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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Leaving teenager for the weekend?

20 replies

Number42 · 20/07/2015 16:29

dd(15), oldest, is starting to resist going away for the weekend with the rest of us.
a) What age do people think it is OK to leave a teenager for the weekend. 16? Never (ha ha)?
and b) any clever tricks to stop them taking the opportunity to throw a party? Send a friend round at 10.30pm to check? Secret webcam in the living room?

(The issue with dd is that she wouldn't want to just disobey us and blatantly throw a massive party; she'd tell herself that "Obviously I won't disobey them but getting 10 friends to come round isn't a party" and then those 10 would bring another 10 and away we'd go....)

OP posts:

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/07/2015 16:36

I recently left my almost 14yr old overnight, but in very specific circumstances.
I was an hour away max, my closest friend was 5mins away if needed and was available, my house is opposite the police station who would have to be blind not to notice a party, I called frequently and made it clear that if the phone wasn't immediately answered my friend would come down.
I offered to come home at any time if she was upset, it was also June so not dark for very long in Scotland.
She was fine and cleaned and tidied my room before I got back on the Sunday

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/07/2015 16:39

We are just about to leave our 17 year old and 15 year old for the first time, for one night. I wouldn't have left either alone at 15.

catzpyjamas · 20/07/2015 16:45

We left DSS just before he turned 20. Our house became party central 30 minutes after we left. Police were out, neighbours were upset, house was a mess and family members had to go round and throw complete strangers (not even DSS knew some of them) out of my home. He is no longer left home alone.
At 15, I actually think he would have been more sensible

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/07/2015 16:45

I left my twins alone for the first time at 15 and it was fine - but they are not that into facebook. IF they had been I would have thought twice.

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/07/2015 16:49

My biggest weapon/preventative is the police station, I don't think dd would dare plan something and I don't think others would be stupid enough to turn up, but if it happened the police are right there, ditto any emergency situation.

GallopingFoxley · 20/07/2015 17:13

I'd consider it now as my DD is about to turn 17 in a months time. Not at 15

GallopingFoxley · 20/07/2015 17:14

I'm shocked at lacing a 13 year old overnight no matter how you dress it up

GallopingFoxley · 20/07/2015 17:15

*leaving

BeautifulBatman · 20/07/2015 17:17

I had a weekend job at 14 so was left then. But we did live very rurally so having lots of unwanted guests wasn't really a worry. It also was not my style.

ShuShuFontana · 20/07/2015 17:22

I happily leave my 17 year old, now, but he is ds2
...fill the fridge with pizzas, chicken kormas, pies!
DD has a weekend job so she is home, and early starts for sat/sun. Plus ds1 is 30 mins away, neighbours are good, but we do live out the back of beyond so no way of the house becoming party central, plus there are two burly GSDs to supervise.

Left DS1 home alone when he was 17 I think, we had the two younger ones with us, he had a chum over and they were fine.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 20/07/2015 19:01

I was a very resourceful child and was home alone often from aged 12 during in the school holiday days... left to cook/wash/clean. But I still wasn't left in the house alone overnight until 17.

Depends on the child though. That said, I was never going to throw a party and FB didn't exist. I could have reasonably been left alone a lot earlier. I had all the skills... my mother just didn't trust me.

bopoityboo3 · 20/07/2015 19:08

I was 15 when my folks left me. I had a couple of nights by myself then my elder DB was home for the rest of the time (he was 18). We didn't do the throwing a party thing, far to much hassle, we just went to ones at other peoples houses instead

Misslgl88 · 20/07/2015 20:14

I declined a holiday with my parents at 17, I had to stay with my grandparents in the next village which I was fine with as I didn't like being left in that house alone (big old house by itself) too many scary films!

ChillySundays · 20/07/2015 22:23

Left DD at 16. Very trustworthy but still let the neighbours know to call the police if there even a whiff of loud music and let her know it would be last time she was left.

Have a younger DC who was left with DD once daughter was 18 and he was 15. Same warnings given.

JustDanceAddict · 21/07/2015 09:43

16 I think, but depends on the child as well. The party thing wouldn't worry me, would be more the safety aspect, her being comfortable at being left, etc.

starfish4 · 21/07/2015 10:15

I don't think we'll be leaving DD until she is 16, and only if we feel we can trust her. My parents left me for the first time at 17 for a whole week. My parents obviously felt they could trust me, I think I had about four friends back one night and we sat on the settee and scoffed a couple of cakes each!

Claybury · 21/07/2015 11:15

I don't really think it's an age thing. Some 15 year olds would be fine, some 19 year olds not fine ! Only you can know your DC and what they might do.
I would love to leave mine, they are 16 and 17, but can't, for any number of reasons. It's v annoying as they don't want to go away with us but can't be left.

Spidermama · 23/07/2015 17:33

I would absolutely never let my teenagers stay in my home alone and I speak from bitter experience. She would almost certainly have a party.
My teenage dd and ds have now had two unauthorised parties and they were massive, messy and really full on.

Even if she is well behaved enough to try to resist a party, her friends will force the issue as soon as they know she's home alone.

mrsdavidbowie · 23/07/2015 17:35

I left mine for Four days at 16.
No problem.

BackforGood · 23/07/2015 17:43

It's a personality thing, not age.

I would never have left ds before he was 18, but quite happily left dd1 just after her 16th birthday.
You also factor in how far away you are, what local support they have, what your neighbours are like, if they are happy with their own company, if they can cook, if they actually need to be anywhere important, and so forth.

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