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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Spending more time moanng about stuff than doing it.

44 replies

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2013 09:25

DS1 (14)

OP posts:

bigbluebus · 06/10/2013 16:40

sparkling this is DS's (16) specialist subject. He can spend hours arguing about why he shouldn't have to do something....it's not his job or it's pointless or he hasn't got enough time. He could just get on and do it! I cling to the hope that one day he will learn that

His favourite phrase when asked to do something (whilst engrossed in a PS game) is "in a minute". Sadly, his clock runs at a very different rate to mine and any reminder to do what it was he was asked to do is usually followed with the question "what was it you wanted me to do?" because he wasn't really listening at all!

Reminds me of when I was a child. I was the youngest of 3, with 2 older brothers. AFter Sunday lunch, Dad would always say "I want 2 volunteers - one to wash and one to dry". The younger brother would then start a fight in order to 'bully' the other 2 of us into taking up the 2 voluntary roles!. It would have been a far more constructive use of his time to have just got on and helped with the chores. He is the most gentle and laid back adult now though.

flow4 · 06/10/2013 20:19

This evening, I stopped in the middle cooking and told them I wasn't going to feed them until they finally did the jobs I first asked them to do at 11am. It worked, but I think I was lucky, because I was making Yorkshire puds, a favourite. If I'd been making rice or stew I think I'd be waiting still!

I have noticed, though, that they do two entirely different types of moaning: one is 'pre-moaning' and tries to argue why they shouldn't have to do something. The other is 'empty moaning', which is a sort of background burbling complaining noise they make while they are actually doing what they've been asked ! I have learned that I can totally ignore the 'empty moaning', and save myself quite a lot of irritation!

ThreeBeeOneGee · 06/10/2013 20:46

I'd like to bring to the table...

DS1 (13) and his Technology project. Work was explained and set in early September, with four weeks to do it and it's due in first thing tomorrow morning.

Of course he planned his time carefully, did some of it each week and finished it in plenty of time... NOT!

chocoluvva · 07/10/2013 11:31

Ooh I sympathise Sparkling - my 14YO DS is the same.

He moans on and on about me expecting him to swallow a tasteless vitamin D tablet in the winter. No problems with swallowing tablets!

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 07/10/2013 11:34

Oh yes Three 'Extended Learning Projects'. A month to do it. Finishing it before school on the day it's due in.

I like the thought of pre-moaning. We have pre/during/after moaning.

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 07/10/2013 13:38

My two, 13 and 15 counter any request from me to do something (maths homework, music practice, clean out Guinea pigs etc ) with the retort
" well I was going to do it but now you have asked me to I won't" !

I had lots of pre moaning this weekend, but I am proud to say I STOOD MY GROUND and told them that going swimming, cutting the grass, cleaning out the Guinea Pigs etc was NOT optional and they had to do it. After a 10 minutes argument about who was going to cut which bit of our very small lawn, DS 15 relented and did everything I asked her including help me pick blackberries and then did some baking.

emsiewill · 07/10/2013 13:49

Travelled!! I thought I was the only parent in the world who had to suffer the "I was going to do it, but because you keep nagging me [asked me twice with a day inbetween], I won't do it now."

How the hell can we ever win with that logic? Don't ask them, they don't do it. Ask them once, they'll "do it in a minute" (ie never), ask them again and you've blown it.

I realise this sounds incredibly pathetic & people will say "just tell them, and don't take any crap" - I know this is the answer, but it doesn't make the reality any less wearing or frustrating.

Having teenagers has given me the longest fuse in the world, cos I learnt that screaming and shouting and showing my frustration is just counter productive.

Doesn't mean I don't feel it though...

secretscwirrels · 07/10/2013 15:47

"If you didn't go on about it I'd do it at exactly the same time but with less nagging" DS1 about the aforementioned UCAS application.

monikar · 07/10/2013 15:51

Pre-moaning .

Do any of you get the reply 'I'm doing it' but the 'it' is pronounced 'itttterrr' when you ask them to do something, only they are not doing it, they are just moaning...

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 07/10/2013 15:58

Yes. You say you are 'doing ittttterr' BUT YOU AREN'T!!!!.

OP posts:

monikar · 07/10/2013 16:02

Sparkling I know! I say 'but you aren't - you are just moaning' and they say 'I'm doing ittterrr. I ammmerrr'.

Original poster

Sparklingbrook · 07/10/2013 16:05

YY to 'I ammmerr'.

DS2 is only 11 he will never get out of bed in the morning-

Me-get up now please
DS2-I will get up when you stop telling me to get up
Me-I will stop telling you to get up when you get up

Stalemate.

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 07/10/2013 16:23

OMG! I thought it was just my DD who added the errrrrr onto words! Noerrr, yeserrr

bubby64 · 07/10/2013 18:35

Then there is the added on complaint moaning when they dont do a job properly the 1st time and you ask them to do it again with all its componant parts ie when dts2 finally does have the shower I asked him to take yesterday evening, -but only after everytime he me near DH or myself we made buzzing fly noises!- abut doesn't wash his hair " you wanted me to shower, you said nothing about washing my hair as well, if you wanted me to do that, you should have told me!" WTF!!

monikar · 08/10/2013 09:57

Do you find that when they do eventually get around to doing what has been asked they often do it in a very slap-dash manner? If I ask for the kitchen to be cleared up say, the dishwasher will be filled but the rubbish will not be in the bin and the sides will not have been wiped. If challenged they will say 'but I've done ittterrr' and then I get the after-moaning about finishing the job properly. I am sure this tactic is designed to ensure I don't ask for anything but I am not falling for that one .

Travelledtheworld · 08/10/2013 15:11

emsiewill ??
I just say " well I am looking forward to seeing it done" .....and walk away.

My other tactic is to use the line " I could really do with some help with this task but I suppose it is too difficult/ dangerous for you to do" and that provokes one of them into action.

DS 13 is very tall and strong and good at dangerous gardening and practical DIY tasks when he can be removed from commanding his forces in Civilisation V.

Travelledtheworld · 08/10/2013 15:12

Sorry emsiewill that should have been a Smiley...

Ursula8 · 08/10/2013 17:47

Oh the moaning, the moaning. OMG the moaning.
Sorry. I just cannot stand it. It seems to run from the second DD 16 opens her eyes until the second I drag myself away from her off to bed. It's non stop I tell you. It's EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
It's ALL WRONG.
Everything about me is wrong, obviously. The time I wake her up is wrong, the bus timetable, the toothpaste, everything related to DS13, everything about college, her teachers, lessons, other students, the weather, her shoes, oh god it really is just everything!!!

Travelledtheworld · 09/10/2013 08:43

Ok what is the psychology behind this ? Anyone ?
Are they beginning to realise that there are things and people that they don't like that they will have to cope with as they go through

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