14 year old dd wearing too small bras

[Dancergirl]

Dd1 is 14 and has always been quite shy about her body. Bought her first bras aged 11 or so, she wanted to start wearing them. She didn't want to be measured by shop staff so I measured her at home, took her to M & S and I took her in a few sizes to try. Can't remember what size that was then.

She has gradually grown more and more shy about the whole issue and completely ignores gentle suggestions by me that she might need a bigger size.

The last time she actually tried some on in a shop was at least 18 months ago, I think we bought 30D. A few months ago I noticed she had grown quite a bit and looking at the cup sizes of her bras I could see there's no way they would fit her. So I discretely bought her some 30DDs and left them in her room and said she could try them at her leisure.

I think she has been wearing a mixture of the old and new ones but I'm not convinced she's in the right size and getting proper support.

I don't want to press her too much as it's obviously awkward at the moment. What should I do? Ideally she needs to go to somewhere like Bravissimo and get some well fitting bras, I've been there before myself and know they're sensitive. But should I bring it up with her? Or do they eventually outgrow the awkward stage?

Find the self measuring guide online. In the meantime, the small bras live at the bottom of your laundry pile.

Does she have friends she could go bra shopping with instead of you? It will probably make it fun and less embarrassing.

Can you ask her to measure using this guide? You can then order some online for her to try at home.

Is she sporty? Is the issue that the larger bras are ugly. I was "32E" (actually probably more like 28G) at her age (well before Bravissimo!) and my stepmother took me on a trip to John Lewis on Oxford Street as a special treat (also did Selfridges) to get measured. Helped that she was a large cup/small back so we had that in common.

Guessing she might also think a smaller bra makes things look smaller - how do her shirts fit - any flexibility on cut there?

Make sure she has good sports options - sports bra will make things so much more comfortable. I eventually learned to layer sports bra and crop top for support - modern ones my be better.

The main thing she needs to learn is what a properly fitted bra looks and feels like - then she can decide for herself long term (says she trying to decide between 32K and 32JJ for another nursing bra!)

She's not sporty but a dancer and spends a lot of time with other girls who are skinny and quite flat chested. I think that's why she feels self conscious. Although at school her size doesn't stand out at all among her friends from what I've seen, some are much bigger.

She can't wear a bra under her leotard, some of them have a bra shelf but it doesn't give much support.

I'm pretty sure she won't entertain the idea of going bra shopping with friends. Even normal clothes shopping she likes me to come with her.

Point her towards the bra calculator and give her a tape measure so she can then measure herself in private.
Explain that a bra really shouldn't be worn for more than a year as it wears out and also point out that she will need sizing checked while she is growing, much like she might need her shoe size checked or her eyes tested.

Perhaps she would be happier to order online if she's shy?

Thanks, I'll try the bra calculator. So she should measure bra-less?

Just wondering why she can't wear a bra under her leotard?

Because she tends to wear very strappy or low backed leotards. Unless I can find for her those bras with clear straps....?

You can get leotard bras too OP - I have a couple. They tend to have a clear strap across the back then the arm straps curve under your armpit, rather than coming down your shoulder blades, so they're hidden.

I did a lot of ballet as a child/teen and was fairly busty form the age of 15. There was no way I could dance braless (or wearing a strapless bra) so I just ended up wearing badly fitting bras with tiny straps .

I think a better solution would be to find something well fitting with the smallest straps possible and then buy her a new leotard with slightly wider straps, something like www.discountdance.com/dancewear/style_ME509.html?pid=22512&Shop=Style&SID=745436855?

If she gets to a point that she needs major support, a sports bra like Freya underwired has more of a bra shape to it IYKWIM rather than being a cropped top style.

Bratek leotards are very good as is a www.bravissimo.com/products/lingerie/sensational-sets/juna-bra/ivory/cl43iv/?criteria=juna Juna bra by Cleo (according for my DD)

Just had a similar issue with DD

Thread here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/2462396-Bra-help-for-DD?

Online was the way to go for us. I've just returned 7x John Lewis and Figleaves bras that didn't quite fit, and ordered 2 more of the John Lewis ones that did. Used the 'proper' measuring guide, so she was a 28D.

I found Figleaves a really good website for her, as she could see that, far from being 'enormous' as she thought she was, she was actually one of the very smallest sizes they sold.

There was also a really good link from that thread to a website that simply has photos of people wearing the right size bras, showing that those who wear what traditionally might have been 'large' cup sizes are actually still small, especially for very small back sizes.

Thank you, this is all really helpful.

From an emotional point of view.....how do you suggest I deal with dd who will say, sulkily, 'I'll wear what I've got'? gallicgirl you make some very good suggestions, I will try that....although I suspect dd will just shrug and walk off.

Interesting. Although DD now has 1 well-fitting bra, she has been wearing her old ones to school still.

My plan was, once the new ones arrive, that the old ones would simply spend rather a long time to get through the laundry process. I know she won't acknowledge or ask about them, but will, I strongly hope, simply wear the new ones.

Could you very gradually 'weed out' the bras she has, smallest first?

Would bribery work. Once she's used to a comfortable well fitting bra she's unlikely to want to go back - so long as it is comfortable.

I was very self conscious - had stretch marks on my boobs! - but it was worth it.

I was going to suggest simply removing the too-small bras!

I'm afraid I have no experience of dealing with sulky teenagers. My full-of-character-4 year old provides different challenges.

How is she generally about her appearance and clothes? Does she hate clothes anyway and just throws on any old thing that's comfortable?

I can sympathise... I had exactly the same thing with my 15 year old DD, she is very conscious about her body and would never let me see her in her underwear let alone naked! When I realised she was in bras way too small for her I suggested a fitting at M&S. The answer was a resounding NO! We went to M&S and I picked some out I thought would be the right size... I talked to her about the importance of wearing the right size etc and she relaxed a bit and let me check the bra ... I gently suggested about asking the (very nice approachable) lady at the desk to check.... I was very shocked that she agreed... I think once she realised the fitting lady was nice and you don't have to be naked, she relaxed about the whole thing.... luckily for me although the lady couldn't do a proper fitting (because I hadn't booked) she was able to do a quick check..... My advice, book a fitting and take her along - maybe leave out that you have booked a fitting ;-). If she refuses you've not lost anything.

Very good idea to remove the too-small bras. I had thought that might be a bit controlling!

gallic - she takes pride in her appearance, likes doing her hair, nails etc.

I think if I can persuade her to measure herself, online may be the way to go. Can she start wearing underwired bras by now?

Yes, it's fine to wear underwired bras (as long as the bra fits properly and isn't sitting on breast tissue).

Don't bother with a M&S fitting though as it'll be wrong because they use the old fashioned +4/5" method.

My dd was similar to yours, OP, but was willing to try the bra guru measuring herself at home. We then had the right size to try and went and tried a few on. She can't believe how much more comfortable she is now, but there's no way in a million years she'd have let a strange woman in a shop measure her.

Update - I have printed out the measuring guide and given it to dd along with a tape measure. I have given her till Thursday either to provide me with her size or ask me for help in measuring. I'm going to be quite firm about it.

Hope she does it.
Clothes look so much better with a well fitting bra and it will make her figure look better.