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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

advice please re nearly 10 year old and freedom

22 replies

anicelongbath · 07/05/2007 13:39

Hi i thought i'd turn to you lot for advice. My 9 year old dd has just returned from a sleepover with friends and has told me that she and 2 other 9 year olds went to the cinema on their own. I admit that i am on the cautious side when it comes to allowing her freedom and know that i have to start allowing her more but this one feels too young to me and i'm upset that the other mum didn't discuss it with me first. am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:

UCM · 07/05/2007 13:46

My kids are not that old yet, but I am pretty sure I would be bloody furious if they stayed at someones house and were let out unsupervised if this wasn't something I normally do. No I don't think you are.

frenchleave · 07/05/2007 13:48

I'd feel the same I think.

If it was an afternoon showing, the children were taken and collected from the cinema itself by a parent and watched an age-appropriate film I might let it go (even though it's not something I would let 3 9-year-olds do), but if any of those things were not the case I'd be upset, definitely.

calamityjo · 07/05/2007 13:52

My 9yr old ds went to a friend's house for tea and when I was in local supermarket I saw the parents of the said friend inside! They looked a bit shocked when they saw me and had left the kids playing outside in the car park! DS has not been back to that friend's house again!! I would never leave any of their friends unsupervised without prior permission from their parents, 9 is far too young.

nailpolish · 07/05/2007 13:55

i would have thought that was old enough to go to the cinema without an adult, yes

the fact that they were dropped off and collected makes all the difference. i would have been worried if they had had to make their own way

mumeeee · 07/05/2007 13:59

If she was dropped off and collected then that would be fine. But nine is to young to majke thier own way and also the mother should have discussed it with you first.

mumeeee · 07/05/2007 13:59

If she was dropped off and collected then that would be fine. But nine is to young to majke thier own way and also the mother should have discussed it with you first.

Original poster

anicelongbath · 07/05/2007 14:03

hi - they were dropped off and collected. But I do feel- like many of you- that this decision should have been for me to make and i wasn't given that opportunity. I lke the mum involved but don't know her that well. I need to discuss this with her and your feedback is really valuable. thanks

OP posts:

nailpolish · 07/05/2007 14:04

i forgot to add that i think she should have mentioned it to you

if it was a spur of the moment decision she should have phoned you

CarGirl · 07/05/2007 14:07

Hi I agree that in general at nine it should be fine but you def should have been asked first!!!! My dd has done this with her friend recently but they are year 5 so actually just 10 and 9.5, plus the Mum escorted them to the actual screen etc.

tortoiseSHELL · 07/05/2007 14:07

She should have discussed it with you, but I don't think 9 is too young. I was walking into town at that age and going to the cinema/shopping etc on my own. I think we deny our children freedom these days, with the result that they are much less well equipped to deal with possible risks in life. I read someone on here who posted that a child should not be left alone till 16. At which age they could get married. Surely these two things can't be so adjacent.

But, I do think it is YOUR decision to make, not another parent's.

unknownrebelbang · 07/05/2007 14:25

Was it an age appropriate film?

As the child was on a sleepover, and was taken and collected from the cinema (at the correct times and the girls weren't left hanging around the foyer) then I don't personally see a problem with this if the film was age appropriate.

If it was planned all along, then maybe she could have mentioned their plans, but it could have been a spur of the moment thing?

KTeePee · 07/05/2007 14:51

Would have wanted to be consulted first tbh and it would depend exactly where they were dropped off....

I know I need to give my dd a bit more freedom in the next year or so as she will need to get more "street-wise" before going to senior school.... however, I know of a 10 year old boy who got killed here recently, crossing the road after his dad dropped him off somewhere - it has made me want to hold back a bit now....

2sprogsmum · 07/05/2007 14:56

I agree with you, the mother should have asked you first.
My son is 10 and I now let him do this with his friends. But, I always ask the mother first and I also escort them into the screen, wait for them to find their seats and then ask the man/woman at the desk when exactly the film finishes and make sure I am there 5/10 mins early cos I don't want them hanging around.
I started doing this when my dd was born because then my ds was still able to go to the cinema with his friends during the holidays during the day.
Wow, it is soooo refreshing not to sit through crap films anymore eg open season and those sort of God awful films. But I still go with him to see more grown up films like Harry Potter or Spiderman etc.

themoon66 · 07/05/2007 23:20

9 is fine to go to cinema with a couple of friends alone. As long as they weren't having to make their own way back and forth on buses at ungodly hour.

TooTicky · 07/05/2007 23:24

My oldest is 10 and I would rather know if she is going somewhere, even if she was being dropped off and collected. Apologies for mixed tenses, I'm tired.

WendyWeber · 07/05/2007 23:29

Is your 9 your eldest, and the other 9 not their eldest? Only, as you go down the family parents do get a bit slapdash about this sort of thing - with DD1 I was incredibly involved and anal and with DS2 I hardly know what he's doing half the time.

If I'm right, please let me apologise on behalf of slapdash parents of too many kids everywhere

jampot · 07/05/2007 23:45

i wouldnt be happy with this at all. I would let my 10 year old go to the cinema with my 14 year old but definitely not other kids his age. I would be cross with the other mum for allowing it.

Stephanie1970 · 08/05/2007 14:11

I wouldnt be happy about my 10yo DSD going to cinema without my knowledge.
I suppose in all honesty, if the mum had rang me and asked me, and she was taking the kids and collecting them, then I guess I would have allowed it.
I would be furious to find that it had happened without my knowledge though.

My 14 1/2 yo DS stayed at his pals house overnight. I only heard the next day that the boys mum had slept at her boyfriends that night and left my son and her son in charge of the 17yo daughter. I wasn't happy about that happening without my knowledge..but I suppose my DS realised if I'd known about it in the first place, I wouldnt have allowed it.

Tinker · 08/05/2007 14:12

I wouldn't like not being told beforehand. But, if had been, I would have been ok about them going alone, as long as dropped off and collected

Original poster

anicelongbath · 09/05/2007 10:11

thanks everyone - any yes wendyweber - you've hit the nail on the head!

OP posts:

Loshad · 09/05/2007 10:21

I would be rather annoyed as well, and my 9yo is my third so not suffering from pfb syndrome. My 13 yo has just been to a sleepover/cinema party on the same thing, and even then the mum spoke to me and checked I was happy for them to do it. ( is way too young imo, and very easy for them to get into trouble, or up to mischief, or even just disturb the other cinema goers at that age without any adult supervision.

Loshad · 09/05/2007 10:21

( = 9 oops

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