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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Will the worries NEVER end. (Light hearted - sort of)

26 replies

Doinmummy · 10/04/2013 16:21

Friend of DD15has just passed his driving test. DD skipping about singing Yay ! I'll never have to walk anywhere again. I'm sitting here thinking bugger , how do I stop her getting in a car with him.

I'm not saying all 17 year olds drive like maniacs . But don't all 17 year olds drive like maniacs ??

She's been lovely lately ( have had trouble with her in the past) and don't want to spoil the fun but ....... Shall I sneak round to his house and knobbly the car?

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Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/04/2013 16:22

knobble not knobbly

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LineRunner · 10/04/2013 16:31

I don't blame you for worrying. I was in two car smashes as a teenager, both being driven by 17/18 year olds who were simply going too fast round corners. My DD is 17 and they are all starting to learn to drive and ride mopeds and scooters and yet they seem like toddlers with some of their other behaviour.

Thank God seatbelts are compulsory.

What are actually going to do, Doinmummy?

LineRunner · 10/04/2013 16:32

What are you actually going to do

Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/04/2013 16:48

I don't think there's anything I can actually do is there ? Have drummed into her to wear a seat belt and to tell him to slow down if he goes too fast.

I did think about getting a spray can and changing all the speed limit signs to 5MPH.

Or dressing up as a policeman and lurking on street corners with a hair dryer doing " speed checks"

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LineRunner · 10/04/2013 16:50

I like the hairdryer idea.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 10/04/2013 16:54

If I forbid her going in the car then I think that will lead to more probs with our relationship, she has been honest with me re asking if she can go in the car which is a massive step forward for us.

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LineRunner · 10/04/2013 18:17

I agree. I think you should get a definite agreement about the seatbelt-wearing, telling the driver to slow down, and keeping in touch. And check he has insurance. And do that thing with the speed signs.

LineRunner · 10/04/2013 18:18

Maybe not the thing with the speed signs.

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 10/04/2013 22:56

Could you at least try and get your DD to agree not to go in her friends car late at night?

17 year old drivers are pretty crap.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 11/04/2013 01:12

I've said she can go in it IF they are going somewhere, not just driving round 'cruising'. He has got insurance . He's a nice lad but at 17 the temptation to show off is quite strong I would guess.

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chocoluvva · 12/04/2013 16:39

The scariest statistics are for young, new drivers with passengers.....

Talk to your DD's friend. The choco household is coming into this now too - so far just the one driver. When my 16YO DD first asked if it would be okay for him to drive her to the cinema (in the city centre) I said no and she was okay, but I know it's very difficult if your DD doesn't understand your fears.

DD does now go out in his car, but only after he himself asked if it would be okay and said all the right things about driving safely - including that his DF had advised him that if he was ever thinking about doing something stupid to do it when he was on his own in the car. He also confessed to having had a couple of scrapes in his car. I don't know how I'd be if he had only just passed though (he's nine months into driving).

DD and another friend were discussing whose car they would go in when their friends have passed their tests. They agreed they'd be driven by some but not all of their friends.

On the other hand, my SIL trusts her 15YO DD to decide for herself whether her friends are safe....

Does your DD need lifts IYNWIM?

Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 17:09

She doesn't 'need' a lift . Although they went to another village the other day to watch football and needed a lift there and back ,so I guess there will be occasions where a car is handy.

I have spoken to the lad about him carrying my precious cargo and he took it all in. His dad is a police officer and he said he has laid the law down ( pardon the pun) .

I agree that it's when the new driver has passengers they get a bit showy offy.

Mind you, my ex was in his 40's and drove like an idiot with the children in the car.

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chocoluvva · 12/04/2013 18:00

It all depends on the individual doesn't it? DH and I have a friend who's a verrrry scary driver.

There are actual statistics about the occupants of cars involved in accidents and the biggest risk is when the driver is young, male, a new driver and carrying passengers, after 11pm.

Your DD's friend sounds likes he's sensible though. His dad will have seen and heard lots of horror stories so you'd think that would help.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 18:48

I just have to hope that he's sensible. I have said no to her going in the car at night though.

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landofsoapandyoni · 12/04/2013 19:00

I'm going to speak up on behalf of young drivers.

I have an 18 yo who passed his test in December, most of his friends have passed their tests too. IME, with DS1 and his friends, they are very, very unlikely to speed because they (or their parents) have invested a lot of money in getting their license and if they get 6 points in the first 2 years, they have their license revoked and they have to go though the whole process.

I know statistically they are more likely to have an accident, and 1:3 young males crash within 2 years of passing their test, but that also means 2:3 don't.

DS1 rarely goes out at night, he still isn't overly confident in the dark, and if he does go the only passenger he does take is DS2. I have banned them from having the radio on after dark, I keep taking him out to build up his confidence and he is doing Pass Plus with his old instructor soon.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 19:19

That's good to know Land . Thankyou for the reassurance. I know I seem to be tarring all youngsters with the same brush and I'm sure most new drivers are very protective of their hard won/ expensive licence .

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Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 19:20

The radio being off is a very good idea.

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TheWave · 12/04/2013 19:25

And maybe only going in the car when there is only the 2 of them could be a rule? I do think 1xgf better than full car of teenagers.

Talk through the alcohol thing. Would you be able to reassure her that you would pick her up any time if she felt he had been drinking? Or what she should do?

chocoluvva · 12/04/2013 19:27

I nearly crashed a few months after passing my test while listening to particularly good music.

It's a tough call isn't it?

Does your DD understand the importance of not distracting the driver?

Apparently our roads are safer than they used to be.

chocoluvva · 12/04/2013 19:28

I nearly crashed a few months after passing my test while listening to particularly good music.

It's a tough call isn't it?

Does your DD understand the importance of not distracting the driver?

Apparently our roads are safer than they used to be.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 19:34

She knows ill pick her up from anywhere at any time, I think the lad is fairly sensible though and I have told her not to muck about in the car while he is driving.

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chocoluvva · 12/04/2013 19:59

Well, you seem very sensible about it to me.

(Disclaimer - I've taken exactly the same line with my DD, so I would say that :o )

I'm always reminding her that I'll pick her up at any time if need be - we had a code word if she was uncomfortable about being in earshot of her companion/s.

Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 20:04

A code word is a very good idea. I know it's embarrassing for DD if I dare to phone her and she's in earshot if her mates! And I'd hate for her to be stuck in an awkward/ dangerous situation all because of a bit of embarrassment .

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Original poster

Doinmummy · 12/04/2013 20:13

I was a new driver and mounted the pavement, narrowly missing a tree - I'd been fiddling with the tape deck .

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secretscwirrels · 13/04/2013 14:48

I have a 17 year old DS about to take his test and he has friends all doing the same. I don't think I am going to sleep for the next two years.
There is a government proposal to impose stringent restrictions on young new drivers.
In Northern Ireland for example, novice motorists must carry an R-plate and are not allowed to drive faster than 45 mph until they have been driving for a year.
The UK proposals go further, they include a 12 month minimum learning period and a ban on carrying passengers other than close family for the first year. Won't be in time for DS1 though.

I have told DS I don't want him giving lifts to friends or going in their cars. I know how distracting it is for me to have a car full of 17 year old boys let alone an inexperienced driver. Not to mention the showing off factor.

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