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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Feel so sad that kids can be this mean :(

21 replies

CambridgeBlue · 13/09/2015 15:55

DD (13) has just been dumped by her first proper boyfriend. They started seeing each other at the start of the holidays and spent loads of time together over the summer, mainly in a big group of local kids, all pretty innocent. I met him a few times and he seemed nice but not nice enough apparently to do the decent thing when he decided he was no longer interested - instead he got together with a load of their mates and got a couple of them to phone her and tell her she was dumped and to deal with it.

She's OK but I feel so hurt on her behalf that he (and their other friends tbh) could treat her like this - I know 13 year old boys are pretty immature but I would be mortified if DD was ever that unkind to someone. It's probably for the best as they are pretty young but that's not the point :(

OP posts:
lanbro · 13/09/2015 15:58

When I was that age everyone sent their friends to tell bf/gf they were 'packed', although I agree it's mean it's just immaturity and not intentionally nasty

Mrsjayy · 13/09/2015 16:02

Thats how most kids are dumped usually it is just immature and mean 1 of my dd was told by her ex s new girlfriend

Original poster
CambridgeBlue · 13/09/2015 16:14

I think that's why I feel sad, it was pretty much the same when I was that age but I'd naively hoped kids were a bit nicer now .

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 13/09/2015 16:21

You would think eh i remembered i was outraged dd didnt seem that arsed about it.

Original poster
CambridgeBlue · 13/09/2015 16:39

I'm glad DD isn't either, I thought she'd be gutted but she just says the way he did it made her realise he's not worth bothering about - you go girl!

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 13/09/2015 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 13/09/2015 16:52

Dd is still friends with her first boyfriend 11 years later he has his own boyfriend now Grin

IHaveBrilloHair · 13/09/2015 16:55

Dd has just been dumped too, he told her she was jealous and possessive, this may well be true but she is heartbroken.
It's tough to see them hurt but they are teens and will all probably act horribly at times.

IHaveBrilloHair · 13/09/2015 17:04

I got this for dd to cheer her up.

Feel so sad that kids can be this mean :(
Feel so sad that kids can be this mean :(
Original poster
CambridgeBlue · 13/09/2015 17:14

Oh bless all of them, being dumped is crap especially when it's done so callously :( Boys can be horrible little gits but DH assures me girls can be just as mean based on his past experiences and I expect he's right.

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 13/09/2015 21:46

Teen DD dumped a lad this summer by text. She tried not to.
She's been caught up in her friend's love lives quite a bit, getting your friends to dump isn't so uncommon.
I kind of thing... maybe it encourages them not to take the relationship too seriously.

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2015 22:26

My ds has been dumped by two long term male friends this summer - because they now have girlfriends and they are more important than he is. He is so sad. Sad

Original poster
CambridgeBlue · 13/09/2015 22:29

Oh that's miserable, boy/girl friends come and go but they always need their mates. It's not only unkind, it's stupid as well.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/09/2015 22:34

It's all shit, isn't it? If only they could learn from our experience.....

Bunbaker · 14/09/2015 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 14/09/2015 08:32

I have mixed feelings on this.

DD has always been highly inclusive. Throughout secondary she was friends with quite a few girls who were socially anxious/a bit different.

When she left her school in the summer, to attend a different sixth form, one wrote her a lovely letter acknowledging how kind DD had been, hoping they would stay in touch.

TBH DD hasn't stayed in touch. She's thrown herself into her new life and the small amount of time she has to keep up with old friendships, has been spent with a few who are easier to incorporate into her new schedule. I feel awful for that girl, who I know is now probably freindless Sad. But on the other hand I can see it from DD's point of view.

BoboChic · 14/09/2015 10:28

Welcome to the world of men being complete crap at ending relationships :(

SoupDragon · 14/09/2015 10:39

Welcome to the world of men being complete crap at ending relationships sad

Yeah, because females never behave like idiots do they...

pickledsiblings · 14/09/2015 13:49

My DD had her first boyfriend at the same age, again, totally innocent (they didn't even kiss or hold hands Hmm) and it was ended by him in a non- mean way.

However, and I do think this is important, DD made it very clear when she agreed to go out with him how she would like it to be ended i.e. that whomever decided that they wanted 'out' should do the decent thing and tell the other, giving a brief explanation. His explanation was that DD didn't seem interested enough in him, she wasn't (I think she just liked the idea of having a boyfriend Smile).

Still, it was a nice gentle introduction for her into a world, which you are right OP, can involve meanness. But I do think there are things that we as parents can do to help our DC along - I'm pleased that DD took my advice to talk about this sort of stuff upfront.

SecretSquirrels · 14/09/2015 13:52

Welcome to the world of men being complete crap at ending relationships
This is the sort of scary generalisation that tarnishes young men.

Of course, I forgot to mention that to 15 year old DS who was dumped by text on Christmas Eve by the girlfriend who had been sweetness and light at our house the night before.

The same boy who six months earlier had spent weeks working out the kindest way to end it with his girlfriend of two years. He obviously did a good job of it because they managed that rare transition from Boy/Girl friend to best friends. Still best friends now five years later and both in other relationships.

pilates · 17/09/2015 15:04

My DS was dumped by his girlfriend the second day of our family holiday and then two days later she announced her new boyfriend on Instagram Angry.

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