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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

21 year old with no 'lust for life'

27 replies

Connie2 · 17/01/2016 17:30

Hi all,

Having a few issues with my eldest child, she has everything going for her, a great job, loving family and no health or money wories but she seems so miserable at the moment. I'm sure she suffers from 'SAD' as is not usually as bad as this the rest of the year but she seems to have no lust for life. She comes home from work, gets into her pj's and after dinner just gets into bed and watches hours of tv. She does go out and socialise occasionaly (once a week maybe) but seems to just want to hibernate! She snaps at her siblings (9 and 12) and generally makes home life quite unhappy... whatever I suggest to encourage her out of this is ignored and whenever we do anything together as a family it usually turns into a disaster as she can't help sniping at the other 2! Anyone else going through this with theirs or have any suggestions?

OP posts:
gleam · 17/01/2016 17:42

What's wrong with her 'hibernating'? If she's working, paying you rent(?) and socialising from time to time, I don't see a problem with it.

Snapping at her siblings and making home life unhappy - can you expand on this?

MaybeDoctor · 17/01/2016 17:43

What is her job?

Original poster
Connie2 · 17/01/2016 17:57

Hi Gleam, yes I wouldn't mind the hibernating if it was every now and then but its every nights, she spends hours watching trashy US tv programmes and not interacting with the family then moans that she feels left out. I feel like I can't win!

She constantly picks her brothers up on things, even in front of me as if she is their mother. They walk on egg shells around her as never know how to gauge her mood. I get that they can be irritating to her due to the age gap but she snaps constantly at them which causes arguments :0(

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 17/01/2016 17:58

MaybeDoctor - she works in an office and gets on really well with her colleagues, she loves her job.

OP posts:
gleam · 17/01/2016 19:44

Re the moaning at feeling left out - I'd simply say something like 'You're always welcome to join us'.

The acting as if she's their mother - I have one of these - also 21! For us, it's always been a nice enquiry, say, 'How was school?' Younger dc resents it. As it's not nasty, I've left it. Snapping at younger dc I'd definitely intervene.

Original poster
Connie2 · 17/01/2016 20:01

Thanks again Gleam, she has had some time out (went for a drive) and is now back in her room no doubt watching more rubbish. I just think that it is so unhealthy and she is wasting the best years of her life. Hopefully once Spring is here her mood will lift and she will feel like getting out more. I can hope anyway!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/01/2016 20:09

Sounds just like my 20yo

Original poster
Connie2 · 17/01/2016 21:04

Glad to hear I am not alone!

She was an exemplary teenager... can't have everything I guess!

Just had a heart to heart, we talked, cried and hugged. Both going to try harder to get on :0)

OP posts:
N3wYear2016 · 17/01/2016 22:02

21 to 9 and 12 is a big age gap

Does she have any plans to move out ?

Does she have boyfriend/girlfriend ?

bigTillyMint · 18/01/2016 07:09

Well it could be a variety or combination of things -

is it only at this time of year? She might indeed have SAD?
was she like this as a teen, or is she "just" going through it now?
she might wish she was living in a flat with others her age?
she might be fed-up because she doesn't have a great social life/a boy or girlfriend, etc?

Namehanger · 18/01/2016 07:23

Buy some vit D drops, tasteless. Drop some into her drinks.

Most people in the UK are Vit D deficient, it's a cheap, harmless supplement. It is linked to so many illness including depression. In my household we call it the happy drug. It supports your immune system and should hopefully lift her mood, give her more energy.

bigTillyMint · 18/01/2016 07:23

Namechanger, that sounds like a great tip! Can you get them anywhere?

anxious123 · 18/01/2016 08:11

I'm her, except I don't live with family. I regularly work 40 hours a week and I rarely go out, preferring to curl up with my dog and a book. She's only 4 years younger than me. I deal with people all day/night depending on.shifts, she might just like her alone time.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 18/01/2016 08:20

Sounds exactly like me at that age. Looking back, I was mildly depressed and just felt exhausted all the time. I could sleep for England. Now I wonder if I had some post viral thing from Glandular fever at 16. I was also on the Pill which I think explains a lot about my early - mid twenties looking back.

rogueantimatter · 18/01/2016 10:21

My 19YO doesn't have much energy either. Different circumstance to your DD as her flat is very cold and there's no sitting-room. Apparently she often gets straight into her jammies when she gets home from uni and spends the evening in bed watching trashy tv too (sometimes a film) and flicking between facebook and instagram.

I sometimes wonder if our food and environment are sufficiently contaminated to affect the energy levels of many many people. It's very hard to get an adult to eat well and get exercise if they can't be bothered.

I'd get her a good quality multi-vitamin and mineral supplement for women of child-bearing age.

Is she unhappy in love perhaps?

Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 12:58

N3wYear2016 - Yes, it is a bit of an age gap, no, she doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment and I think this may be part of the issue. She would love to move out (only just moved back in after 3 years at uni) I know it takes some adjustment moving back home... for everyone! We live in a very expensive area and her office is a 5 minute drive so moving out of the area would make her have a longer commute but I guess she has to weigh up which is more important!

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 12:59

HI BigTillyMint - I do really think that SAD comes into it somewhere, please see my message above about living with friends her own age x

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 13:00

Thanks Namehanger! I will definitely look into getting some of these... for the whole family!

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 13:02

Hi Anxious123 - I myself am happy curled up with a book and am completely comfortable with my own company, I just worry that she is wasting the best years of her life being stuck indoors. She is such a lovely, happy girl usually and has a lot of friends. I definitely think she is worse in the winter months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 13:03

Tweeterandthemonketman - thank for your message, she too is on the pill, why do you think there could be a link to her low mood? She also sleeps for England, but then always has done since she was a baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 13:07

Rogueantimatter - She eats very healthily (a lot better than I do!) but doesnt exercise which I think would make a difference. I am trying to encourage her to come out running/walking with me in the evenings but she wont at the moment (she did last year) so I am hoping once Spring appears she might change her mind. She isn't unhappy in love but I think not having a boyfriend may be partly to do with it. I will definitely get her some multivitamins with vitamin D. I think that all of these trashy films and tv series she watches give her an unrealistic idea when boy meets girl... its not always like it is in the movies! x

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 18/01/2016 13:19

Another thought - after being a student for three years is it perhaps a novelty for her to have a cosy room and comfy bed etc? One that she'll soon get fed up of?

Original poster
Connie2 · 18/01/2016 13:41

Possibly! I will cling to that thought... (wink)

OP posts:
anxious123 · 18/01/2016 19:00

My next door neighbour would be majorly jealous... her 21 year old is the total opposite and a nightmare for coming in all hours and waking her youngest up with some very bad drunken singing

Namehanger · 19/01/2016 08:03

Search online for Natures Remedy - they sell all vitamins etc. That's where I buy them from.

Three years ago I got diagnosed with MS, did some research and started taking high dose Vit D tablets. My energy levels increased, other MS related improvements and now.....

I have gone back to work as a full time solicitor.

This stuff works.