Teenage relationships what's the norm

[Becky3633]

DD 14 has been with her boyfriend about 4 months. Today they have spent all day together at the cinema and dinner then been on the phone 5 hours since coming home . She usually sees him once or twice a week but they seem to be on the phone or FaceTime all the time it's beginning to piss me off. They are anti social enough without this , she will come down and eat with me , wolfs it down in 2 minutes then she's off again glued to her phone. She seems to have forgotten her friends over the holidays as well it's like she's obsessed !

IMO that does sound excessive.

Speaking for my DC - DD had a bf when she was 14 for six months. They texted each other quite a bit but didn't expect to see each other very often in school holidays.

16YO DS has never (to my knowledge) had a gf.

When DD was 15 she had another bf who was a bit older - both were fairly busy which limited their out of school time together a bit, but I did my utmost to provide other activities - we share a hobby so I took her to hobby things (despite being nackered) and invited her to come shopping with me and my purse, out for walks and coffees, encouraged her to see friends etc.

Keep em as busy as possible.

Also encourage bf to come to yours for dinner (instead of going out) and keep him at the table for as long as possible - two courses + coffee. Nothing like your bf engaging in dull, polite conversation with the 'rents to take the shine off their image. Raving on about how lovely he is can sometimes shorten an unhealthy relationship too.

Yes it's the norm. But I would try and encourage her to see friends more. Some will be forgiving about being temporarily forgotten,but some wont. She will need her friends when/if they breakup. After all, most friendships outlast relationships, especially at 14. So yes, pretty important to maintain friendships.

I too would distract. Family day in/or out, all screens put away or internet off. Encourage her to invite a friend round. And remember it'll all pass.

DS 14 has had a girlfriend for 18 months now. At first they only saw each other at school or chatted on line. Since the summer they have started seeing each other out of school, sometimes on a Sunday afternoon or for an afternoon during the holidays. Fortunately they both have outside interests which take up a fair amount of time, and they sometimes all meet up with a group of friends. I'm lucky in that I don't think they spend too much time together, but obviously they do like each other. They also both have lots of other friends. I think DS is quite unusual having a girlfriend at his age (none of his friends do.).

I'd keep questioning how friends are/if she knows what they're up to as it's a good way of telling if she still speaks to them. Maybe ask if they want to come round aswell so you make sure she isn't pushing them away?

Is she only talking to HIM all the time she's on phone? 14yo DD would be sharing lots of msgs with all her other friends, too.

Thankfully they spilt up a month ago. It turned out to be far from normal he was controlling her every move and not allowing her to speak to friends even had all her social media passwords. She has since admitted he spat at her and pushed her a few times . She won't give a statement to police unfortunately, God forbid I should ever bump into him.

Becky that's horrendous! It is worth spending to school pastoral care team so they can offer support to your DD and also watch out for his next victim girlfriend?

I have done so already he is creeping all over her friends currently to try and irritate her and hope she wants him back but thankfully she seems very strong think she'd wanted to do it for a while but was intimidated by him.

What a good job she has learned her lesson early, when you are around for support!

Thank you for updating.

What a cautionary tale1 How horrible for everyone.