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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Advice on contraception for 18 yr old daughter

45 replies

triplets · 13/07/2016 07:45

Hi, my dd and he b/f have been together for 7 months now and so far no sex, she says she is not ready..........but! They are both off to uni together in Sept so I am worried the obvious will happen sooner than later and I want her to be prepared before she goes. She also has dreadful periods so maybe the pill would help? A friend mentioned yesterday using an implant as my dd is very forgetful and might miss a pill or two! I am behind the times now with all this so would love your opinions please. I don't want to push her into anything if she isn't ready, but on the other hand............I will worry! x

OP posts:

titchy · 13/07/2016 07:53

Seriously?! Nowt to do with you and you really shouldn't be researching or recommending. If she wants long term contraception she should go to a family planning clinic and discuss the options with them.

ChickyDuck · 13/07/2016 07:54

I had really horrific periods as a teenager. Going on the pill was like waving a magic wand! Shorter, predictable, much lighter and less painful, it's wonderful. In fact, I started the pill years before I was sexually active for this reason. I have friends who have the injection/implant and swear by them, but personally I like the control the pill gives you.

PeaceOfWildThings · 13/07/2016 07:56

She should talk to her GP about what would be most suitable for her. Not everyone gets on with the Pill, and it's a good idea to try it for a few months before deciding on an implant. Even so, an implant isn't for everyone.

Her body, her choice. There's plenty of great professional advice available to her online that she should have free access to.

Ifailed · 13/07/2016 07:57

Just because the OP's DD is now 18, doesn't mean her well-being is 'nowt to do with her'? However, I do agree the DD should discuss this either with her GP or clinic. Meanwhile, nothing wrong with the OP getting up to date with contraception?

NerrSnerr · 13/07/2016 07:59

You're post seems to be all about your wants and feelings. Why are you worried 'the obvious will happen'? She's 18- old enough to have sex when she wants??

I would advise her to speak to GP or family planning clinic if she asks about it but if not let her get on with it.

Tinklypoo · 13/07/2016 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

triplets · 13/07/2016 08:51

Thank you for your kind and unkind comments. I will not ask for advice again as I feel very hurt. This is not at all about me its about a 64 yr old mother who has an 18yr old daughter who she loves very much and knows how naïve she is for her age. I am totally out of touch with contraception and just wanted advice from you younger mums to advise her.

OP posts:

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/07/2016 08:56

Don't flounce triplets, unfortunately there are some posters who see everything through a particular lens.

I would just gently encourage her to go to her GP or FPC. Once she's at uni it will be harder to find the time and space to do so.

No one can really advise on the best type of contraception, it's very much an individual choice.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 13/07/2016 08:57

Never fails to amaze me on MN how we are supposed to be so involved with our children for 18 years then drop them like a hot brick in their 18th birthdays as they're 'adults' !

OP I'd suggest you discuss this with your DD and get her to arrange an appt with her GP. Tell her it may improve her periods but also ensure she's covered should she want to have sex with her BF

BumbleNova · 13/07/2016 09:03

I really recommend the implant as an option. its brilliant. no periods and no risk of pregnancy, it lasts for three years.

BUT it is not for everyone, she needs to find someone knowledgeable to have a good discussion with. GPs are very hit and miss, maybe a sexual health clinic? trying to discuss options other than microgynon with my own GP was next to impossible.

bananapeanut · 13/07/2016 09:06

I recommend a mirena coil (I'm 22 and have a coil myself). The mirena stops/lightens your periods and you don't have to take it out for years.

bananapeanut · 13/07/2016 09:07

And also I think it's great that you can talk to your daughter about contraception 😊 I think we're far too prudish on MN when it comes to sex discussions

shabbs · 13/07/2016 09:08

Oh my word Trips!! 'Interesting' comments.

I can remember my Mum (it was around 1974 in the 'olden days) when I was 18 giving me the contraception talk.....she said 'Be careful when you are around boys they are all after one thing!!' and that was it lol.

'Titchy' just interested in why it is 'nowt' to do with Mum and why she shouldn't be researching or recommending? I thought thats what most parents and their grown up children did? I have had 4 DS's.....when the eldest went on holiday just with his friends for the first time, I packed a massive box of condoms for him. He said he was a bit about it when he unpacked his suitcase but after a night out in Kavos he understood why

I would rather be seen as interfering by my kids than not interested at all.

frenchielala · 13/07/2016 09:10

Triplets, I think it is great that you have this sort of relationship with your daughter - she is a very lucky girl.

Just wanted to put a word in for condoms - it could be a better introduction to contraception than something hormonal. Teenage hormones + the pill can sometimes be a little overwhelming. They are also the only contraception that can protect against STDs and even if this isn't something that concerns her with current boyfriend it is good for her to be aware of STDs and how to prevent them.

CmereTilliTellYa · 13/07/2016 09:15

I don't recommend the mirena coil. It's not for everyone and it's expensive if it doesn't work out. I think a copper cool is a better bet as no hormones but it can make periods heavier.

I think for the first time using contraception I'd opt for something easier to stop if there were any side effects, like the pill. I'd also stress the importance of using condoms always, regardless of what she is using herself, unless in a serious long term relationship where both parties have been tested for STDs and even then relationships don't always last, people cheat etc.

I also don't see the problem at all with taking to your 18 year old about this. Ideally it'd be part of a longer running conversation about these kinds of issues that started much younger, but they fact she's 18 doesn't mean you suddenly have to leave her to her own devices. The OP is best placed to know how much her DD will want to talk about this kind of thing with her Mum. She might like a good chat about it or she may just want to be pointed in the direction of her GP.

MyBreadIsEggy · 13/07/2016 09:16

An appointment for her at a sexual health clinic or her GP is probably your best bet. She can get all the relevant information from a professional, and make an informed decision about what's best for her

NerrSnerr · 13/07/2016 09:18

I apologise, my comment was unkind. I misread the tone of the OP (which is no excuse for me being snipey).

I think the best advice would be to suggest she chats to the family planning clinic. I usually have an implant and love it but it doesn't suit everyone.

titchy · 13/07/2016 09:21

Because a family planning practitioner is FAR FAR FAR better placed to advise than her mum and a load of Internet randoms.

A post asking how to broach the subject of sex and relationships is fine, but asking for specific contraceptive methods for an adult is not.

pinkbraces · 13/07/2016 09:25

The law according to titchy

CmereTilliTellYa · 13/07/2016 09:32

Titchy don't be ridiculous. It's possible to walk the line between over invested/interfering and helpful/interested you know. I'm in my thirties and perfectly capable of making my own decisions but still actually enjoy my Mums input and opinion on things, not sex related granted as that's a bit TMI at this stage given I'm in my thirties and married, but it is possible to have a good relationship with your mother that doesn't have to end the minute you turn 18.

CmereTilliTellYa · 13/07/2016 09:33

And the OP posted for advice and contraception isn't rocket science, given most of us will have tried various methods over the years. If you look back, many posters suggested GP/family planning clinic without implying the OP was unreasonable to have even asked the question.

Tinklypoo · 13/07/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreeFromHarm · 13/07/2016 09:54

My mum was a matron very old school , never told me a thing... and she was also a midwife !!, I think OP my new daughter in law has said the melina coil ( which banana suggested) is a good .
I still advise my eldest who is 30, and my daughter who is nearly 14 likes to involve me in the important issues of life, I love that.
Op ask your daughter is she wants you to pop along to the gp with her, then it works both ways.
Make sure you tell her about the smear because they will do one if she doesn't already know x

titchy · 13/07/2016 10:00

Fair enough - my posts were somewhat snippy i agree, for which apologies.

You sound like you do talk to her already which is great obviously, so continue talking and signpost to your nearest family planning clinic. But don't suggest particular methods, or suggest she uses something because you worry about her....

titchy · 13/07/2016 10:02

Freefrom - excellent advice re smear tests - absolutely that should be drummed into her, even if she had the HPV injection.

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