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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it okay to do girlfriends washing?

34 replies

1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 13:56

Bit of an odd one this haha

I have 10 days off work as I booked it off months ago thinking we would go on holiday but didn't in the end. I thought I'd use this time to spend with my family and get on top of the house work. Today I thought I'd do all the washing, including my children's washing too but I came across a slight issue, for me anyway.

My older sons girlfriend often stays with us meaning his wash basket is full of her stuff too as they usually do their own washing. I'm not sure if it is okay for me to wash her clothes(and underwear too) or if I should leave it.
Leaving and doing everyone else's feels a bit rude though.

OP posts:
Mumof2lovelys · 23/05/2016 14:00

Im assuming she is out at the moment and you can't just ask?

Do you have her number? If you do you could text her and say you are putting some washing on does she want you to do hers too or leave it.

If you need to do the washing sooner than you are able to speak to her then just explain to her when she gets home that's you didn't want to leave it and seem rude or if you decide to leave it tell her you didn't know if it was appropriate to do. The ask her if she's okay with you doin her washing so you'll know for next time.

wafflesplenty · 23/05/2016 14:02

I would assume it's cool if it's in the washing basket & I would be delighted if someone did mine !

If there were any issues surely she would keep it separated / out the way / take it home !

Jennyf68 · 23/05/2016 14:02

Leave it and she can take it home for her own mother to do. She shouldn't even be putting her washing into your wash basket, very inappropriate.

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:10

wafflesplenty and jennyf68 everyone has there own wash basket plus one in the bathroom for towels. We have 3 of my children and 2 of my partners plus me and my partner living in one house, our basket would get very full very quick if we had to share one basket between 7 plus girl/boyfriends. Also with everyone doing there own it just would be a mess and very confusing having one between everyone.

mumof2lovelys I do have her number but as she's at work I won't get a reply. I just decided to do it now, like wafflesplenty said I'd be delighted if someone did my washing for me. I will ask her for next time when she gets home just incase it isn't okay.

OP posts:
Onfleek · 23/05/2016 14:13

How old are all your children and the girlfriend? Can't they do the washing themselves?

You booked time of for a holiday so use it as time to relax.

I wouldn't even allow the girlfriend to be staying over at all especially not often enough to need to use the wash basket.

Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:15

If it's in the wash basket it gets washed.
Seriously not an issue.
Its not all the time and DSS' are made really welcome and at home at their girlfriends homes.

My only problem is working out whose is whose so there tends to be a pile of teenage girl clothes and the girls can retrieve their own stuff!,

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:18

onfleek my three are 16, 17 and 19 and the girlfriend is 18 and my patents two are 16 and 18. Yeah, they can and they do but whilst I was doing all the house work I may as well help out doing their washing.

I could relax if it was just a weekend but I have nothing to do for 10 days and will just be sat around watching boring day time tv whilst everyone else is at work or school/college and is exam time for them. Nothing wrong with being helpful. And if I get it over and done with now then I'll have time to relax at the end of my time off.

OP posts:
lavenderdoilly · 23/05/2016 14:18

They can do it together or she can do her own in her own house. You are not their servant.

Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:19

I knew the cat' bums faces would be here!

Seriously, what is the problem. If the machine is going on, it's on!
It's not like your hand washing them or expected to pay a dry cleaning bill.

I'm glad sons' friends feel relaxed to come here, stay and treat it like a home. They don't take advantage or mess things up so I'm not getting up tight about sticking a pair of leggings, socks and nix in a washing machine.

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:20

whathaveilost I know it's not an issue but I'm a worrier. Grin

Yeah I didn't think about what happens when it all comes out. Got 3 teen boys and 3 teen girls clothes to sort through, sounds like a nightmare.

OP posts:
ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 23/05/2016 14:20

I would leave their basket and do everyone else's. Ask her when you see her later. It isn't worth upsetting her- there might be skimpy knickers or other embarrassing/private things in the basket. Don't risk it!

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:22

lavenderdoilly I know I'm not their servant and in no way to the treat me like I am. They usually do all their own washing but whilst I'm home with nothing to do I may aswell help out.

OP posts:
ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 23/05/2016 14:24

It is one thing to do the washing when everyone knows you're going to do the washing but quite another when it is a ninja wash ie covert.

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:25

chopsticks That what I was worrying about. Things like leaking on periods can be very emabressing but all to common. I would die if anyone ever saw my messy knickers. I've done it now. Tried not paying to much attention to what each item was whilst sorting into colours though haha.

OP posts:
lavenderdoilly · 23/05/2016 14:26

I'd ask first, then. Actually I'd find anything to do than other people's washing on my precious days off. Even with my cat's bum faceGrin

Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:28

Iknow it's not an issue but I'm a worrier grin
Not you OP, all the others with their your not their servant type remarks.
It really annoys me! It's like you can't do a kind thing for anyone.

I'd just say if she doesn't come in your home and taking the kick and is quite normal and nice why not?

I have a nice relationship with one of my lads gf ( the other is still quite new and we are still getting to know her) but I've always done small things like plate a meal up for her to take to work next day when I've done one for son, I've stuck her washing in when there has been that type of wash been done. She in return has taken us out for tea, given us lifts when we've neede one etc.
Same with DS at her mum and dads. They've done his washing when he has stayed there a few days, he's mowed the grass etc

It's just about being nice to each other.

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:29

lavenderdoilly I would too but I'm trying to get on top of everything the next couple of days then I'm planning on relaxing and spending time with my family as I don't get to very often.

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:29

Actually I'd find anything to do than other people's washing on my precious days off. Even with my cat's bum face

Lol! I don't even want to do mine on my days off!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/05/2016 14:33

Yes, do it ( if you want to) I wouldn't give it a second thought!

lavenderdoilly · 23/05/2016 14:33

Whatever works for you, then. I would never like another person (apart from dh) doing my laundry and would never expect them to.

Original poster
1stworldproblemss · 23/05/2016 14:34

whathaveilost Oh my bad then. Yeah I know, even if I'm not their servant I still am their mother and will help and do things for them when needed.

I do have a very good relationship with girlfriend, she's very helpful around the house and she makes my son happy so I have no reason not to help her out or let her stay over.

I really do not understand comment like I shouldn't allow the girlfriend to stay over.

OP posts:
ApocalypseSlough · 23/05/2016 14:34

Even if it's sensible and practical sometimes it's best not to do somethings. It's entrenching your position as a drudge.
And what is with the 10 days with nothing to do but housework and tv watching? You could learn a language in that time or walk the Penine Way. Shock

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 23/05/2016 14:39

You sound gorgeous OP. I want to be that kind of parent when my kids get to that age. I was never "allowed" to have boyfriends, my parents always said I was too young and should be concentrating on my school / uni studies and stuff. I don't think the two have to be mutually exclusive!

Anyways I think you did a very nice thing. And doubly nice because you were worried about it Smile

Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:43

Yeah I know, even if I'm not their servant I still am their mother and will help and do things for them when needed
That's my feelings as well! I can never understand some posters who newer a post on this page by saying things like 'they are old enough to mak their on meals now, do their own washing etc etc'

Some posters seem to suggest withdrawing from normal everyday chores when you have a tiff with your teenagers! ( slightly irrevelant to this thread but still on the same lines)

Whathaveilost · 23/05/2016 14:48

Even if it's sensible and practical sometimes it's best not to do somethings. It's entrenching your position as a drudge
Say what?????
its entrenching your position as a drudge

Where has the OP gave any indication that she is viewed as that?

Surely washing has to be done sometime. Does it matter who puts it on?
I've been alone in the house all day, I've cleaned the bathroom put the washing machine on and Coke tea. I bet my family are laughing at me especially as I went on a trip to Manchester yesterday with my friends while DH ironed the uniforms for the week, got the shopping in while DS hovered.
Maine shit is posted on MN

Hope your not too much of a drudge OP with that washing machine!

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