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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you give your 17 year olds a curfew?

16 replies

HelenDaniels · 08/04/2013 13:56

For some reaso 17 seems a lot older than 16.

DD passed her test recently and it seems a bit daft that she is old enough to drive a car around but still asks what time she needs to be in.

She texts me at around 10 sometimes and says 'can I stay out til midnight'. And I just text back of course.

I know where she is (around a friend or boyfriend's house, not driving around aimlessly) and she doesn't stay out late on a school night. I am just getting to the point where I say that she makes up her own mind whatever time she gets in but just wondered what everyone else does.

OP posts:
secretscwirrels · 08/04/2013 16:13

Well I think it's reasonable to know when they are coming home so that you can worry when they are late. A curfew is not quite the same thing.

BackforGood · 08/04/2013 16:17

Like Secret - it's not about saying "by x time" so much as knowing where they are / when they expect to be back. I've always had that rule though.
ds isn't quite 17 yet (Summer Birthday) so I don't know if it makes a difference, but can't think it would.

NotSoNervous · 08/04/2013 16:19

When I was 17 and passed my test I didn't have a time to be in. I would text my mum saying im with xx ill be home around xx sometimes but not all the time.

Bowlersarm · 08/04/2013 16:22

My 17 year old DS lives away during the week and is at home at the weekend. It would probably be unreasonable for us to put a curfew on him as we have no controls over what he is up to during the week. However, as I am a worrier he is good about coming home when he says he will etc.

Incidentally he has a fairly new girlfriend also 17 who stays with us most weekends. Her parents met DH once when he picked DS up from her house but I find it strange that they entrust us with her care but have never been over to meet us, see where we are etc. maybe it's because they are fairly grown-up and you have to give them trust by that sort of age?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 08/04/2013 16:24

I was pretty much the same as you, so long as I knew what time to expect them back there was no curfew. To me it's courtesy that we all let each other know what time we'll be back by so no-one is up worrying about us.

Shodan · 08/04/2013 16:47

No curfew, but I do ask him what time he's likely to be in and to make sure his phone is on. He came back very late one night but sent texts to let us know what was going on.

He and his friends are generally quite sensible though and tend to party at each other's houses, so no big concerns.

I did worry a bit that I was a bit lax, due to my mother being a complete over-the-top histrionic about curfews, but all seems to be ok so far.

BIWI · 08/04/2013 16:59

DS2 is only just 18. He is only allowed to go out at the weekend - not because we're especially over-bearing, but this has been as a long-term 'punishment' for lack of college work, poor performance and poor AS results. It's also to keep his dope-smoking to a minimum, as this was something that we were very concerned about.

But even when he is out, he does have to be home by an agreed time. Usually it's midnight. More often than not though, on a Friday, he will stay over at a friend's.

It's really difficult to let them go, treat them like grown ups but also keep a watch over them. Happily for us, DS2 goes along with this seemingly very willingly. He know that if he says he will be home by a certain time, then he has to be home by that time.

FuckThisShit · 08/04/2013 17:02

No curfew here either. Only rule is that they had/have to let me know what time they'll be back, or if they're staying out. My older children are 19, 18 and 16 now.

I've never had any issues with them and I think part of that is my laxness seems to make them accept without question that when I've said no, then it's for a very good reason.

Original poster
HelenDaniels · 08/04/2013 17:24

Thanks very much. It's reassuring that I am not as slack as I think I am!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/04/2013 17:25

Mine never had curfews at 17, they were good at texting to let me know if they were staying out though.

shrimponastick · 08/04/2013 17:29

As my DS is on ly 15 I haven't had to set a curfew yet.

However, at 17 I would say that as long as they keep you updated on their whereabouts and eta that is sufficient. I don't think you can force a 17 yo to be home by a certain time.

I shudder when I think back to my late night shenanigans at 17. (before mobile phones too!)

Sugarice · 09/04/2013 09:24

No curfew here either for ds1-17.

He came back at 1.10 am the other night and I didn't stay awake and didn't hear him come in Blush. I've found that once one friend learns to drive they're never home.

He was stealth like opening the door and coming up the creaky stairs but dh heard him come in thankfully.

Cerisier · 11/04/2013 05:49

We don't have curfews for DD1 17 either. We like to know where she is and an eta, but are happy if she texts if arrangements change.

mrsjay · 11/04/2013 12:08

she is sensible and mature enough to let you know what time she will be in, I never did curfews althoygh dd was still at school at 17 so I did like her in no later than 10 30 on a school night but apart from that as long as I knew she was safe and ok and what time she would be home then that was fine, My mum was also OTT about curfews and i was grounded at 17 for staying out at a party I was working bloody full time Shock

bruffin · 11/04/2013 12:14

DS 17 has no curfew but like others just like to know when he will be home. He has a gf who drives but she doesn't like driving too late

nemno · 11/04/2013 12:15

I wouldn't suggest a curfew either. Now that she is driving you really really don't want to make her speed up to be home on time.

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