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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Are all teenage boys so physical/aggressive?

20 replies

wineoclockthanks · 13/05/2017 12:27

DS15 is always shadow kickboxing, punching the air and generally hitting things (not people, although he pushes his little brother too much for my likeing)

He goes to an all boys school and he's always taking about X hitting Y and A and B having a fight and someone breaking their knuckles cos they hit something or someone.

He does a lot of sport and generally seems happy (well as happy as a 15 year old can be Wink)

Is this par for the course?

I went to an all girls school and haven't got any brothers so don't really know much about teenage boys and DH says he can't remember that far back!!

OP posts:
corythatwas · 13/05/2017 13:37

No. Not suggesting there is anything worrying about your ds, but boys a) have different personalities b) can learn to control themselves if they have to.

Otherwise, why do you suppose the more physical girls don't act in the same way? The simple answer is, that unless they have SN, by the time they get to 15 they have had enough social cues to curb any tendencies this way.

Now as your ds is in any environment where this is encouraged and as he appears to be the "physical" type, I would concentrate on behaviour that he needs to curb for the outside world, as it were.

A little playfighting with his mates, who are equally strong, and if in a place where they are not annoying other people- fine.

Pushing his little brother- not fine.

Making a nuisance of themselves on public transport by pushing each other around when other people want a quiet journey- not fine.

Hitting things he doesn't own, or in your house where it annoys you and other family members- not fine.

It's a bit like swearing: you can only be allowed to do it if you can control it.

robinia · 13/05/2017 14:30

Maybe worth getting him involved in a martial art or rugby (although now out of season) so there is a controlled outlet for his physicality.

Saucery · 13/05/2017 14:34

No, not typical of all teenage boys at all. He needs really clear boundaries about that sort of behaviour in the home and I agree maybe a martial art would be helpful to channel his energy.
DS goes to an all boys school and fights, hitting etc are unusual, although they do happen from time to time (but no more often than they did at my own mixed school).

Westray · 13/05/2017 14:38

Not at all.
I have an older teenage son who even as a 4 year old hated combat or play fighting. Despises sport ( like his father) and keeps fit by running.

I think many boys who are competitive/physical are often nurtured that way, often by their fathers.

OP you say your son is at an all boys school- TBH it is no surprise then that he has learned this aggressive way of communication in such an artificial environment.

Saucery · 13/05/2017 14:42

Rubbish, Westray. Behaviour management is key in all schools. There's nothing about a single sex school that exacerbates or encourages pushing, fighting etc.

AmysTiara · 13/05/2017 14:43

God no mine isn't. He is at a mixed school but has friends who go to an all boys school who don't act like that.

missyB1 · 13/05/2017 14:52

No sorry I have 3 boys and none of them are like that at all. I deliberately didn't send them to either of the all boys schools in our area though, as I always got the impression there was a very "laddish" culture in both of them. All my boys are sporty but not in the least bit aggressive.

CrazedZombie · 13/05/2017 15:21

My son plays a lot of sport so has lots of cuts and bruises. He tells me about some fights but I think he keeps out of them as he's not particularly built for fighting. I wouldn't call him aggressive at all. Grumpy old man at his worst. 😂

dementedma · 13/05/2017 15:28

Ds is certainly more physical than his older sisters were at that age. He's not remotely sporty but loves to tussle with me or dh, wave his fists round ( jokingly) or will deliberately block my way and try and get me to move him. Tickling usually does it!
I am very wary anytime he follows me into the bedroom as there is a high chance of a body tackle onto the bed!!
None of it is even remotely aggressive, I think he's just getting used to this big new body and what it can do

Original poster
wineoclockthanks · 13/05/2017 15:58

Thanks for the replies.

He does kickboxing which, if I'm honest, seems to have made him 'worse' but it could be that he's just showing off his moves all the time and so it's always in our space.

Not sure if I was clear, he has never (as far as I know) hit anyone in anger, he and his brother play wrestle and if he get cross and he knows it's unacceptable to push him and he is always punished if he does.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 13/05/2017 18:34

So maybe all that is needed is some house rules about where he is not allowed to play wrestle:

not in the house (if it annoys you)

not with his little brother (if they are not evenly matched)

not where it may get in the way of other people

At 15, he is old enough to understand about not getting into other people's space.

DameXanaduBramble · 13/05/2017 18:37

No, not all teenage boys are like that, mine isn't. He is very sporty and a bit older, his energy goes on the sport he is studying.

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/05/2017 18:41

Westray
OP you say your son is at an all boys school- TBH it is no surprise then that he has learned this aggressive way of communication in such an artificial environment.

I'm with Saucery, Please don't push this misinformed BS.

0nline · 13/05/2017 18:54

Off court I don't think any of my son's mob are physical/aggressive. Or at least, not as far as I have seen.

Watching DS's game develop over his first season has been a bit of an eye opener though. He'd never so much as pushed anybody in his life until last November. And now he is using his his body to force his way through a wall of massive teenagers (and on Thursdays... get past huge, tall, beefy, fully grown men who look like they could crush him with their little finger)

He doesn't seem to enjoy the physicality of it for its own sake, more he is prepared to take it on as part of the game in order to score and shoot.

But as soon as he walks off court, he is back to his normal, non physical/non aggressive self. There's never been any aggro, or play fighting in the changing rooms. Although the decibel level could be considered assult of nearby eardrums

Maybe he and his mob are so knackered from all the constant training and playing that they run out of the need to get physical outside of their sport ?

Or it could be cultural. They are all either Italian, or have grown up in Italy. The sheer horror of rumpling one's beautifully ironed shirt might wean them off playfighting and rough housing early . Grin

MelindaGordon · 13/05/2017 19:47

I'm going to differ slightly in that I do think it is normal behaviour for boys. Particularly the shadow boxing. I've got three boys and have four younger brothers, none of whom have been in a fight in their lives and it sounds fairly typical. It should be just a phase though and one I find very annoying. I would have thought at 15 he should be growing out of it though or beginning to.

nooka · 14/05/2017 02:39

My ds was quite physical when he was younger, but then so was my dd. They were pretty well matched back then so it really wasn't an issue if they wrestled. A few issues at school when he got angry as he did get a bit more physical than we were happy with. After he started Tae Kwondo he pretty much stopped throwing his weight around. Knowing he could really hurt someone made him a lot more responsible.

Squeegle · 15/05/2017 06:49

My DS is very physical, he has loads of energy, unlike me and his DD, I don't think it's unusual, surely.

Squeegle · 15/05/2017 06:49

Sorry my DD not his!

TeenTan · 19/05/2017 13:33

demented ma - made me smile. I have something similar sometimes.

Lancelottie · 19/05/2017 13:43

No.

Very normal for teenagers to need to run off excess energy in some way, though.

DS and his gang of luvvies channeled the energy into theatre. Anything in which they were meant to be a bunch of loud, bolshy, pugnacious youths (Grease, West Side Story, that sort of thing) was always an eyeopener, and had rows of middle-class parents silently thanking the drama leaders for letting them blow off steam safely on stage instead of for real.

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