Glasses for teen DD

[TeenAndTween]

My DD age 14 needs new glasses.

She likes some with really thick frames which according to the optician are now the 'fashion' but which DH and I really don't think suit her colouring or face (all you see are the glasses). Also they remind me of the old 'NHS glasses' of the 70s.

We would prefer something much more subtle that we think complements her face much better.

Obviously she has to wear them and feel OK about them.

However:
We have to look at them.
We have to pay for them.
They are likely to last 2 years - fashions change.
Her current glasses which she chose are already quite strong on her face. I still don't like them at all after 2 years.

I suppose we could say she can have her choice if she likes them enough to pay for them herself out of her savings? Would that be fair?

She has to wear them, so she chooses. But if she changes her mind before they need to be clinically changes, then she has to pay.

If the ones she likes cost more than you were planning to pay, then it would be fair for you to ask her to pay the extra.

But if you are prepared to pay for glasses, then you should pay even if you don't like the ones she has chosen. It's her who has to wear them - what she likes is more important than what you like in this instance.

Let her know the budget and let her choose the style - if she goes over the budget, she pays the difference.

If the only thing she wears through her teens that you don't like are her glasses, I'd say you've got off lightly

Thanks, I thought that would be what you would say.

(However we do find seeing what she is willing to pay for herself to be quite a useful test of how much she cares about something, so we still might say that)

Hmm, I can't believe that you would make (or even threaten to make)your child buy their own glasses. Fair enough setting a budget but she has a medical need for them but now she is 14 it's no longer up to you beyond cost/practicality which ones she gets.

As always, you can give your view and advice and then it is down to her.

FWIW, I agree with you and I am not a big fan and they have been around for a few years now so how much longer they are in "vogue", who knows. Can you not maybe see if you can get a 2nd pair free deal so she has something else to change with, or order a cheaper more "suitable" pair as an extra?

Dd has these retro big thick frame glasses - themkind we fought against when we were kids! She looks seriously cool!

It's about her feeling good about herself having self confidence and being her own person. Her self esteem is the utmost importance.
I'm sure you have worn some hair styles / outfits that didn't suit.
She's your daughter and your money does not give you power to choose what you want her to wear. The price may restrict her. Kids cost.
Geeky glasses are a modern good look. Let her feel good about herself. Making her wear some that she doesn't feel great in could have a long lasting effect on her. It's a very vulnerable time for their self confidence.

Given her age she should get a budget for nhs prescription glasses think it was £89 for my DD and she wanted some name brand at the time so I paid extra think it was only about £20.

She will need eye tested at least yearly and my DD eye prescription slightly changed again I think I paid only £15 this time as they where slightly over the £89 nhs allowance.

She gets free repairs as is covered by free replacement if damaged or lost upto the value of £89

I can't believe you are considering asking her to pay!
I was that teenager.. It was awful having to wear glasses to school. School was hard enough as it was. The chances are her eyes will change within two years and she'll need new glasses anyway. Let her choose.

My dd has the biggest geek glasses going. I've always let her pick her own frames from the age of 3. She has to wear them not me. I wouldn't dream of telling my 13yo what glasses she could or couldn't have.

Kids can get free glasses every 12 months I thought not two years?

Dd is actually on a six month call up due to her prescription but prior to that was every 12 months.

And I think getting her to pay for them herself isn't on. Unless they're £100s and you can't afford it.

I think she has to have the final say in the style. She has to wear them & if she likes them she'll feel more confident in them.

I'm with you in that I don't like the fashion for big frames (I also equate them with the 1970s NHS glasses that I had to wear), but I think you have to suck this one up to be honest. It's important that she likes them. As the mother of three glasses wearing teens, I wouldn't expect mine to pay for their glasses. They are a necessity, not a luxury item.

I would've thought she'd need her eyes testing again after a year. Teenagers' prescriptions can change quite fast. And fortunately, fashions change too.

If you are not keen on her choice of styles, would you consider letting her try contact lenses? DS1 started wearing them at 13.

Both my boys only get a 2 yearly eye test now, age 12 & 13. Eldest has worn glasses since he was 6 and at one point was on a 3 monthly recall, and he needed New glasses every time :(

I really don't think you can ask her to pay unless it's the ones you choose. Dd has worn glasses since she was 2 and she had always had final say on the frames because she had to wear them. She needs them and I want want to feel happy and confident wearing them.
Yes set a budget I do the same but do not force her into something you want when she is the one wearing them.

why not go somewhere to get a two for one offer?....plenty of places do this.

The heavy chunky eric morecombe styles are very very in at the minute....my dd has had red or dead and roxy frames
One thing just now is some frames are that style, but not such burly thick frames, so it is possible to have a bit of a compromise.

she should DEFINITELY be allowed to have whichever style she chooses!
my son has been wearing glasses since he was four and he has been BRILLIANT about wearing them all the time and this has meant that his eyesight has improved dramatically. part of this was that he has always had glasses that he has chosen-be it star wars or football glasses or whatever.

if you make her have glasses she doesn't like she will just take them off!

Why would you make her pay?

I would just get her the ones she wants ( within reason cost wise) Kids don't wear the delicate frames- they're for old people. My DD has big black frames, geeky style, it's what they all wear.

While you're at it, try and go somewhere where they do 2 for the price of one. The spare pair comes in handy, believe me.

Please don't make her have some that are your choice. The fact is- she won't wear them and that would be a complete waste of money.

Also, if you look in Topshop or the like, you will see that they sell the big chunky frames with plain glass in. Teens wear them as a fashion statement even though they don't need glasses. So if she wants something similar- that's why.

As for lasting two years. They may, or may not. Purely because her eyes may well change in that time and she could need a different prescription next year- although you can just have the lenses changed.

Could you get her some cheaper fashion ones? Glassesdirect.com and tesco have frames from £20, and have the big chunky ones in. You could buy the sensible ones and she can buy her own fashion ones.

You cannot force a teenager to like what you like or look how you want her to look. Getting her to choose what you want by threatening to make her pay is a pretty good way of ensuring she 'loses' them, breaks them or never wears them when you are out of sight.

My DD chose thick-framed glasses. She was bothered enough about having to wear glasses in the first place, so the choice of frames was the only way she could have a say in a situation she didn't choose and wasn't happy about. She looks the way she wants to look in them, they are trendy and suit her personality.

OK OK.

I am hearing a consensus that the horrible 'geeky' look is what is the fashion and we just have to live with seeing it the whole time.

Just to cover a few points - she has been wearing glasses since she was 8 and full time for 3 years or so. Mainly her prescriptions have always 'lasted' 2 years (and of course she has yearly eye tests). She has never lost/broken her glasses yet. She won't take them off as she knows she gets headaches without them.

We did look into contact lenses but have ruled them out for now as too fiddly for her (motor skills issues), and the risk of something going wrong with her eyes outweighs the potential benefits for the moment.

Thank you all.

(Glad I didn't post in AIBU !)

I'm a bit late to this seeing your update but as someone who started wearing glasses aged 5 and is now -9 in both eyes please, please let her wear whatever ones she likes. It's hard enough wearing glasses anyway let alone ones your parents have chosen!

I remember once my mum got me beautiful Christian dior glasses aged 9 which I really hated - I wanted transformer ones! - the dior ones were transparent with a bow on the side and I detested wearing them. Next time she let me choose transformer ones from the boys section! :)

I started wearing contacts at 12. Specsavers currently do a free pair of glasses every two years with monthly lenses (although I know kids glasses are free I think anyway). I love my contacts. The field of vision is so much better apart from anything else.

My dd has black framed geeky style glasses. She chose them. With the NHS voucher they only cost me £10. They are adult glasses. They are a budget pair but they are really nice.

Anyway, she broke them last week and they are now missing an arm so we are going to get new ones today as she is entitled to a pair every 12 months.

Pick your battles!

Let her have the glasses she wants. Explain that they'll have to last until the next ones are due so choose some she really likes. If she loves them you WILL like them too - or at least say you do.

Glasses are actually pretty cheap if they are standard ones, £60-80 for a child that probably has birthday money etc to spend, and if they want new ones before they are due I'd say "what about using your Xmas money?" or maybe if nearly due going half and half.

All my 3 have " geek" glasses and look bril! Though DS just makes me think " uncle Ernest" LOL (my great uncle, sweet man, died in the late 1970s!)

Yes, its your job just to pay up.

I have worn glasses since I was 10, DD since she was 6. It's your nose, you have to be happy with what sits in it 12 plus hours a day.

I was eternal grateful my parents let me choose non NHS ones despite not really having the money.

I always let DD choose (and make a special, very rainy trip when she doesn't like the local choice) because they are such a central part of how she looks to the world.

Her last two pairs have been geek ones, despite her definitely not being. I don't especially like them, but she does and that's what matters.