my 15 year old ds is driving me crackers

[blackheartsgirl]

I have really been through the mill with Ds over the years. From violence, aggression, truanting, smoking, underage sex and then being diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger syndrome in 2006 and 2013 it really has been a rollercoaster

Things have mostly settled down apart from a nasty incident at Christmas. He's picked up at school and has calmed down a lot.

This is a minor thing but he's so ditzy or don't care about his homework and his school equipment. At the start of the year I bought his pens pencils maths stuff, notebooks and brandnew pencil case of his choice. He doesn't use any of it. The pencil case is always discarded year after year and I find it hidden under the bed this time. I asked him where his pencils pens are and I get a shrug and I just put them in my bag I've lost everything else. His also says he doesn't know why he won't use his pencil case. His teachers have asked me why haven't I provided him with basic equipment which infuriates me because its not bloody me. Not the teachers faults though, it must drive them nuts too.

He deliberately snaps rulers and maths equipment because he can as its plastic.

He is doing well in his subjects now but he could do better with the equipment. I've tried sanctions and rewards and I'm just met with a shrug and blank stare.

His room is awful. He refuses to use his chest of drawers. He empties them out and places all his clothes on the floor. There is plates and cups and wrappers everywhere. He sleeps with dirty socks under his pillow because he wants to flatten them like bacon! Don't ask.

I am at my wits end with him, is this typical or should I worry

anyone?

I'm afraid I don't have much advice to offer blackhearts. #feelinginadequate

As a mum of two slightly older teens I'd say to ignore the mess as much as you can. I've never heard of anyone deliberately flattening their dirty socks like bacon before but my DS is also incredibly careless - he grabs worksheets and jotters and deliberately crumples them into his school bag. What a state it is! All his teachers complain that he isn't always 'engaged' in class and is disorganised. I think he snaps pencils. He also has a thing about drying his hands when he's in the kitchen on only bone-dry tea towels. Apparently, if it's hanging off the cooker handle it's 'damp' and this is why he opens the drawer and grabs two or three tea towels which he then leaves in a messy pile on the worktop. Before you know it the kitchen has half a dozen damp tea-towels scattered round it! I do find it very irritating but I don't mention it. Pick your battles and all that. He's easy on the whole (so far) apart from not trying very hard at school and the atmosphere in the house is usually reasonably pleasant so I'll put up with the tea towels and the mess.

My guess is that your DS' (and my DS) extreme messiness is partly a form of rebellion and partly a genuine inability to organise himself better. I worry about my DS and his ability to look after himself when he leaves home (2+ years away still).

However, it's so often the case that teenagers will only begin to quit their annoying habits when they see the light for themselves and realise their life is easier when they're more organised.

My DS is good at one thing - he now hangs his towels on his radiator and usually puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. No sanctions or rewards were offered but I don't wash clothes not in the laundry basket and have managed to not get annoyed if he asks where something is. I just say in a pleasant voice that it'll be where he left it.

The extreme messiness/carelessness does seem to be common with ASD people (my DS has a diagnosis of ASD too).

It must be very difficult coping with a teen who also has ADHD. Perhaps the special needs forum would be more helpful for you.

thanks chocoluvva.

I may repost this in special needs instead I think.

sigh, just had another frustrating morning with him. He told me that parents evening is on wed but he forgot to give me the note, he knew 2 weeks ago and hasn't bothered to make any appointments. arghhh

Ohh. That's the sort of thing my DS does too.... It makes life so much more difficult.... My DS used to make appointments with only the teachers he liked. Never with English and Maths.

He won't be the only one at his school. Ring and ask for appointments yourself perhaps?

Hope you get some concrete advice on SN.