18yr old drugs and washing

[everlysu]

My 18yr old son uses cannabis. We've told him not to bring it in the house and when I smell it from his room he denies it.
A few months ago I washed his jeans that must have had skunk in them because the whole load stunk of it. It took me 3 more times washing to get the smell out, so I told him then I didn't want it to happen again. My daughter had recently come home after a time in an adolescent psychiatric unit so it was quite stressful and I can't remember if I issued a specific threat to ds.
Anyway it's happened again and this time his back pocket still has leaves and I even found a bud caught in my daughter's jeans that were washed together. I'm so mad at him, the clothes all stink again including my dd jeans.
Can you help with an appropriate consequence? I think because we have been through a tough time with dd I have let ds off on things and I don't know where to start! Thank you x

Show him the door. He is an adult and it completely disrespecting you and refusing to live by your rules.

Is not it

Maybe that could if it happens again. I don't know what he would do as he runs out of money every month as it is! He works part time and seems to complain when he has too many hours and also when he doesn't have enough hours. I go between kicking him out and hoping it just runs it's course and he settles down soon.

Well for a start he can wash his own clothes. For a second remind him of the rules, and explain next time your calling the cops to have a chat with him. Thirdly if he doesn't follow your rules he's welcome to leave.

It sounds like you need to teach him how to live by myself i.e. Washing, cooking and cleaning etc

At 18 he can do what he likes away from your house. I wouldn't throw him out but I would be checking his pockets more thoroughly before washing. Better still get him to do his own washing.

Why are you washing his clothes? Stop doing that and make him do it. If he continues to ignore your rules about the drugs then I'd ask him to leave.

You need to get tough with him before his wastes his life away.

I was wondering if you son is acting up because of your problems with your daughter's difficulties and he is trying to get attention for himself here?

He may also be experiencing psychiatric difficulties of his own and be anaesthetising himself with cannabis. If he is that is worrying could go on to become seriously disturbed from using it, if it is skunk.

Smelling clothes are not the biggest problem here in my opinion.

Thank you everyone.
My son has had a therapist for around year to help with dealing with his sister's illness. She was an inpatient for 10 months and in that time we had a lot of family support from camhs (and still do). His drug use has been discussed many times, and has settled to what it is now is occasional use.
Dd was seriously ill and our expectations have altered to now be happy the kids are alive.
I had a good chat with him and suggested he start taking more responsibility for himself including washing his own clothes (and checking his pockets) to which he agreed.

I know it seems I'm focusing on the wrong thing but I guess it's a knee-jerk reaction to protect dd's mental health. I am wondering now if I've over reacted, worried about the effect on dd if she knew her jeans had been washed in drugs!

Yes, "being washed in drugs" may be a metaphor for the dreaded illness coming back. I am sorry your DD has been seriously ill, and hope the worst is over now.

It is good your son has had help, is only having cannabis occasionally, and that he will be washing his own clothes.