Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 15 and sleepover - IANBU am I?

17 replies

KikitheKitKat · 26/12/2014 13:16

D's 15 wants sleepover with 15 yo female friend (who I have not met) in same room. I say no, separate rooms "we trust you but it would not be right and the girl's parents would probably not like it". He says IABU and that I don't trust him. WWYD?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 26/12/2014 13:23

I didn't let my almost 15 year old DS do this recently. I figured that even if they weren't doing anything, and had no intention of doing anything, it was still better not to give them the temptation to do anything!

I also thought about the potential faces of the girls parents next day when I explained that they had both slept overnight in DSes bedroom. Hmm.

spinduchess · 26/12/2014 13:27

Are they platonic friends, or is there romantic involvement/potential for flirting?

WiggleGinger · 26/12/2014 13:28

Why do they so desperately feel the need to sleep in the same room ??

Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 26/12/2014 13:37

Well I think the girl is one who recently 'asked him out' so potentially a girlfriend. The idea of sharing a room is that they watch dvds until some unholy hour and then fall asleep where they are - typical teenage sleepover. I have no plans to change my decision but just need a bit of reassurance as ds is making me feel like a cow!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 26/12/2014 13:39

Hell no.

Separate rooms. I'm a bit of a strict parent when it comes to things like this and I wouldn't be happy about dc sharing rooms with people until they are 18 and in a stable long term relationship. Just feels weird to me otherwise.

spinduchess · 26/12/2014 13:39

Romantic involvement is a big no! You've made the right decision.

I'd have said yes if they were genuine best friends, been pals since year 1 or whatever but the dating adds a whole new dimension at 15!

Happy36 · 26/12/2014 13:40

Can she stay over in a different room? Or he sleeps on the sofa or with a sibling and she sleeps in his room?

Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 26/12/2014 13:44

That's what I think duchess. I told him I might (just might) have said ok if she were a family friend and both sets of parents were happy, but I don't know her or her parents and they don't know us. I do trust him but I want to protect him.

OP posts:
Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 26/12/2014 13:46

I have said I am fine with her staying over in another room -they could still stay up as late as they like. There is a possibility of another boy coming, in which case I would let the 3 of them share.

OP posts:
DustInTheWind · 26/12/2014 13:53

Yes, there's a big difference between a sleepover with numerous friends of mixed gender sleeping over and one under-age couple.
Try a few of the former first perhaps, and don't feel that you have anything to apologose for.

Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 26/12/2014 14:02

Thank you all. It does feel better knowing most people would do the same but ds has a knack for making me feel like the world's strictest parent - and I am anything but!

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 26/12/2014 14:08

Can they bed down in the living room, where the prospect of the rest of her family tramping in and out will cool any ardour that might arise, and stop any potential for gossip?

DustInTheWind · 26/12/2014 14:08

'When I am a man I will have chocolate biscuits for breakfast and spaghetti bolognaise every night and I will watch TV all day and I will have seventeen cats and a motorbike and I will drink beer'

'Yes dear, when you are a man, you can choose to do whatever you like, but you are 6 and at the moment, I'm in charge'

He's 20 now, and although he occasionally has chocolate biscuits for breakfast and bolognaise a couple of timesa a week, his vision of a hedonistic paradise has changed a little. Grin

Parents are there to help set the boundaries, you can listen and negotiate, but ultimately you decide with their best interests at heart.

Travelledtheworld · 27/12/2014 11:25

God no I would not let TWO boys sleep over in the same room as a 15 YO girl. I know what I would have done at that age......You are setting yourself up for all sorts of problems.

Yes to having them all over but give them a deadline to switch everything off and then send her to sleep in another room. And expect a lot of giggling and tiptoeing around and some horrible grumpy teens the next day.

DieselSpillages · 27/12/2014 13:54

I wouldn't let the two boys sleep in same room as the girl.. Round here the teens would think nothing of a threesome, they seem so sexually liberated nothing is sacred !

I think for the girl to it would take pressure off her to know she has her own room. My teens are older and do sometimes have girlfriends back but I always give the girls the option of their own space.

Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 27/12/2014 15:55

Travelled my DS is very inexperienced and so is his male friend so I think a threesome is unlikely! Point taken though I will offer her a separate room if it goes ahead (probably won't happen anyway since I am being so 'unreasonable'!) Also apparently I should pretend DH and I don't even exist when friends come over and NEVER come in to offer drinks or snacks - it would be way too embarrassing for my 15 Yo to be seen to be living in his PARENTS' house!!

OP posts:
Original poster
KikitheKitKat · 27/12/2014 15:58

And Diesel

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page