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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should we take this boy in?

123 replies

CoolStoryBro · 04/05/2013 15:21

Hi. My 16 year old's son's friend is having a really tough time. Both of his parents have died and he's been staying with a relative. Naturally, the poor kid is pretty messed up and it hasn't been a smooth transition. It's all culminated in his relative saying he has to leave.

Ds has asked if he stay with us "for a while". I was just wondering if anyone had any experience of this. Did it work? I have 3 other younger children, so I am worried about the impact on them too.

Obviously my heart says reach out to this boy and we have plenty of room and can offer him some stability while he sorts himself out, but my head is saying, "Eeek!"

Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
neolara · 09/05/2013 18:29

You've brought a tear to my eye. Good luck. It's a wonderful thing you are doing.

secretscwirrels · 09/05/2013 18:33

Flowers What a wonderful, generous, selfless thing to do.
You know where to come if you need support and please come back and tell us how it goes Smile

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/05/2013 18:36

Oh good for you. I know someone like this and he was taken in by a family.

He ended up married to the daughter.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 09/05/2013 18:39

What a wonderfuly kind thing to do.

I hope it goes well for you all.Flowers

HighJinx · 09/05/2013 18:42

You sound lovely OP Flowers

I hope it all works out for everyone.

Original poster
CoolStoryBro · 09/05/2013 22:54

Awwww. You're all too kind! It's not completely altruistic. Think how many hours in the car I'll save now I don't have to give DS a lift to his friends' house!! Wink

I certainly think the Teenagers board will be my new MN home with 3 of them in the house!

So, today I went out and bought new bedding (the guest bedding wasn't very 16yo boyish!), towels, etc. I also found a cute desk on Craigslist which I pick up tomorrow. Got to show we're serious about him keeping up with his schoolwork! Then he's moving in on Saturday.

Talk about a life changing few days!!

And, thanks again for the kind words. It's been really lovely to read and only strengthens the feeling that we're doing thd right thing.

OP posts:
ladymariner · 09/05/2013 23:54

Well done you, what an amazing and totally generous thing to do.....looking forward to your updates, and got everything crossed it all works out brilliantly for you all xxx

Monty27 · 10/05/2013 00:19

Cool I so hope this goes really well for your family. You have demonstrated such humanity and I really hope it's successful and fulfilling for all.

Kudos to all who have done it and other similar things.

Flowers

We'll be here for you too, I have a ds of 17 so have a fair bit of experience :)

AcrylicPlexiglass · 10/05/2013 00:29

Good luck to you all. Like others I think it's a lovely thing to do. xxxx

AThingInYourLife · 10/05/2013 00:38

What a wonderful thing you are doing.

I hope it works out well for all of you :)

Thumbwitch · 10/05/2013 00:42

Bless you, you've brought a tear to my eye - what wonderfully kind people you are. Thanks

From the point of view of how you manage with him, I think the best thing you can do for him is to treat him exactly the same way as you would your own son - same rules, same punishments, same everything (with some allowance for his grief state, but not too much) - it will make him feel like he's part of the family rather than "some poor boy who needs kid glove handling". Anything that creates a level of "normality" (in as much as it can under the circs) will help to settle him. I hope he and his grandma can work things out - I'm sure they will be able to when they've had some space from each other.

mindfulmum · 10/05/2013 00:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElizaDoLots · 10/05/2013 09:37

What a tear-jerker. Good luck OP - I think you're amazing.

FuckThisShit · 10/05/2013 09:46

Wow what a wonderfully kind and generous family. Such a heartwarming post and thread to read. Thanks

foofooyeah · 10/05/2013 09:52

Just wanted to say I do hope it all goes ok. Yes there will be 'moments' - but I hope there will be a lot of good times too.

SanityClause · 10/05/2013 10:00

Cool, Neil Morrissey recently did a couple of programs about how he had been in care from about 10. If it hadn't been for a school friend's family taking him in at about 16 or 17, he would not have been able to stay in the 6th form, and would never have been an actor.

You are giving this boy a fantastic chance. Flowers

libertyflip · 10/05/2013 10:04

Well done and good luck to you all.

NigelMolesworth · 10/05/2013 11:03

What a wonderful thing to to. I wish you and your family all the best.

bootsycollins · 11/05/2013 08:31

coolbro that's brilliant news, you really are doing an amazing thing. I hope he settles in quickly and that you all enjoy welcoming your new family member. Please keep us updated, good luck to you x

claudedebussy · 11/05/2013 08:37

amazing.

you are changing this boy's life for the better. there should be more people in the world like you. Flowers

CoffeePleaseSir · 11/05/2013 08:46

This is a wonderful thread.
Op I hope it works out for you all & well done for stepping up for a boy who sounds so lost.

CouthyMow · 11/05/2013 08:51

I think contacting Winston's Wish on the boy's behalf would be a good idea. They really helped me to deal with the grief from losing my Father when I was 10.

WinkyWinkola · 11/05/2013 08:55

Cool story, you are brilliant. Lucky boy to have you and your dh on his team. He stands a far better chance of happiness in life now.

toomuch2young · 11/05/2013 09:01

How brilliant, hope the moving in goes ok OP, good luck with everything.
Flowers

MrsMeg · 11/05/2013 09:06

We are doing it too - our daughters boyfriend has been thrown out of the family home by his stepdad.

He's a lovely boy, very bright, very polite and caring, motivated.

It's tricky because he and DD are young (17 and 16) but he has no other family and we said yes in a heartbeat.