teenage son 15 and controlling husband

[barbsbarbs]

I posted the other day about my teenage son coming in later, being very rude, wanting to leave home etc. Im going to say the person nwho lives with me rather than husband, because last night hub wa threatening to call the police, social services on my son and making him extremely worried. I am finding it very difficult to cope wiht how he treats my son, shouts at him and judges him rather than calmly discussing things, and I cant do a thing about it.

Is your husband not your son's father?
Your duty is to protect your son, and you need get him out of that environment if your husband is damaging him. Your son's rude behavior is a sign that he is angry at your husband and probably you as well.

My hubby was quite tough with my son (now 23) at that age, and the situation seemed to repeat through all of my friends with teenage boys. All teenagers push the boundaries and need a firm hand, but I too felt my husband was too hard on my son at the time.
I think too, that as boys become men there is an 'alpha male' posturing that goes on between fathers and sons, almost a battle for the older male to assert his dominance. All failings by my son to act as he should led to angry scenes. Let's face it, boys that age can have monumental failings of judgement and deliberate rebellion. With mine, it was multiple body piercings that my husband absolutely loathed. We laugh about it now.

To be clear; there was never physical violence and I was never worried for my son's safety, but the atmosphere in the house was sometimes awful.
I saw a documentary on TV during the situation where a father explained his own tough stance by saying: "I'm not here to be my son's best friend, I'm here to teach him about life".
This period lasted around 2 years, and they now are back to being good friends with a trusting relationship. I would add though, that my son is more wary of my husband as a result.