things you wished you had known/done...

[tostaky]

Hi,

I have three DS - The eldest is 7 and has always been a handful, super active, very demanding but also super bright. If there is one naughty thing to be done, he will do it. He is not violent though but can be bullish.

I can see he is going to be the one engaging in risky behaviours. My other two DS are angels compared to him.

If you had a similar boy, do you wish you had done things differently, what and why? Or things you wish you had known?

Thank you for helping an anxious mummy!!!

My ds used to be super active - it was exhausting. Couldn't just have a quiet duvet day as he had to be doing things. But at the same time he was lovely. Like you say never violent and never vindictive.

I am not sure of I could have done anything differently. Certainly couldn't punish him for wanting to run around.

I found daily visits to the park helped and also evening activities (swimming/football)

Gets easier but it will be a few years yet I am afraid

I dreaded the teenage years. I now have two of the darned things (male versions).

I wish I'd known that teenagers are very often great company, hilarious, kind and interesting. I wish I'd known that they are just people, not scary or dangerous - the same people they were before 13 and are going to be after 19 but going through emotional changes. I wish I'd known that (for me) it would be the best stage of parenthood and not spend the prior ten years dreading it.

Enjoy!

Haff As a parent of one of each my DS's teenage years were a joy after going through my DD's teenage years. I used to hide sometimes to avoid her foul moods

Haff - thank you
Yes I think I am a bit too anxious...

Best thing I did, when he was little, was take him out every day. Regardless of weather, we'd get out and about in the outside air.

Then I signed him up to a swimming club. Don't know what it was about swimming but it really seemed to settle him - more than any other sort of exercise.... trampolining, for example, seemed to wind him up to greater heights.

Best thing in the whole world though, from when he was 6 to present day (he's now a Leader) was signing him up for Scouts. Something every month to use up energy and also direct all that energy in the right direction. Can't recommend it enough.

I read 'Raising Boys' which helped. I read a few books actually, they always helped me feel I wasn't alone, things weren't that bad and I also felt more positive and ready to face the day. Some tips that stick in the mind were praising when they did something good, even if it's just what one would normally expect eg. playing nicely, sharing toys. I also decided myself to concentrate on one undesirable behaviour at a time. I had twin DSs so it was a bit of a nightmare and I'd have been exhausted if I hadn't picked my battles. So for example one week I concentrated on getting them to stop throwing their building bricks acround the room (and on one occasion smashing the window). Haha, yes - bet your little boy seems an angel now!
What Haff said is sooo true. I worried about my DSs teenage years and they were fine. Same can't be said of DD!! She didn't throw bricks but made up for it later!
Enjoy him in the here and now, he won't be 7 forever .

Totally agree with backforetc, get out every day, running around, exercise, is great. Team sports great too if they want to. Also talk to them and listen, a lot. Also read to them for as long as possible. Go to museums galleries, etc, don't get hung up on them going around seeing everything properly, let them go at whatever speed they want.basically engage them and engage with them.

My son, now 14, was also REALLY active! He couldn't stop. He had no sense of danger, no fear, and could go OTT quickly. I also worried!

Now he's 14 he's absolutely brilliant. Still active. But I'd say the one thing that keeps him away from risk is that he's got an amazing sense of what is right and wrong, what is idiotic, what is mean, a moral compass inside his head.

I was always very strong with him, really clear about rules, expected him to be considerate. Its mind that controls (hopefully) all that mad energy!

My DS1 was the energiser bunny... and with no sense of 'this is a bad idea' either! If there was a bad idea then generally he'd try it!

I won't lie... we had some pretty horrible teen years, with some really vile behaviour..lying, punching walls, stealing from us. Refusing to accept responsibilities for his stupid actions.

BUT along with the the daft risky behaviours.. ranging from smoking weed, to scaling tall buildings to run along them (!!) he learned who he was... a guy who needs to be occupied 24/7, who needs to be creative and a bit daft..but can be a fabulous man too.

He's 22 now. Still skates, as he has done from age 4, at the local ramps, still does mad physical challenges sometimes . Works all day in a tricky job supporting adults with severe disabilities and challenging behaviour.. then goes off to play the local pubs and clubs with his guitar..and getting paid for it!

The bad teen years faded into a busy, daft, slightly offbeat adult who is still as active but channels it into music, drawing..and is about to go off backpacking round Australia! He gradually matured into a lovely man with a clear moral compass , a gentle loving nature and someone I love to have around!

We tried to guide him, let him take the consequences for his actions and had faith he'd turn out ok :)

Exercise, exercise and exercise :) - limit screen time but in crafty ways rather than banning - ie by being active and outside as much as possible. We walk and talk a lot, young teens much more likely to open up when relaxed.