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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can a 16 yeR old be made I come home

23 replies

Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 16:50

Well I'm 16 and was wondering if I leave to stay at my boyfriends can my parents/police make me come home? I've been with him 2 years and he's 18 and my parents won't let me stay at his house but I argue with them all the time and need a break but they don't seem to understand this

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 16:53

What are you arguing about?

To answer your question - yes, the police could visit - do you really want to create more conflict with your parents - it's not going to make the arguments less is it Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 16:53

And does your boyfriend live on his own or will you have to be invited to stay by the people he lives with?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 16:54

He lives with his mum and brother but his mums staying at her boyfriends at the moment but she has no problem with me staying

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 16:57

It will still increase conflict with your parents which you don't want right?

How about you work on your relationship with them, try and figure it out together why you're not getting along instead of making it worse by raising the ante so they call the police?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 16:57

I try though but my mum isn't easy to speak to if her try and speak she won't listen and my dads always at word so I can't speak to him about it

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 16:58

If you need a break what about sleepovers with girlfriends? What sport/activities/school trips have you got coming up that will give you a break?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 16:59

None of my friends live nearby enough to go and see , he lives right across the road and none I've just been away for 3 days on a school trip

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 16:59

So you're not arguing if he's at work and your mum doesn't listen?Confused

Is the only thing you're 'arguing' about is staying over at boyfriends? Which they've said no too?

Or are you arguing about something else?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 17:02

No, she argues with me constantly, she picks fights over the smallest thing and takes her frustration out on me. My gran has dementia and my mum looks after her as well as me and my brother and she gets rather worked up and seems to take it out on me not anyone else

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:05

That's really sad, sorry to hear that and about your Gran. It sounds very difficult for both you and her.

I'm sure you don't want to make it worse by going to your boyfriends if you think she will call the police - it just adds stress to you and stress to your mum who's already caring for her mum.

It takes two people to fight so what happens when you don't say anything? Or you go to your room? Or you offer to help?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 17:08

If I ignore she just shouts more, she tells me to leave/move out , that im. Selfish cow etc but once she's calmed down she apologises but I'm just fed up with it

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:09

That sounds really stressful. I'm not surprised you want to take her up on her offer of moving over your boyfriends if she tells you to get out.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:11

Are you saying she tries to start arguments with you? Even if you're revising/working/watching TV? (GCSEs this year for you?)

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 17:13

Yea he, over the smallest things. The other day I asked her what was wrong and she went I have you for a daughter and I said it was your choice to have me and she told me to move out then . And yeah I spend 99% of my time in my room, also to top it all off today builders left halfway through doing my room so I know how half a wall and I don't fancy sleeping there till monday when they are back. And I'm doing Scottish highers this year

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:15

Half a wall? Can you put a curtain up for privacy?

So you spend 99% of your time in your room - you are allowed over your boyfriends? Allowed to date with a curfew?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 17:16

Yeah but it's not ideal and yes, she'll let me out till 10 on school nights and 11 at weekends and knows there's no adult there, but for some reason won't let me stay even then we'll just be sleeping

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:17

If she actually wants you to move out (and I think it's very hurtful for you that you're being given that message constantly) perhaps you could talk to someone at your school? School clunsellor if there is one? Head of year?

If you think she's serious about wanting you to move out then you could investigate foster care - but that's a total last resort honestly. You need to tell your dad that she's always saying this to you.

ThatBloodyWoman · 27/03/2015 17:18

It sounds like a really hard time that you're all having.
Could there be compromise? Is it a problem for your parents if you spend a large proportion of time with him,but come home at night,and perhaps at mealtimes,or something,to touch base,and communicate?

Original poster
Chaz1998 · 27/03/2015 17:20

I don't get along with the counseler at my school :/ I just want to get away for a few days so it's less stressful, i mean my boyfriend has to go to work at 8 so it's not like we'll be up all night he'll need to sleep

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:20

I do understand why she's saying no to you living there (nothing to do with sex obviously but to do with you moving in there - not really appropriate at this age)

But that's quite separate from the way your being treated by her and the fact you think she actually wants you to move out (or at least she does when she says it)

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:22

If you're allowed over there this evening and all day til 10/11 at night then there shouldn't be much time for arguing as when you come home it's sleep time Grin

Are you saying you're only occasionally allowed over there?

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2015 17:23

If he goes to work tomorrow morning at 8am does that mean you want to stay there when he's not there?

confusedaboutparenting · 28/03/2015 19:41

simple answer to the long and short of it, they can call the police but they wont have anything to do with it, you are 16 and are old enough to move out as long as you are not classes as vulnerable, the choice is yours

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