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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old DD won't stop listening to music?!

29 replies

JessLouise · 26/08/2013 17:29

My DD has become overly obsessed with music. Listening to it whenever she can. It mainly seems to be Ed Sheeran, We The Kings, One Direction, Taylor Seift and Mumford and Sons.
The problem is its starting to affect family relations. She barely talks to anyone and is always on her damn phone. Never off it. It's beginning to become worrying. Any advice other than taking her phone? When asked she says music is her escape from the world. (She has suffered from self injury and other problems) but I still don't see that as an excuse. Advice please I'm at the em if my tether and want my daughter back!

OP posts:
starsandunicorns · 26/08/2013 17:33

Sounds like my dd 15 she perm has her earphones in all the time one is always in or her music is on in bedroom the bathroom I foolow the music or the trail of clothes I would say dont sweat the small stuff

hghkjh · 26/08/2013 17:35

Could you have some time when you have her music on as background in the house, so you can interact with her at the same time?

Mrsfluff · 26/08/2013 17:36

My 13 year old DD is the same, always listening to music. She spends a lot of time on her bed, watching videos or just listening. We're not too worried though, I view it as a normal part of being a teenager - both DH and myself were similar at that age.

Original poster
JessLouise · 26/08/2013 17:36

I've tried. She claims we wouldn't like her music. I think it's mainly we (DH and DS) enjoy queen an she enjoys current music. No chance of finding music we agree on.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 26/08/2013 17:37

I was like that, including the self harm, and it honestly helped. Is she getting any help for the self harm?

Nagoo · 26/08/2013 17:37

Is this not just the way? I used to escape into music. As long as you are there when she wants to talk?

cocolepew · 26/08/2013 17:38

My 15 yo DD is the same. So was I.
I have to admit I don't see it as a problem.

Original poster
JessLouise · 26/08/2013 17:39

She's having counselling for sh, it's not so much a problem by a nuisance, we haven't spoken to her in days!

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 26/08/2013 17:40

Honestly, let her have this.

I was the same as a teen. As I got older, I stopped needing to listen to it all the time, but I can still listen to it to calm me down instantly now. I'd be concerned if she was listening to a lot of angry or violent music, but it sounds like a good mix, and it may well be helping her to deal with her emotions and calm down without self-harming.

I can see that it might be annoying, but I'd go with it for a while. Presuming she is still talking to friends etc and has not cut herself off from the world completely, this is a pretty standard development step.

CockyFox · 26/08/2013 17:42

I don't have a teen but as one I was constantly listening to music and ignoring my parents as much as possible. It is par for the course isn't it?

livinginwonderland · 26/08/2013 17:43

I don't know any teenager that WASN'T like this.

OrangeLily · 26/08/2013 17:46

This was me! She'll be fine. It's not like she's listening to loads of angry stuff.

DuchessFanny · 26/08/2013 17:47

Sounds very familiar .. My teen DS pretty much constantly has his earphones on, but when I look back I used to too ( except in those days it was a bulky cassette player that went through batteries at speed ) I grew out of it, my DS will and so will your DD, I'd let it go if its helping her through a difficult time hormonally.

MurderOfGoths · 26/08/2013 17:47

Give her time, you'll get her back. And she'll appreciate you letting her deal with it in her own way.

WallaceWindsock · 26/08/2013 17:48

This is COMPLETELY normal teen behaviour. Let her have the space through music. She will naturally want to pull away from family life as much as possible as she is trying to assert her independence. Far better she seeks that independence via music than drinking, skipping school, challenging you on every rule etc. if she's been self harming then I would actually encourage the music. If that gives her an outlet and she finds release and expression through it then that's fantastic. Honestly as PP said, let her have this.

MurderOfGoths · 26/08/2013 17:53

Even if it was angry music thatd be fine too

ArthurCucumber · 26/08/2013 17:55

Yup, I'd go along with that. My 14 yr old girl is exactly the same. The reasons I'm happy about it are:

  1. I was exactly the same, and it's quite normal at that age
  2. While she's obsessing about music/artists, she isn't obsessing over some spotty youth from her real life
  3. She has made an online community of friends (obv we keep an eye) from the same fandoms, and connected with others from school who are into the same music
  4. It inspires her to be creative - she's trying the guitar and spends ages creating fan art, etc.
  5. She's an anxious, high-achieving type (although no MH issues) and it helps her to relax

She's happy to share the music with me - in fact, it's a way that we bond. She knows that although I may not like exactly that type of music, that isn't a barrier, because I do have a lot of time for talented young people being creative (i.e. not manufactured autotuned shite) and can see that the artists she's into are putting a lot of work and heart into what they do. You could see if any of the bands she's into have a gig coming up and maybe go together?

Weegiemum · 26/08/2013 17:55

We have a 13yo dd and I'm sick of Imagine Dragons!

Our rule is earphones aren't allowed in the house. Music in room = ok. Music in the kitchen/lounge/dining room (at reasonable volume with permission) is ok. No earphones in the communal areas or we take all devices.

I'm hard, me!

RegainingUnconsciousness · 26/08/2013 18:02

I was like that! So was DH. In fact we only really turned the music off when DS came along because it's a bit sweary

Try putting some of her music on. If you like queen, start with Mumford, that seems to be the least offensive of that bunch. I'd also recommend Biffy Clyro as a compromise.

I think it was Feeder who released the album Comfort In Sound after their drummer died. I think the concept sums it up. Music is comforting, it can express or change your mood. Which is why music is abused by tv programmes to make you feel sorry for X factor people, or to create an emotional response in films.

WeegieMum's headphone rules sound good though.

RegainingUnconsciousness · 26/08/2013 18:05

Arthur: "3) She has made an online community of friends (obv we keep an eye) from the same fandoms, and connected with others from school who are into the same music"

In all fairness, this is how DH and I got together! First date was at a gig! Deal sealed when we found our music collection was in duplicate!

SubliminalMassaging · 26/08/2013 18:05

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I wouldn't worry about the music, So long as the volume was not an issue for others in the house) but I would have house rules that there are set times when headphones are off and phone is out of the hand and texts/calls do not get answered. Mealtimes and homework times, basically. Other than that I'd leave her to it - you'll be fighting a losing battle if you don't.

NoComet · 26/08/2013 18:06

For me and DD1(15) it is burying our heads in books. I read constantly as a teen, despite being dyslexic so does she.

DD1(12) uses books, music, playing SIMs and doing gymnastics on the trampoline. Anything other than speaking parents or being tempted to play with playmobil which is of course too childish.

And that is the point, music, books, videos (me sitting here MNing) are just older people's versions of Lego. They are what we do to switch off from the world.

Most of the time that's fine and as long as your DD takes her earphones off long enough to discuss what needs to be discussed, in a day to day way, it's perfectly normal.

NoComet · 26/08/2013 18:07

Oh and does some homework, once school starts, of course.

MurderOfGoths · 26/08/2013 18:11

I'm 29 and will still resort to loud music through headphones when I'm struggling.

Original poster
JessLouise · 26/08/2013 18:18

Do not get me started on Imagine Dragons I beg you. Radioactive is the most aggravating song I have ever heard. Of course DD loves it!

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