What Shouldn't I Ask of my Self Harming Daughter ?

[Gymbob]

I mean, it's always been a battle getting her to do chores, but she says that me asking her to do anything leaves her feeling stressed and she can't cope with it - she has to go upstairs and cut herself. Of course it's only a small part of the reason for doing it.

Yes, asking you about doing chores is trivial when she is self harming, but I'm not sure how to handle her as a whole (we're waiting for all the appointments to kick in - CAMHS etc), Should I leave her alone completely and not ask anything of her if she says it stresses her, or do I keep things running as if she is not self harming?

She is 14, has low self esteem but bags of confidence, thinks she's ugly when she's pretty, and has lots of problems at school with friendships.

I'm completely new to self harming so any advice you can give me will be most welcome

I wouldn't be allowing her to blackmail me like that for sure and yes I have some experience.

I would keep things as normal as possible but I probably would add incentive to do chores... like earning her pocket money. she has a clear choice then. No chores then no money.

Yes I do feel like she is blackmailing me regarding the chores. thank you for that, I didn't want to say it in my original post as I thought I may come across as an unfeeling hardnosed cow.

She does get a set amount of pocket money for cleaning her room each week and her school shoes and a couple of other things. She can earn extra money for extra jobs but she's not interested.