slapped my 14 year old boy,feel so ashamed.

[conway]

Lost it with my 14 year old as had a battle as usual with mealtimes. It is always the same battle as he bully's his younger brother(9) especially at meal times normally about the younger brothers table manners or the mess he makes. He hit him ( which again often happens) and I slapped my teen. I feels so bad and am such a bad mother!
Had a particular bad day ,I am a lone parent trying to do it all and feel his behaviour is all because of the divorce. Feels so guilty.

Any tips to help particularly with meal times.

Hi,

I think first things first and you apologise to your son for slapping him and explain that what you did was wrong, just like him hitting his brother. How do you expect to be able to tell him off for doing it, when you have done it to him. How does this look to your younger son as well.

Sorry that's the harsh bit over, but needed to be said.

I don't know how single parents do it, hands up to you as I struggle as it is with a partner! You are doing an amazing job holding it altogether and obviously you will come up against tough times.

There are a few things you can do to tackle the meal time situation:

1. Set table rules and if either of them disobeys, they get punished ie removing phone, games console etc for the evening.

2. Are they bored at the dining table and that's why they play up. What about introducing a card game to play whilst eating or dominos etc (keep their minds active) or have the TV on.. Not ideal but maybe a distraction.

3. as a last resort - I know it's tradition and nice to all sit around the table, but if you're desperate could one sit in the front room and the other in the kitchen and they alternate on different evenings.

Don't be too hard on yourself and you know you have done wrong.. Just don't ever repeat it.

Don't feel bad, I often feel like slapping mine, it's frustration.
Good suggestions above.

Thanks for your advice,
I am going to eat in the kitchen tonight and they can eat in the garden so I won't be able to hear their fighting!

Really don't be so hard on yourself. We would all need to be Mother Teresa not to have our breaking points. Constant bickering really gets under your skin and builds up and up, then snap!!! Say sorry you shouldn't have done it try and explain why but I doubt he will get it really but have a go and start eating in your bedroom like I do (joking, honestly)!

Just wondered how things went and that you are ok

A bit of very practical advice - rearrange the sitting arrangements at the dinner table so they aren't sitting opposite each other. Table manners are much less noticable when the person isn't directly in front of you. Maybe sit yourself opposite DS2 so that you notice if necessary. A bit of informal eating in the garden (all 3 of you!), even in front of the TV might defuse the tension a bit too.

I'm not sure removing yourself from their fighting is the best long term option - can you separate the two of them a bit more? Or convince DS1 that you're on top of DS2's table manners and he does not need to get involved?

You do have my sympathies - it's hard as a lone parent with two kids, and can be quite upsetting if they appear to hate each other. Mine went through a phase like that but thankfully get on much better now. Having more time apart or with other people around definitely helps. And letting DS1 see that DS2 has friends and is liked by other people may help too.

I've felt like slapping my 13 year old DS almost daily for a couple of years. Rude, selfish, aggressive, generally not nice. My hand itches so often. Please don't feel bad about it: have the "I shouldn't have slapped you, sorry" discussion but then explain he pushed you to breaking point. They need to know. I told mine I couldn't wait to get away from him, for ,,4 days on school trip, last week. Again, he needed to know how be makes me feel.