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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What does your secondary school aged child do after school? (As in, childcare...)

35 replies

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 12:00

Bit befuddled. ds goes up to secondary in Sept. Childminders and after school clubs don't take children past primary - yet dh and I both work full time with long commutes, so can't get home until 6.30 at the very earliest. Ds's school chucks out at 3.20 - three hours is just too long to leave him.

What do you do with your children past primary? (NB we don't have a spare room for an au pair.)

OP posts:

dietstartsmonday · 10/07/2014 12:15

mine were home alone till half five. well 2 were the third would meet up with friends. they were fine.
I think it depends how sensible he is before I can say it would be fine!

bigTillyMint · 10/07/2014 12:19

Mine came home alone, but I get back by 4 or 4.30, so not for long. A friend's DD teamed up with others and they took turns to go back to each others houses as it was a lot longer before the parents got in - could he do that?

CPtart · 10/07/2014 12:36

I will be in this situation in September. DS will walk home and be on his own for about an hour on one day and up to two hours on another. We have been building up to this in these last few weeks of primary.
He is sensible, we are fairly isolated so it does concern me a little but my mum only lives 10 minutes away in an emergency.
I'm hoping he may get involved in a couple of sports/clubs after school.

TryingToBePractical · 10/07/2014 12:50

I have twins just finishing Y6. We have an after schoool nanny. We plan to keep her on for the first year of senior school. After that, if we think it is needed we have a lovely cleaner who has worked for us for years. A possibility would be to ask her whether she would change hours to come say 3 times a week for a couple of hours between 4.30 (about when they would get home) and 6 or 6.30 for a bit of extra money. DH and I would then both aim to get home by about 4.30 or 5 once each a week unless they have clubs. it is more about someone being in the house with them than actual requirements for childcare. Other option is au pair. Do not really want someone living in, but would manage for a year or so I think.
I reckon from about 14 I would definitiely be comofrtable just leaving them to it. Admittedly that may move forward once they start being more independent. Currently I cannot imagine them home alone for more than an hour ro so (no concerns about them being silly, just more the company thing) but I imagine once they start travelling to school alone and going out more at weekends on thier own I will get used to it and get comfortable sooner than 14

MyballsareSandy · 10/07/2014 12:58

You'll be surprised how much they grow up after about six months at secondary school, the change is amazing.

When my girls started secondary we had grandparents waiting at home for them for about the first 4-6 months as we also get in late from work (6.30ish). But they were more than capable, and happy, to come home to an empty house by about Jan/Feb. They'd make a snack, watch tv, they were fine.

I do wonder if it would be different with just one child though as mine are twins.

Tryingtobepractical - I bet you won't want that arrangement until your twins are 14, neither will they. I couldn't imagine them coming home alone when mine were in year 6, but as I said above they do change dramatically and become very much more independent. Much easier with two as they have each other for company and to travel home with.

Mine are just about to finish year 8 - they are 13.5 and are off school today due to the teacher strike. They've gone to a theme park, miles away, by bus and train with friends. Unthinkable about 18 months ago .

TheFirstOfHerName · 10/07/2014 12:58

I am fortunate enough to finish work at 2, but my friends do a combination of:
Child going straight from school to the local library to do homework.
Child going straight from school to after-school activity.
Child going to a friend's house which is then reciprocated on a day they don't work.

After a while (depending on the child) the problem resolves itself, because they become able to look after themselves for longer periods of time.

ChillySundays · 10/07/2014 13:28

In general I was home at the same time. My DD was sensible so was not worried if I was working late and from Y7 she was home during the holidays (only worked up the road if needed). By the time my DS was in Y7 he had his older sister to come home with. Would have worried if he had been the eldest.
Actually OP going back to my holidays comment what are you going to do then?

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 13:32

interesting replies. bigTilly, I'll ask around, but most of the others we know from primary either have younger siblings so there's a nanny at home, or SAHMS, or parents who work flexibly so can be home a lot earlier. It's an awkward demographic where we live, people who work full-time can afford nannies, or have room for au pairs!

I've found a local youth club that runs three days a week, so that might be useful. Whether I can rely on ds to go there rather than head home and sit on the nexus or X box for three hours I don't know...

No chance of any flexible working, my company is very inflexible (rejected an application by an office worker to start half an hour later, when it was parents who could apply, for instance).

OP posts:

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 13:34

Holidays - I really don't know! This year he's in a holiday scheme, but once he's at secondary... dh and I between us don't have enough holiday to cover the school hols but I hope we can think of something...

OP posts:

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 13:35

(Maybe we'll have to send him to say with my Mum... don't know who would be more teed off, him or her!)

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bigTillyMint · 10/07/2014 13:53

What about getting someone in to do some cleaning/make their tea from when they get in till you get in? Then there is someone there, but not a sitter as such.

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 14:00

Yes, I'm thinking about that. Money's quite tight, but I won't be shelling out for after school club so there will be saving...

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 10/07/2014 14:43

Plus you will get all your cleaning/ironing, etc done

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 14:51

Ye-es, That's if I can get hoader dh to clear some space first!

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 10/07/2014 14:55

Ahhh, yes!

LegsForever · 10/07/2014 14:59

A lot of kids at my DS's school stay late at school in the library and are picked up by parents after work. The school is open till about 6:30 as far as I know.

pollycazalet · 10/07/2014 15:02

When we were in a similar situation (not every night but some nights DS would have been alone for an hour and a half) we looked at

sixth former coming in for a couple of hours
Getting DS to commit to at least a couple of after school clubs at the school two nights a week
Reciprocal arrangement with a friend to have each others' kids

None were needed in practice - I phased in him being alone more at the end of year 6 and he was adamant he wanted to come home and be on his own. He's now getting to the end of year 9 and all has been fine. Agree with whoever said they grown up a lot in this period and also secondary is hard work! They usually have more of a journey than to primary, it's bigger - particularly in year 7 they do need time to decompress and veg out. Put parental timer on the x box if you think he can't self regulate.

I would put in place an emergency contact though - someone close by who can have spare keys in case he forgets his and someone who is at home who in a dire emergency can help out. DS was once injured after school (not at home) and was taken to A and E and it was great to have a friend on hand whilst I rushed back.

overmydeadbody · 10/07/2014 15:06

A couple of after school sports clubs and the rest of the time DS either comes home, spends time with friends at the skate park or at their houses, or goes to the library or wonders round own.

By secondary they are old enough to look after themselves. It will be fine!

purpleroses · 10/07/2014 15:08

Mine's been home alone for that length of time on some days of the week - though I do finish earlier on other days.

I find giving him a call on my way home from work is a good way to check he's OK and keep in contact.

Some childminders do take past 11 though, so worth asking around maybe. Or see if he has a friend who's parent would be up for having him maybe a couple of days a week.

pollycazalet · 10/07/2014 15:11

He will be mortified having a childminder in year 7. Much better to get a willing teen if he really needs to be looked after.

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 15:12

Thanks everyone, all helpful ideas. Blimey at the A&E story, polly, that must have been a terrifying phone call to get! Yes, he'll have emergency contacts and we are going to have a lengthy discussion and ground rules about what to do in different emergencies and so on.

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pollycazalet · 10/07/2014 15:14

Yes it's always been my greatest fear but guess what - it was fine really. His friends were brilliant, there were adults who called the ambulance and I got there quickly. It wouldn't have NOT have happened if I'd been at home if you see what I mean, just would have been less stressful for me (not him).

pollycazalet · 10/07/2014 15:18

Also ground rules about who he can have back (ours were just one child and the parent had to know they would be unsupervised at ours). This was after he had 10 children in our house one day.

Ludways · 10/07/2014 15:20

He either goes to his grandparents or walks home and I get there about 6-6:30. He mostly goes to grandparents as they will pick him up from the gates and he's a lazy sod! Lol

Original poster

edamsavestheday · 10/07/2014 17:06

Ludways

Polly, reassuring to hear that, in a way. Yes, I'd considered setting some ground rules, certainly don't want a group of teens (who, bless them, aren't great at thinking through consequences) rampaging through the house!

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