Do I let my 13 yr old DD have too much alone time

[imustbemadme]

My eldest is 13 yrs old and spends all her time in her room, sometimes she's reading or watching tv but most of the time she's on her laptop. We have taken parental control over the laptop so that it shut's down at 9pm and she get's some non screen time before bed and she's pretty much just accepted it without excessive complaining. She has no outside interests at all and won't join clubs as she hates everything, she doesn't even go out with her friends except for the very odd occasion.

We bought her an expensive longboard (like a skateboard) so she could skate with her friends and she's done that 2 or 3 times, but when I was young we were outside all the time. I sometimes think that at least when she's here I know where she is and what she's doing but am sure it's not normal. I nag her sometimes to do something with her life but then wonder if I should just let her get on with it?

Any advice please.

Laptop out of bedroom and earn screen-time? Thats what we do and sometimes works

I was like that as a teenager. I was just introverted and needed a lot of time alone - and I'm 24 now and I haven't changed! I hate being in groups and hanging out with people outside of work or school was like my worst nightmare. I wouldn't say it's abnormal - some people are just quiet and don't like being around a lot of people.

I know you said that you have parental control with it shutting down but do you have control over adult content?

Do you know what sites she is visiting - chat sites etc?

DD does quite a bit of sport and socialising, but when she is in the house she is generally in her room on the laptop (on FB/Youtube/whatever) and phone. And from talking to all my mum-friends, so are their DC, so I think it's very normal for them to want to have a bit of alone time!

Has she changed from when she was primary-aged or has she always been a home-bird?

Might be worth encouraging her to invite her friends around more, whether after school with tea thrown in or at weekends. My daughter has someone here at least twice a week, admittedly they are usually messing around on the computer, but at least it's company and someone to talk to.

My dd is the same. She is on line chatting to her friends, so in a way she is socialising. Could she join some school clubs? Dd does a couple, and they are active ones, so at least she gets some exercise.

I used to always hang out in my room. The only tv in the house was in the living room.and Time Team really wasnt my bag!! Does she come.down for meal times and do you spend time out of the house together?

Do you actively encourage her to have friends round so that she can socialise at home. My son is an only child and when he was younger I
was very pro him having friends round.

My 13 year old DD is very similar. She comes straight home from school and won't do any after school clubs, or out of school activities in the evening or weekends. Admittedly she doesn't spend all her time in her room, prefering to do stuff round the house with me. I've tried to encourage her to invite friends round, join in any meet ups friends might be having at weekends but she doesn't seem to want to, so i've stopped nagging her about it. She has mentioned friendship issues at school ( groups forming and reforming ) and I think she finds it all a bit stressfull, and is happy to escape to a quiet house ( she's an only child ) away from it all. I'v decided to just enjoy the fact she likes being at home ( with me ) and we go swimming at weekends together. I'm sure in a few years she'll want to be out and about with friends, and then i'll wish she was at home more.

Sounds like me as a teen

As an adult I do some activities and see friends but if I haven't had a weekend of doing nothing for a few weeks I start to really need one. If I'm staying at a friends house I still need to have alone time at some point every day.

Encourage her to show/ tell you what she looks at online, make sure it's age appropriate although I'm guessing you have parental controls on the Internet too ?

Talk about what her friends do after school or at weekends and see if she'd like to try any of them even as a one off. Or look around at the more obscure clubs invade she's missing something because she's not doing the obvious ones. Indoor climbing, ice hockey, surfing, medieval re-enactment etc

My DD is like this she is 14 and has been like it a while

She goes out a lot too or has friends over.

I feel quite bereft she never wants to spend a nano second in my company but am trying to accept its her age

DS got around the internet shut off by going into the latop's BIOS and changed the time so he could still get online.

He is 14 and is like your DD, but he does go out. Just not as much as I did when I was young. Back then we didn't have mobile phones or internet messaging. The only way to speak to your mates was to meet up in person.

I think times have changed a bit. It's funny, because I talk to my mates more over the internet now and have friends online.

You could have written that about my dd. Same age and same issues. Won't go out, no hobbies, hates all sports. It concerned and I tried to get her out but to no avail and have now just discovered she has been seeing a councillor in school as she is so down, and cutting herself. I'm not saying your daughter is the same but maybe keep an eye on her as I thought everything was fine and I've just had a massive wake up call. At this age parents are the last to know anything