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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage rudeness- ignore or short,sharp shock?

17 replies

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 13:50

DS ( nearly 16) is pushing his luck, he cannot keep a civil tongue in his head and it's wearing me out!

I am sick of pulling him up on his manners ( he has beautiful manners ,or so everyone tells me and manages perfectly well to be polite to his dad Hmm) the constant eye rolling,snippines,rudeness and entitlement is driving me slowly bonkers...And EVERYTHING is my fault Hmm

He's a good kid , messing around a bit at school atm and teachers mentioned this at school last week at parents evening. I said if it doesn't improve I would appreciate an email and I will put sanctions in at home- loss of phone,WiFi,grounding etc. I have a feeling his behaviour towards me is because he's pissed off I've found out and his flexing his muscles.

I usually ignore rudenss and general 'Kevin' type behaviour and pick my battles but this needs to stop.

What would you do?

Good points- he's a kind boy, home body usually ,works well at school got nice friends and ( sort of with a push) revising well for gsces,loves sport and is volunteering at a charity shop for work experience so as soon as he's 16 he can apply for retail work.

I have a feeling this is a phase but don't want to be a doormat.

Be kind please as I'm feeling a bit delicate after a particularly trying weekendSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 13:53

Oh ,by short sharp shock,I mean cut WiFi with no warning,cancel Netflix or something. I usually think the less teens have to rebel about the better but he's skating on thin ice and i need to make my point.

OP posts:
DeadZed · 06/02/2017 14:14

I think you have to give a warning OP, but only one. "It is not appropriate to speak to me in that manner. If it continues then . . . ."

However I do understand your frustrations. I also think some harsh, real world sanctions are perfectly acceptable though.

Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 14:18

Yes,I prefer warnings tbh then it's their choice to comply...or not!

I have to say I'm fine sing this REALLY hard after having a pretty easy time of things.

OP posts:
theredjellybean · 06/02/2017 14:18

I have to say I always went in hard over rudeness...from a very young age with my DDs ...and was flabbergasted ( interestingly as were both my dds) at how rude their friends were as teenagers...especially my darling goddaughter who my eldest dd was very close to, grew up together etc, when god-daughter was 16 my dd refused to go and stay for family weekends anymore as god-daughter was so rude to her own mother and father my dd found it embarressing. and yes god -daughter was angelic towards me !
I would absolutely put a hard fast stop to rudeness...it is not acceptable in any circumstances.

Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 14:23

I don't actually think there's any excuse,and I've always been hard core about rudeness when he was little,this is a new thing and haa taken me by surprise somewhat.

OP posts:
t875 · 06/02/2017 18:05

Don't mind a bit of banter but won't let it go too far. Definitely won't allow swearing though. I didn't swear in front of my mum and dad so won't be having it

Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 18:45

Oh definitely not banter!

Well I used Dead's suggestion of " that is completely unacceptable etc" and said unless he stops I will change the pass code on Netflix. He came back immediately with " well YOU love Netflix so I doubt you'll do that" I gave him the death stare and reminded him I would still be able to view but he won't be. He looked suitability chastised and pissed off and the rudeness stopped.

So, I'll see how it goes....HmmGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 18:46

Oh there's no swearing in this house until your 18Wink

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/02/2017 18:52

No banter.
Warning and consequence. If you accept rudeness then you are giving the message it's ok.
Remember that teens have very poor impulse control though and are also unlikely to back down once they start down a path. Allow a kind of teen time out. Give them a chance to go and think about how best to deal with a situation. And stay calm.
Laughing hollowly at that last bit! Alternately I find gin helps. A lot! Grin

DeadZed · 06/02/2017 18:53

Well done OP, enjoy your victory. Tbh I find it really upsetting the teenage rudeness. I have a friend whose daughter speaks to her in such a rude way. It is terrible to see. The dd seems to get away with any kind of rudeness to her mum with no consequences. We are really tough on any rudeness or backchat, consequences usually involve early bedtimes, no wifi, no playstation and loss of the phone!.

Original poster
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/02/2017 18:55

Thanks, fortunately just has an email from the school and they said he's really improved . It's probably the effort of being good at school that's too much for him to be nice to me tooGrin

OP posts:
dalmatianmad · 06/02/2017 18:56

Watching with interest, my nearly 16 year old dd sounds identical to your ds and I'm really at the end of my tether Angry

Foldedtshirt · 06/02/2017 19:02

It sounds like you're doing really well DameD
As pp have said its bittersweet when they come back shocked from hearing other teens and their parents. They really hate it!

t875 · 07/02/2017 06:32

When I say banter I mean she can have a bit of cheek but like everyone else I say if your not careful or enough she enough or your lose your lap top or no chatting to you friends etc. Generally she knows how far she can go. We have a good balance. Smile

SouthWestmom · 07/02/2017 07:02

Both my teens (15 and 18) are pretty vile when rude. Short tempered and rude when challenged (have you done your homework? Can you put that in the bin?)
I hate it, it's hard enough navigating the teen independence and new experiences without all this crap on top.

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 07/02/2017 20:54

Being Honest, I don't have kids yet but I am just a few years out of ( and my mum would say sometimes reside in ) the snapping at your mum, being rude when she asks a simple question age.
Im 21 and i'd say i only really stopped in my first year of Uni when i could finally breathe and all my friends still say how ANGRY i was in our first year. Its a combination of hormones and stress which just makes you permanently irritated ( think period moodswings 24/7) and then when I'm just calming down after a day of other people being assh**es and teachers having a go, mum bloody starts telling you to get up and do this 'please' ... so you snap.
He probably doesn't mean to be rude, so id say def give a warning and maybe ask if every things okay because he's been a bit out of sorts? Also watch you're not using the 'Mum voice' which is where you say it almost to yourself but definitely to the kids in a kind of sing-song I'm so hard done by, i do every thing voice ( even though you do), or like you expected the to do it before you asked.
Just my two cents -I'm glad to hear he's getting better at school again, My little brothers driving my Step-mum up the wall right now so I see how it is x

Astro55 · 07/02/2017 21:00

I'd treat them like you would if a friend was rude

So if he's rude to you say nothing - walk away - next 3 things he asks - can I have a lift? Can I have £10 can I go to Xnparty - say No - you were rude to me.

That way they almost set their own consequences

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