS.... our own family holiday...... going away with Scouts..... going away with her friends Church Youth Group.... working (different jobs).....she does go and walk her friend's dog with her quite a bit....

They are all different though, just like we are, as adults. I've worked with people who do nothing but go to work and then go home. I've worked with people who are out every night. then I've worked with people all the way in between. It is the same with our dc.

LoniceraJaponica · 12/08/2018 23:19

DD has had three holidays (one with us), seen friends and her boyfriend, but spends more time at home than out. Her friends like to come to our house, so she has spent far more time at home than out. Going out costs money.

thesockgap · 16/08/2018 11:45

I am quite relieved to read this thread, as I am getting really worried about my 18 year old DS. He finished his A levels end of June, went to prom and to a lecture and meal organised for one of his classes, but since then he hadn't seen a soul from school until he went for his results today. He's just sat in his room either playing on the Xbox or watching films. We keep trying to chivvy him along to get in contact with friends but he just won't make the first move, as he's very shy and gets anxious in social situations. We're just really worried as he is going away to university and we don't want him to spend his spare time there just sitting in his room! He's not a big drinker, not into parties or that kind of thing, and as PPs have said, we've suggested texting a friend to go for a burger or to the cinema but been met with scorn for suggesting such a ridiculous idea!!
So no real answers for you OP but at least it's not just your teen. Ours would happily take root in his room!

RomanyRoots · 16/08/2018 11:54

My dd friends aren't in this area neither, she lost touch with local kids.

She went on holiday for a week at beginning of the break, saw family and friends, had a couple of weeks of school work, and has now gone to a school friend somewhere south of reading.
We are NW, so quite a way for her on her own.
Then back again for a couple of weeks and then back to school.

There is no way she'd go out socialising at night though even if she had friends here, she's a dooer not a hanger about.

I say as your dh did, leave him be he'll find his own way, as long as he's happy.

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