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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son and girlfriend home alone or not?

17 replies

happygolucky0 · 03/09/2013 13:52

My son is 16 in a couple if months. He has a girlfriend of the same age. Would you leave you son or daughter in the home while you go to work? I work shifts. Son is well aware of using protection ect ect. He tells me they are not ready for sex at the moment. Her family is fine with it. Feels wrong to be chucking them out when I go to work. Or they have been going to my parents.
What would you do or have you done in my situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
happygolucky0 · 03/09/2013 13:55

Sorry I meant leave them together at home. I leave him alone.

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WafflyVersatile · 03/09/2013 13:57

If they want to have sex they will have it under a bush if necessary.

NoComet · 03/09/2013 13:59

What Waffly say's

usualsuspect · 03/09/2013 14:03

Yes, I would leave them at home.

Bowlersarm · 03/09/2013 14:09

I think if you leave them at home then be prepared that sex may be on the agenda. My DS was having sex with his same age girlfriend at 15. I tended to be home most of the time with younger DSes so it didn't happen at our house, but his girlfriends parents worked. So they spent a lot of time at her house. I thought it was innocent. But oh no it wasn't, I found out later.

LeGavrOrf · 03/09/2013 14:13

Yes, I would leave them at home. And have done at that age.

ConnieM1970 · 03/09/2013 23:11

I think it all depends on your comfort level. Personally I have allowed it since I knew my 16 yr old and her bf have been having sex for a year now. I think if they are responsible and practicing safe sex they may as well be in the safety of your home.

Fairylea · 03/09/2013 23:14

Yes I'd leave them at home. If they want to have sex they will have sex regardless. At least if they get to spend quality time together they might actually get to build a proper relationship rather than just grab a quickie whenever they can.

specialsubject · 04/09/2013 10:23

best to accept the inevitable - tell him to keep the noise down, change and wash the sheets if needed and that condoms need to be wrapped and binned, not flushed.

Original poster
happygolucky0 · 04/09/2013 19:09

Thanks all for posting. Seems most of you think I wouldn't be a terrible mum if I left them. It us hard to except just yet that he is that grown up . Best start getting my head around it I guess.

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ConnieM1970 · 04/09/2013 23:26

I think that's the hardest part, accepting that our teens are growing up and making adult decisions. When I first found out my daughter and her bf had sex I was upset and sad, but I did accept their decision. It's been a year for them now so I'm much more laid back about it than I was at first. But I do think it's important that once they take the step to have sex that they learn that safe sex can be enjoyable and nothing to be ashamed of if they truly care for each other. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

BOF · 04/09/2013 23:29

I wouldn't, tbh. Not under 16.

BOF · 04/09/2013 23:35

Just to add to that, they mature so much between, say, 15 and 17. I would worry about not just the legal implications, but the impact of a full-on could-quite-possibly-break-your-heart relationship at that age, and the effect on their studies and exams. They are more robust when they are that little bit older.

The other aspect which I'd like to stress is that I believe that sometimes -often?- teenagers like the boundaries that a parent puts in place, as it is much easier for them to blame a strict mum than look uncool when it comes to doing things they aren't ready for, or are unwise, like sex/drinking/drugs/staying out etc.

It's your call, but I'd trust your instincts.

MiniMonty · 05/09/2013 01:34

+++++ (in fact plus a hundred) to what BOF said.

I was fifteen, she was fifteen, my folks were cool and never thought twice about us being alone - she got pregnant. Fucked us both up for "O levels" and for a while after... And then no fairy tale - we didn't make a teenage sweetheart couple. She had an abortion and I ran away from home because I couldn't handle the guilt and shame my Dad poured onto me.

VERY HORNY teenagers are best kept under zoo conditions...

Set some boundaries, put up some fences.
Help them to get it right.

Dumpylump · 05/09/2013 01:54

Could you maybe nip home in your lunch break? Or if they have been going to your parents, could one or other of them call in just to check all is ok?
That's what I think I would do. Tell him that you'll be coming back on your break, but you're not sure what time that will be...or that gran or grandad is going to call in, just to make sure they're ok, but again, you can't give a time.
I agree that if they're going to do it, then they're going to do it, but if you're not ok with that, there's no need to make it easy for them.

DaleyBump · 05/09/2013 02:30

When I was 15, my parents wouldn't leave my boyfriend and I alone together even though I had been with him since I was 14 and he was only six months older than me. We ended up having sex in public toilets and other disgusting places because we had nowhere else to have sex. When I told my mum I wanted to go on the pill (about six months after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time) she kind of understood and left us alone together but it would have been safer if she had been willing to do that in the first place.

I would also like to say that we're still together, engaged and expecting a son in November.

Original poster
happygolucky0 · 05/09/2013 20:24

Oooooo my it's a tough call isn't it. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. There is no saying though that when I went off to work he could sneak her in without me knowing. I caught them out months ago when I left work sick early and went abit crazy at them both!!!!

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