I think that my 18 year old son may be stealing from me

[Poppysquad]

Last weekend I had around £200 in my purse, £120 that son repaid me and a further £80 that I had taken out of the cash machine. I now have £55 and I suspect that the reason is that my 18 year son has taken money from my purse.

There is no way that I have spent anyway near £145 in less than a week. I work full time and very rarely buy myself lunch out. I have done some shopping this week, but again, no where near £145 worth.

My son is at school and he also works part-time which means he comes home at around 11:15 pm
after my partner and I have gone to bed. He earns quite a bit in his job but spends every penny - and more. He used to hassle me a bit for money for petrol for his car, but this has stopped recently. I hoped that this was because he was managing his money better. Now I suspect it is because he taken money from my purse.

This is not the first time that I have suspected this, but I have always been very wary, never sure, and I am still not 100% sure now.

I really don't know what to do. I just know that I feel terrible

I know it's not a nice thing to suggest , but Can you set up some kind of trap, and see if your son takes the money?

I wouldn't confront unless you're 100% sure because once they deny it you start doubting yourself unless you are on really solid ground. You could ask casually if he's borrowed any money which would give him the chance to own up. After that I'd be putting my money away and making sure I knew how much was in it at all times. If it happens again then you can confront. It's horrible but not that unusual sadly.

If you accuse him he might confess but more likely he will tell you you are nuts and he didn't steal anything.

So if I were you I would say out loud in front of everyone in the family including your son that you are missing money from your purse.

Then I would not leave any money anywhere he can get it.

But also I would worry about why he needs the money- is it really just for petrol. So maybe in a non confrontational conversation I would sit with him and say I suspect you are stealing money, I can't prove it but I am worried about you - if you do this to anyone else they will call the police, and why do you need the money anyway. Mind you I have my own 19 year old in mind as I say this. only you know.

Definitely share your suspicions with his father.

I think Clare's post is right - sadly not that uncommon and it is horrible

My dd was stealing from me but couldn't prove it. I set a trap and caught her. I made an appointment with the police and took her there for a good talking to. She thinks they have her on their database, but they don't really.

I would give your ds a good scare before he carries it outside the home.

So put cash in your purse and actually log how much is in there and how much you use.

I would make him repay the money

Hide your purse and / or your money. As others have said, it's not uncommon, but is v. upsetting. Agree with suggestion to make a general statement to everyone that you are missing money, and you'll be keeping a close eye on your bag in future. I went down the route of counting every penny, but that way madness lies. Trust your gut here - you know it's been stolen.

Stopped in our home when said teenager got a job and their own money. Even now though, I treat cash as I would alcohol around an alcoholic - out of the house altogether or extremely well hidden.

Thanks all for your help and advice. I am divorced from his father - but will make sure that he knows too. I have decided to tell him casually that I am pretty sure that there is money missing - has he taken any for any reason. This might at least deter him from doing it again. I will really try to keep tabs on the money in my purse and and keep my handbag hidden.

My son hardly communicates with me - only if I initiate a conversation. He is constantly out with his friends. Is this usual too? I am concerned about the idea that there might be other things driving him to steal money.

I would say pretty normal. My teen only speaks to me when she wants something. Literally. She is vile a lot of the time.

He needs another part time job by the sound of it. My teen steals because she's too lazy to get off her arse and do something to earn it.