WHAT DO YOU DO LET TEENAGERS DO?

[filingcabinet]

Just wondering what is reasonable with almost 15year olds. Ours has a very active social life and many of the parties have alcohol supplied by the parents or taken there by kids. Our view is that he can go to parties providing that we ring and check that there will be parent supervision. Is this too heavy handed?

shall watch this thread with interest as mine is 14 and hasn't hit this stage yet.

Nothing: according to DD anyway.

dd will be 15 next month.

I wouldn't allow her round anyone's house for any length of time without an adult being present at this age. Definitely wouldn't allow her to a party where I knew alcohol was being consumed.

Maybe if they were almost 17 but not at 15. No way.

If dd goes to a sleppover, I always ring the parent(s) and check they will be there and they are happy with it and they aren't going out anywhere i wasn't happy with.

It's not being heavy handed - it's taking care and responsibility for your kids.

My two dds' first experience of alcohol was at a party (parents present but upstairs), when they were 15 yrs old, and we'd been asked by the parents if it was OK for them to have alcohol.

In the ideal world, I'd have said "no way" because they're going to be my babies for life. However, in the real world, it would have happened sooner rather than later anyway, and at least there was sensible adult supervision (of a sort).

If you say "no" to everything, I think it will backfire and they'll end up doing stuff secretly anyway.

I have been a bit shocked by other parents attitudes. Some have been supplying alcohol at parties since the kids were 14. A "responsible" adult is a fairly loose term. It's hard to take a responsible line when other parents want to show their kids how cool they are and provide alcohol etc.

IME..i was a teenager 7 years ago.. better for your teenager to be having alcohol when and where you know about it that sneaking about behind your back.

Teenagers should learn they can't have it all whenever they want it.

I'm not old fashioned in any sense. I let my 14, 12 and 10 yo's have alcohol with meals occasionally and dd will have alcopop type drinks when we have bring your own food/booze type parties.

I dont disagree with having it where you can control it - our view is that if they are having it (but I would prefer that parents don't offer MY kids something without consulting first) then an adult is around to manage the consequences.

2nd question - how would you feel if your almost 15 year old had friends who had tried coke and dope?

I think that you will find that if you ask any 15 year old if they knew if their friends had tried any illegal substances, they would probably all say "yes".

Mine would come home from school and tell me all sorts of tales of woe about other youngsters in their class/year.

no alchohol at 15 - but taken to parties and brought home in car - no sleep overs - what am i stupid????!!

at 16 i have bought my son alchohol took him to party, picked him up from party - his money BTW that hes worked for.

has he come home crunk - yes. was he so shitfaced he couldnt stand - no.

i knew exactly how much he has, where he was, who he was with and i picked him up.

if they want to get pissed they will just buy 4 cans of tenants extra and go to the park after school.

so i feel for my child at 16 i was doing the most responsible thing by being in full control of the situation and not letting out great relationship deteriorate over something which teenagers do anyway.

not all children are mature enough may i add. i certainly wouldnt let my girl do this - becuae shes a girl - sexist schmexist - i dont care
i wouldnt let my youngest son do this becuase althuogh 13 in his head he is only 6 so by the time he is 16 he may actually be 10 in his head.

its like not wanting them to have sex

doesnt mean they arn't going to
just cos you dont want something to happen doesnt mean its not going to. and managing your relationship with your teenager and keeping open as far as poss lines of communication with discipline is important.

Would not be allowed to parties where there is alcohol at 15.My children have been allowed tastes of wine at home. I allowed my daughters to go after school to thier friends homes even if there were not any adults present but this was only for a couple of hours at the most and it was at homes of people I knew. I don't even let my 16 year old go to parties where there is no adult supervision.

Ds (Yr. 10) went to a friends party recently. There were around 70 of them, bouncers on the door etc. Lots of people were smoking, and some had taken alcohol, which they were drinking outside. He stank of booze when I picked him up, and said that he'd had a few gulps of beer.

I asked if he'd tried a cigarette, and he told me 'no way'. I said that if he did at some point I wouldn't be surprised, but that it's a habit I wouldn't want him to get into. At the moment he's more 'anti' than me .

The drink and cigarettes were not such a big deal for him, although clearly other kids felt that it was a great opportunity to indulge - many because they aren't allowed to drink at home.

However - for either of my kids parties - there is no way I would allow alcohol, because although I can take the decision that the occasional small drink is fine for mine, I can't take that decision for other parents.

Depends on the kid and their maturity. At 15 DD was always trying to push the boundaries with nightclubs, drink, parties, cigarettes etc. DS is now 15 and is not the remotest bit interested in any of it. Happy to watch telly with his mum and eat Ben and Jerry Ice cream.