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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I have just deeply offended my 14 year old DD by......

23 replies

spudmasher · 14/09/2013 20:31

Telling her I think she needs to wear more clothes.....
She is very beautiful and has the most gorgeous shape and insists upon wearing excuses for tops/ skirts/ jeans.....everything is cropped/ mini/ skinny .....and I'm struggling to like it.
Any advice?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 14/09/2013 20:32

What did you think of the clothes your mother wanted you to wear when you were 14?

looseleaf · 14/09/2013 20:38

I think as long as she's clear you think she's beautiful whatever, you've done the right thing and gentle wording i guess is important as a strong reaction might be less effective. I feel for you as would be exactly the same and don't like skimpy wear but our children are under 6 so it's not an issue!

Original poster
spudmasher · 14/09/2013 20:41

Naff.....but I wore baggy mohair jumpers, Doc Martin boots etc.....I can see why she didn't like them, but at least they had some substance, not like my DDs see through blouses, cropped tops and jeans so tight that...well.....maybe I am a prude, but I define clothes as something that cover the body and keep you warm. Her clothes don't do that. They don't keep her warm. They don't cover her.

OP posts:
Iseeall · 14/09/2013 20:48

The weathers getting colder hopefully she will put tights or leggings under her shorts soon.
How about a shopping spree(somewhere cheapish) the shops are full of snuggly winter stuff now, you never know she might just be tempted, I know my dd loves any reason for new clothes.

Original poster
spudmasher · 14/09/2013 21:01

Thank you, let's hope so.
She's a dancer so she goes for that skin tight stuff. Maybe I need to just come to terms with it. She will be fifteen next month. I see men looking at her when we are out and about.....nothing I can do really, other than tell her what I think and let her go.......

OP posts:
1TattooedMummy · 17/09/2013 06:14

Hello, I have a daughter that has a great shape and sometimes flaunts it too. I explain to her how it may make some men think, (yes I know that's no reason to not wear what you want but it's life.) Other than that I don't worry, I would not let her out alone, but in a group or with me I don't really mind. one thing you could try would be to threaten to dress the same as her! Embarrassment works well with teens, I've found! More seriously, could you offer to buy her some clothes as long as you helped choose?

TheBookofRuth · 17/09/2013 06:46

Sorry, I'm not getting why you think you have no control over this? She's 14, she's not an adult, and you have a responsibility to make sure she dresses in an age and weather appropriate manner.

Who pays for her clothes? I'm guessing it's you as at 14 I don't imagine she's earning enough to pay for her own wardrobe. So why aren't you refusing to pay for stuff that's inappropriate? No need for her to dress in sackcloth and ashes but surely a compromise should be possible?

ITCouldBeWorse · 17/09/2013 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 17/09/2013 07:05

Yes, my DD and her friends do this too. She has a great, petite shape and loves body-con stuff, but doesn't wear heels or low-cut/see-through, and doesn't want to look older.

I don't think any of it is inappropriate and if you can't wear tight-fitting clothes when you are 14 with a flab-free body, when can you?!

mummytime · 17/09/2013 07:42

TheBookofRuth - do you have a teenage daughter?

TheBossOfMe · 17/09/2013 08:42

Unless she really is dressing like a pole dancer, by saying she needs to wear more baggy clothes (which is actually what you are saying if you are objecting to skinny jeans) because men look at her, you are victim blaming. Some men stare because they don't have manners. Their problem, not hers.

Don't make her ashamed of her body. It's not nice. There's nothing wrong with skinny jeans.

beachyhead · 17/09/2013 08:48

Basic rule is boobs or legs, not both! Same with strong eye make up or strong lipstick, not both....

These are the 'rules' passed down to my dd1 GrinGrin

Seems to work, or failing that, a big coat!

bakehouse · 17/09/2013 09:22

Agree with BigTillyMint, if you can't wear stuff like this with your perfect teen body then when can you? My two (14 and 16) mostly wear skinny jeans, crop tops etc for everyday wear and will go for the heels and tiny skirts only for parties. Neither wears much make up but they are both tall slim and gorgeous and definitely look older than they are. I want them to be proud of what they look like and only wish I had had their confidence at their age. Surely if you don't let them out in what they want to wear they will go and change at someone elses house anyway?

ashleysilver · 17/09/2013 11:35

Sounds like what my dd wears. She is also a dancer. I see it as one of those 'pick your battles' things. It's not important enough to get into an argument about.

Men look at her because they are pervs. It's nothing to do with what your dd wears. Like you I wore big boots and baggy jumpers as a teen, but I still got those looks from men. That's the world we live in. Sad Angry

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 17/09/2013 11:38

I wear tight skinny jeans still. No crop tops though Sad

bakehouse · 17/09/2013 14:02

Yes it is the world we live in and it's always been the same and always will be. My DS aged 18 noticed some older guys ogling his sister (who's 14 but admittedly looks 18) when we were out for a family meal last week. When she went to the loo he leaned over to them at their table and said 'mate you do realise she's only 12 don't you?'

1TattooedMummy · 17/09/2013 15:10

haha bakehouse my Dd was with me when we both got chatted up!! I had to tell the guy (who was about 24) that DD was only 13 and I was her mum - he looked shocked and then said "well how old are you then!" his face when I said 47 was a picture!!

I agree about the victim blaming thing btw TheBossofme but I still explain to DD how her looks will affect the opposite sex, some of that is hormones! And she needs to know that her fabulous good looks will elicit comment and or stares.

bigTillyMint · 17/09/2013 15:17

Respect, 1Tatooed!

DD and my godD were ogled at constantly on holiday this summer. I told them to say "do you know I'm only 14?" which resulted in the oglers scuttling away with embarrassmentSmile

MrsDavidBowie · 17/09/2013 15:18

I have a 6 feet tall 17 year old dd, who has a 34ins inside leg.
She feels the cold so wears lots of layers with skinnies, or skater skirts, tights and vans.
I think she looks great.

If I wasn't 53, I would like to look like that (I do wear skinnies and fitted long tops)

bigTillyMint · 17/09/2013 15:28

Yes, I agree, MrsDB - I think they look fab and would love to be able to dress like that still!

TheBossOfMe · 17/09/2013 16:00

God, this thread makes me want to be a teenager again - is it just me? There's something so amazing about that period in a young girl's life - plus the fashions today are sooooo much nicer than the 80s (old gimmer here!)

MrsDavidBowie · 17/09/2013 20:15

Maybe we should all just do it for one day.
And pop into our dd's school.Grin

bigTillyMint · 17/09/2013 20:58

EEeeek! Sounds like 1tatooed could get away with it thoughEnvy

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