I need help please

[Positiveone2]

I just found out that my daughter has forged her school report
She's been sending pics (inappropriate)to boys
And she's got an under tongue piercing
I'm fuming !!
She has private instagram accounts ..

I feel that I have failed in so many levels.
How could I not see it??

I feel like just killing her!!!
What do I do ?!!

Positive: the problem is that you're giving her the message that she can't be trusted to make her own decisions (which might include mistakes). People need to be supported to learn from their own decisions, not always protected from them.

Me995: I guess your DD is in yr11 so you know moving schools is maybe impossible. I think you should start your own thread, tbh, and of course, raise Hell about specific incidents when you can where, when what happened.

Thank you ladies for all the comments, I'm going to see the head of year tomorrow to talk about the school report and how we can work together to support her especially now that she's got GCSEs coming up. I guess the other things we can just work it out one thing at a time

I think you are wise to start with the school report, because that is quite a worrying sign. It suggests either that the first one contained very serious problems or that she is scared of not living up to expectations. Do you know what actually was that bad about it, why she couldn't just show it to you as it was?

It doesn't have to be about you being unnecessarily harsh either: if teens perceive that their parents are vulnerable and easily upset by anything that isn't perfect, that can be just as difficult for them.

Personally, I don't think you or head of year CAN 'support' her. She is 16. She needs to want to do well. I think it Is really only her that you need a conversation with.

Why is she lying to you? And why is she sending naked photos?

Those are the issues IMO

Hi ladies, just thought I’d keep you updated. I had the meeting yesterday with the head of year and she was amazing. Really supportive and understanding. She reprinted the school report and it wasn’t that bad actually so I was confused. Then she got my daughter in the meeting too and when asked about the report she said and I quote “ I thought that I’m letting you down, because I wasn’t happy with it and thought that you wouldn’t be either”
So all of that because she didn’t want to disappoint me.
We’re having another meeting with the school councillor so she can talk about why she felt that she needed to lie and she will be attending a talk about internet safety again.
And yes the school can help of course even though she’s 16.
But 1 thing I’m glad I did is to vent off here and only spoke to her when we were both calmed down

Good progress, Positive.