At my wits end with 14 year old DD

[DD0314]

My DD was bullied quite badly for her first year of secondary school. I eventually moved her to a better school where she's been really happy and a very high achiever. But now her behaviour has gone down hill. Attitude with teachers, excluded last month and lies to me about absolutely everything. I've tried boosting her confidence, focusing on the positives, coming down on her like a ton of bricks, taking EVERYTHING away, telling her how much this'll affect her future. Nothing works. Seriously pulling my hair out. 😡

I think 14/15 are possibly the worse of the teenage years. Hang in there, be careful not to be too controlling - it will back fire, try stay calm, work with this school, keep talking to her/listening to her - it's an emotional roller coaster.

Thank you. Definitely an emotional rollercoaster. I get what you mean about not being controlling. Will keep trying.

I found the book , get out my life but first take me and alex to town, really helpful. It's worth reading and following it's tips. It made a difference here and my D was really difficult.

What matters is to take a consistent approach so she knows what to expect. Decide on which approach you are going to take which you think she is more likely to respond to, let her know what it is and the rules that come with it, and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT.

As said, 14/15 is a difficult age, but don't be afraid to respond to her behaviour the way you think is appropriate and not let her response make you doubt you are doing the right thing. It's all part of the manipulative process they adhere to to test their ability to control situations. It's amazing how we can find ourselves totally doubting her ability to parent them just from how they make their point that we are rubbish parents whatever we do!

I am soo with you OP. My dd will be 15 next week. This has been the toughest year with her. She has been no trouble at all until she hit 14 and then it was like all my troubles had come at once. Tonight I found out she is seeing a 17 year old - she told me last week she has a boyfriend. 15 she said......I cannot believe how much she has changed and how easily the lies flow.

Silverdream I'll look for that.
Swingofthings that makes sense. I doubt myself lots at the mo and do feel pretty rubbish. But I'm definitely sticking to actions/consequences.
Pennypickle that's exactly it! The lies just flow and it's such scary territory. How are you dealing with the boyfriend thing?! Eeeeeek it's so difficult.

My ds is 14.5 and I'm so worried to the point of making me sick. He sits and plays on his xbox constantly from the minute he gets home from school to(10pm now) he only goes out to school, football on a Saturday for a couple of hours and football training for one hour a week. He joined the marine cadets went once, after I'd paid all joining fees etc decided he didn't want to go back. I've told him that this no life and took his xbox away. He ran to his dad's. He is now home and I've told him it's not healthy so have signed him to do a football workshop one day a week in the holidays and some coaching for an hour on a Saturday just to try and get some balance. He doesn't speak to me, hardly see him I'm just so worried something else is going on

I have no idea how to deal with the boyfriend thing tbh. If I stop her seeing him he will seem more attractive to her and I'm sure she will tell me she's going to town with the girls and see him instead.

For now I'm allowing her to see him. I invited him to dinner last night. He seems to be a nice boy. He was very friendly and polite. I have nothing against him personally. It's the age gap that's worrying. There is a big difference between the maturity of a just 15 year old and a soon to be 18 year old.

We have had "the talk". But I'm not sure how to handle the contraception talk. If they are going to dtd I would prefer her to use protection, obviously, but I don't really want to give her my consent for under age sex if you know what I mean?