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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS17 and girlfriend, 19, living together?

20 replies

beth2122 · 05/12/2013 10:09

Hi all! New here, so be nice
MY DS17 has been with his girlfriend, M, since the end of June (officially, they started dating end of March). He turned 17 in June, and she is 20 in April. DS is still at college 3.5 days a week, and works 3.5 days a week, M works full time. She's a lovely girl, and gets on well with the family, but I worry that they're moving too fast.
They're living together now, and have been for a month or so. Is it odd that she's with him? He's mature for his age, but she's so much older and has already done the whole college into work thing?? Seems odd to me. It also seems so quick, and he's thrown himself into it 100%. He obviously won't hear a word against her, or their relationship. Just wondering how other parents would feel about it?
Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

adeucalione · 05/12/2013 11:58

I think I would also worry that he was settling down too young and too quickly, but be very grateful that she is a lovely girl who gets on well with the family.

Ultimately I suppose there is nothing you can do other than appear wholeheartedly supportive whilst making sure that the lines of communication are kept open so that, should it become necessary, you can support him if it goes wrong.

MrsBright · 05/12/2013 13:58

Have the chat about contraception - even if you've covered this before. Remind him of the reality of what having a baby at 17 would actually mean.

Keep the door open. First loves are deep intense stuff. He'll need you when they have their first big row.

MrsBright · 05/12/2013 14:01

Ps. If he's still at college who is supporting him?

If they are 'living together' then she should be supporting him - because that's what those in adult relationships do.

SirChenjin · 05/12/2013 14:05

I don't think it's hugely odd that she's with someone who is 2.5 years younger, but I do think it's odd that they want to be so serious at such a young age. I would echo the other posters - just be there for him when it ends (as teenage romances tend to do), and definitely have the conversation about being tied down with a baby and the long term financial commitment that would entail. Is she supporting him financially?

Original poster

beth2122 · 05/12/2013 14:24

adeucalione - Thank you for your reply. I guess we'd be in a much stickier situation if she were awful! I'm always going to be there for him.. He's my baby though! Seems to have come around too fast!

MrsBright - She has the implant, and there's DEFINITELY no intention of a baby! He was with a girl for a year before, and she was awful to him, though he loved her. He's supporting himself, he works over 30 hours in the 3.5 days.

SirChenjin -As before, he's supporting himself, and she's supporting herself. From what I gather, it's fairly 50/50 although she likes to cover more costs where she can as she earns more!

Thanks for all your replies :)

OP posts:

out2lunch · 05/12/2013 14:29

my ds will probably live wih his gf next yr.this has all happened v quickly they only got together in the summer.young love though innit.
if they are happy and being sensible I think its lovely.ds is 19 gf is 20.

Original poster

beth2122 · 05/12/2013 14:35

out2lunch - Thanks for your reply :) Good to hear from someone who is going to be there! 19 just seems much older than 17! He is very happy with her, probably the happiest he's been (although he is still very young) and they seem ever so grounded.
I should probably add that I have a very good relationship with my DS and are often invited there for a cuppa/dinner, and they're invited here.

OP posts:

Whereisegg · 05/12/2013 14:39

I got together with dp when he was 19 and I was 23.
Next year will be our ten year anniversary and we are planning on marrying as close to our anniversary as possible

Original poster

beth2122 · 05/12/2013 14:41

Whereisegg, that's lovely :) Congratulations :) I think I'm probably just worrying too much.. She's a nice girl and she makes him happy. That's all that counts I suppose!

OP posts:

Featherbag · 05/12/2013 15:00

DH and I met at these ages and moved in together after a couple of weeks. 13 years, a wedding and 2 kids later, I think it counts as a long term relationship although I'm sure our respective parents were concerned at the start!

livinginawinterwonderland · 05/12/2013 15:54

I think they seem relatively sensible, all things given. They both work, they use contraception and she gets on with the family and seems to be nice and grounded. They're happy together and they're not planning a kid or relying on benefits or doing drugs or anything ridiculous.

I can totally understand you being worried, I would be too! So long as he knows he can always come home if it goes wrong, I would stand back and let them get on with it. There's nothing wrong with being settled at 17 if it's what you want!

Original poster

beth2122 · 05/12/2013 16:01

That's a lovely story Featherbag :) Very reassuring too, although I hope I shouldn't be expecting grandchildren anytime soon!!

livinginawinterwonderland - You're right, logically speaking! They are a sensible pair, and he's always been the sort to get settled young. I guess I just feel sad that he's not my baby anymore! They are a lovely couple. Muststepback!!

OP posts:

DaddyIsHome · 05/12/2013 16:56

I dont think either of those are odd at all. Worrying, yes.

DaddyIsHome · 05/12/2013 17:00

I moved in with DP and her parents when I was 16, she is a few months older than me. We were together nearly 3 years before we had our beautiful DD and are getting our own place (So now is definatley the time to have the talk once more) sometimes things do move fast, sometimes it works out and others it doesnt. Im a 19 year old daddy and work full time and couldnt be happier! So it is worrying but i dont think its odd at all.

annieorangutan · 05/12/2013 17:04

Why will it have to end? We moved in together in a mortgaged place at 18 and are still together and married.

Featherbag · 05/12/2013 17:55

Beth, we got married after 10 years together then had our DS's who are age 2.2yo and 2 weeks! So we had lots of time having fun together before doing the grown-up stuff.

Original poster

beth2122 · 06/12/2013 08:45

Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't see any need to talk to them about contraception; she is on a long term contraceptive and has ambitious plans and he's said before he doesn't want kids yet. There's been no indication that that's what they want anytime soon either. I feel a lot more relaxed about it now, given some of the stories on here.
Featherbag, congrats on the little one! :)

OP posts:

flipchart · 06/12/2013 08:55

A bloke I work with was 17 when he got together with his now wife. She was 24 , divorced with two kids. You can imagine the raised eyebrows.

15 years later they are happily married ( and have been for many years) have two children together. He loves her to biits

Outside work I often bump into him and his wife and children. They are great fun and a lovely family.

I asked him once about why he settled down so young and he said he always knew he wanted to have a family of his own and he loves family life. He is very close to his parents ( and hers)

A long winded way of saying there can be happy ever after.

ConnieM1970 · 07/12/2013 18:59

I really don't see a problem with it. She is on birth control and they love each other and you like her. It may not last but it sounds like they are committed to each other. With my oldest, I let her bf move in with us when she was 16 and they are still very happy together. Good luck.

CaptainHindsight · 10/12/2013 11:32

DH and I moved in together at 18, we had to grow up fast and we were skint for a few years but we were together and we were happy and we still are 8 years on

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