Talking to 14 son about girls

[Wickles]

Hi, new to this site, so hope this makes sense! Am after some advice to do with my 14 year old son. He is very nervous around girls but has started chatting to a couple of girls on FB chat and texting, I know it's wrong but just read his FB messages and it seems as if he's been pestering some of them, obviously don't want him getting into any trouble for this and want to nip it in the bud! We are very close, but really not sure how to start conversation. Obviously don't want to mention I have seen messages!
Thanks for any advice given

I have a 15 yo DD. Believe me girls are NOT young ladies or shrinking violets. If your son really is pestering them, most likely they will actually tell him to fuck off. Not nice and not what you want to hear but he will have to learn the hard way.

Don't read his facebook messages. Sure way to lose his trust.

Fortified, I'm not convinced - I'm glad your DD is confident enough to deal with unwanted attention and I agree that reading the FB messages is a mistake but Wickles, I think it's a good idea to find a way to have a conversation about it - to help your own son and also because many teenagers (boys and girls) are pretty vulnerable, and FB etc opens up new ways for them to inadvertantly expose themselves or to become predatory a bit too persistent.

Sorry, that doesn't answer your question! I would say find a time when you are alone together but he doesn't have to look at you. Like driving him home from somewhere, or helping you cook dinner or wash up or something. And try to frame the conversation without asking questions.

I think it might be best to have a general "chatting people up" chat rather than one that's about him. He's new to this so is likely to make mistakes and would probably be interested in a general chat about the difference in being friendly and stalkerish or what kind of chat up lines will have girls rolling their eyes.

I tend to start these conversations with a (made up) anecdote about 'someone at work'.

In this case I would say something like 'Blimey, you won't believe this, but someone's been pestering Moira's daughter on FB and she's got copies of what was said and is going to contact his parents and his school. Imagine being so disrespectful to women! Imagine being daft enough to leave a written record!' and so on.