Teenage Son Dumped for Another Boy

[HoneyBeeMum1]

My son has been seeing a girl for the last month. Although they have only recently met, they seemed keen on each other, meeting almost daily and constantly texting messages to each other. His girlfriend seemed very keen and initiated most of their meetings.

In the last few days she has started mentioning a.boy she had been keen on before she met my son, but assured him that she was no longer interested. This evening out of the blue she has sent him a text message telling him that she will be spending New Year's Eve with this other boy.

My son is completely crushed. Although he is trying not to show it, he is terribly upset and desperately trying not to cry in front of the family.

Continued from above. If anyone can offer advice on how I can help and support him I would be grateful. I know almost every teenager will suffers similarly, but this was his first girlfriend and he has Asperger's Syndrome to make things more difficult.

Erm, without meaning to be too harsh: tell him to get over it. Teenage love is very dramatic, painful and a source of many an angst-ridden song being written but he will pretty quickly forget this. It's hardly a terrible betrayal, be his lovely mum, except him to mope about and then give him some tough love about getting back on the horse. Or whatever that saying is.

Bless him. That's horrible! I hope he doesn't think it's any kind of reflection on him? How old is he? Poor love. It must be awful seeing him go through it, although I suppose hurts and disappointments are inevitable

What a terrible x post - just seen your second one about aspergers, my post may be a little brutal considering that extra info!

Sadly the fact he has aspergers may make it harder but you really do need to try to downplay it. This will not be the last time she needs to be able to cope. Tough love I'm afraid

Bloody hell. He not she. Damn autocorrect!

Xposted.
Reassure him that it's no reflection upon him and that someone so mean (nye ffs!), is not someone worthy of him. That there are loads of people out there who'll value him as he should be valued and that next time, tempting as it is to become intensely involved, holding a little back until you know someone better, can be a safer approach. I really hope he feels better soon! Can he make alternative arrangements with some trustworthy and fun friends, to help take his mind off of it?

Oh god I remember my first heart break - also unceremoniously dumped for someone else. He's definitely dumped is he? I don't know anything about aspergers though so these ideas may not be helpful

• he can allocate a set time if day to feel sad about it- then must get in with something else
• He could Make a list of reasons she was not a good girlfriend - 1) texting a change of new years eve plans the day before is rude
• he could make a list of things he's going to do in 2015 for him
• Spend lots of time his other friends, stay busy with sport and hobbies
• crying is ok if he needs to

Can she be avoided? It's easier uf they don't have to see each other

Oh poor him! I would try and make this NYE extra special for him so he doesn't have time to mope or feel like he is "missing out" IYKWIM. It must be so hard for you as his mother too. Hope this is forgotten soon!

I feel your pain. I think the parents who are breezy about it either don't have teenagers who have been unceremoniously dumped or it is too long ago to matter.

DD was dumped by her first boyfriend just before Christmas, and he was going to spend NYE with us. Unfortunately he has been an utter dick towards DD and sent some really nasty and abusive FB messages to her which has made things worse.

ManAlive's and Freedom's suggestions are good ones. Keep him busy if you can. I hope he manages to get his self esteem back soon.

QueenBean God that's a bit harsh, even without aspergers.

HoneyBeeMum1
Most of us with teenagers have this at some point. It's very hard when they are heartbroken. You can't hug it better any more. Let him talk about it if he will. Don't say anything bad about the girl and lots of TLC.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Most of what has been said reinforces what I have said to him. I have shown him this thread and he finds the comments useful. Two of his close friends are slightly ahead of him in the dating game and both have suffered disappointment, so they have been able to help him as well. Makes me glad I am not seventeen anymore...