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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenagers - what do yours do?

44 replies

figroll · 11/05/2006 10:08

I am asking this because my dd is 14 and seems to just want to go on the computer to chat with friends or watch tv. She is very good and does all her homework first, of course(!), but doesn't seem that bothered about going out with her friends. She seems happy to be with us. Now you may think that I should be pleased about this, but I feel she should be going out with her friends more. She will occasionally go shopping on a Saturday with them, but otherwise hardly sees them (except at school). She tells me that she has had enough by the time she gets home and isn't too bothered about seeing them all the time.

Is this normal behaviour? Her friends don't seem to go out much either - may be I am just worrying unnecessarily. I don't want her hanging about the streets with a can of cider either.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 11/05/2006 12:17

My DS is also 14 and spends what seems like every waking hour on the computer. He goes on some on-line game called Runescape where he plays with a friend from school. At least if he was msn chatting, he would get some interaction from others. But he never asks to go out or to have friends round. He only visits this one friend if invited, but he never makes the first move. I am beginning to think he is a bit strange... almost autistic.

zippitippitoes · 11/05/2006 12:19

I would say make the most of it..if she's happy

SexyUndiesLady · 11/05/2006 12:23

Mine doesn't hang out with friends really.. we don't live in the town he goes to school. He sometimes goes to his school friends houses.. or they come here.. but that's by arrangement as they need lifts etc.

Other than that, he spends his time tormenting his siblings, goes on his PS2, trampolining in the garden, homework (minimal!).. or at swimming club.

I sometimes wonder if he 'should' have some 'home friends' but am not anxious to see him loitering as so many of his age do (nearly 14) so am not too concerned.

He is popular at school with a large female following (!)

I was similar to your DD at 14 Figroll, I don't think she sounds odd or unsociable or anything.

fairyjay · 11/05/2006 12:27

Neither of my kids (dd 13, ds 14) seem to socialise a great deal out of school, although they are both popular and have many friends.

Maybe we do far more as a family now than you did when I was a kid, so they can't fit it all in!

So long as they're not spending all of their spare time on the computer or tv, I'm sure it's alright.

I suppose in 3/4 years when they learn to drive, we'll all be wondering when we next going to see them (and our cars!)

2shoes · 11/05/2006 12:46

my ds used to "play " out but never does now. comes home tv/msn/computor reads abook eats junk... thats about it (does help with ds(sn))he's 14

Miriam2 · 11/05/2006 13:00

It might suddenly change. My ds (14) was similar but about 6 months ago suddenly took to going out ALL THE TIME. AFAIK (!) they are doing things I'd approve of, swimming, bowling, park for a kick-a-round, cinema occasionally. Always during the day though, hols or weekends. TBH he winds dd up so much if he's here that it's a bit of peace!

Original poster

figroll · 11/05/2006 13:02

Oh my giddy aunt - Moon66 - another Runescape addict! I thought my dd was the only one totally addicted to it - she never goes on MSN but spends most of her time chatting to total strangers on Runescape - they have a "gang" and walk around doing quests and so on. She also talks to her friends on it.

I am pleased that she wants to spend time with us - I suppose I wouldn't be happy if she was out with her mates all the time. Glad to hear she isn't the only hermit amongst 14 year olds. She too has lots of friends at school and seems very popular - she just says she has had enough by the time she gets home and wants to relax. May be I am the one who also needs to relax!

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themoon66 · 11/05/2006 13:06

Wow - I never knew girls were on Runescape!! Perhaps he IS interacting ok after all. I've sort of looked over his shoulder sometimes, and the whole thing is a mystery to me. I know it involves waiting around for things to 'load' during which time he gets cross and frustrated. And he sneaks down in the middle of the night sometimes to play. Last time he said 'you don't understand, I just HAVE to earn enough to buy a cannon'!!

Original poster

figroll · 11/05/2006 13:14

My dd is one of the few girls, so she has boys asking if she wants to be their girlfriend!! I laughed (and she did). She just says that she can't have an animation as a boyfriend, so she isn't interested. I actually think she has quite a healthy attitude to Runescape and can see it for what it is, but I think some take it very seriously indeed. It is a bit like a cross between the Sims and the Lord of the Rings. There isn't any bad language on it either, because the program blocks it, which is good, I suppose. I do control the amount of time she is on it though, because I think it could take over.

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themoon66 · 11/05/2006 13:19

But DS always finds some excuse to squeeze another 10 mins on there, even after i've told him its 15 mins past his bedtime. There always seems to be some deadline he has to meet or something that will 'only take a minute'. Like I said... in the school hols and weekends, I've caught him sneaking downstairs at 3am. He says he is thirsty, but I've noticed the light flashing on the laptop, so I know he's switched it on. I wonder if he's talking to your DD LOL. I think he calls himself 'Toast King' or similar.

Original poster

figroll · 11/05/2006 13:57

Toast King - I will tell her to look out for him - but I don't think she would be on at 3 am (or at least I hope not, but who knows!) We have the - only another minute - I am just at a crucial point, etc, etc.

I am hoping it is just another craze - 2 years ago it was Neopets - then it was MSN and now it is Runescape. I suppose I would have done the same.

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themoon66 · 11/05/2006 14:06

Ah yes - my DS went through the neopet stage a couple of years ago too. He only sits up late Runescaping when its the hols. He will be straight in from school and on there by 4.45pm every school day though. Even when the weather is as lovely as it is today. The only thing that will tempt him away is if I offer to have a game of badminton over the washing line with him

bogwobbit · 11/05/2006 21:09

figroll,

as Miriam says, she might change although tbh she sounds fine to me.
My dd1 was very much like yours when she was 14- was very happy staying in and we worried a bit about her too. At age 16 and after sitting Standard Grades she changed completely and was hardly ever in. We worried about that too :)

themoon66 · 12/05/2006 09:38

Figroll - spoke to DS last night. Says, yes there are quite a few girls on Runescape. His name is apparently Toasty (I got it wrong yesterday).

Tortington · 12/05/2006 10:27

my 13 yo ds does runescape.

the other one which really fucks me off is habbo hotel - where the aim is to buy furniture - it like a little capitalist game.

my ds had a JOB on this game - he had to go on at certains times becuase someone else said and do what they said like a little slave on the promise that they would give him payment in "furni" or furniture - which is the aim of the game.

anyway the amount of times he is in tears YES TEARS becuase somefriend at school stole his furni ( cos he told them his password ffs) or he didnt get online payment - drives me mad. however i like to shove him outside playing out and getting into real fights is what life is about.

my dd - msn, e mail and bbc sites with games on - she has very sensible friends! however she never goes out except to town ocasionally. or with us. shes a true homebody - drives me nuts.

oldest ds goes to GFs everynight. never see him - hes discovered sex

themoon66 · 12/05/2006 10:35

DS used to do Habbo Hotel a couple of years back, but lost interest. Runescape frustrates him to tears sometimes, mainly because our computer is old and slow and not up to the job. To be honest, I don't really take a lot of notice what's on screen, but it seems to be little people moving around a map or something. Occasionally I'll say 'so what ya up to?' And I get an answer like 'teaching somebody in australia how to earn enough to buy a cannon'. Hmmm... I'll just go away then LOL.

Original poster

figroll · 12/05/2006 14:02

We had some of these tears over their friends pinching everything out of their inventory on Neopets. It even ended some of these friendships - incredible really, but my dd says it shows you who you can trust and who you can't trust. It also teaches them not to be so bloody stupid and tell everyone their password - if it was the PIN number on their cashpoint card I would be so annoyed.

Sounds like I am worrying about nothing then. She is a really hard working sort of girl - does all her homework and revises for exams and everything!!! Incredible. I never did a stroke of work until I panicked over my degree - but I haven't told her that!

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themoon66 · 12/05/2006 14:43

wish I could get DS to do some revision. He has exams the week after next and school have written to all parents telling us to make sure they revise, get enough sleep etc. I said to DS 'so are you gonna revise?' 'No' he says... 'coz I know everything anyway'. I said 'ah, but what if you've forgotten bits'. His answer was 'well when I see the questions, that will jog my memory'. Grrrr - they have an answer for everything at that age!! Am going to threaten removal of computer and runescape if grades come out crap.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 12/05/2006 14:45

What do my teenagers do....

Ask for money
Want lifts everywhere
Ask for money
Eat me out of house and home
Ask for money
Run up massive phone bills
Ask for money
Hog the PC

Oh and

Ask for money

Bumblelion · 12/05/2006 14:54

My DD is 13 and it is only recently that she has started to have a bit of a social life. She is best friends with the form captain who is a lovely, friendly, sociable, outgoing girl. She seems to have brought out the best in my DD who has always been a bit self conscious, shy and not very confident. Every 4-6 weeks or so our local hall has a "gig" where young up and coming bands play. The first time my DD went was just before Christmas. It starts at 7 and ends at 10.30 but it is very closely supervised, aimed at children 12-17 (but more mature 12 year olds). Either me or her friend's mum always drop the girls off and meet them afterwards (they normally end up staying at one or the other's house to make it easier).

Sometimes my DD also goes to the park after school with her friends to just sit around and chat. She won't come to the park with me because that is uncool. The group of friends she hangs around with are what I would call "nice" children. They are always very polite to me, they are not intimidating although two of the boys look a bit strange (long black hair and painted finger nails) but apparently that's good! She sometimes goes to the shops with her friends.

She would love me to have her internet connection set up again but I disconnected the phone socket in her bedroom (the loft). She was previously on pay as you go internet connection through my work's fax line but I then realised my company might start wondering why my home fax/phone bill was so high!

Every day now when she comes home from school all she keeps saying to me is "mum, I know I keep asking, but when I can I have my internet back". I always seem to say "soon" but I must get round to it for her.

izzybiz · 12/05/2006 15:58

goes out, moans, slams doors, tries to get out of homework, room tidying etc.
wants money, wants credit on his phone, worries me silly!
BUT, i wouldnt change him for the world!!

Milliways · 12/05/2006 21:48

DD (15) does mainly homework! Hours of it, but lots of coursework due in soon it seems.

She does like MSN, Beebo & The Sims. She plays on a few school sports teams, does badminton once a week & Duke Of Edinburgh Awards.

DS (10) is another Runescape addict! He has loads of after school activities but secondary school may wekk kill some of those next year!

themoon66 · 12/05/2006 21:54

I'm on DH's work laptop coz DS is on our home computer... glued to bloody Runescape.

QE · 12/05/2006 21:58

dd is 14 and 2 nights per week she goes to Army Cadets. Some weekends (not many) she goes to town with friends or meets up at the park or cinema. Occasionally she will meet at friends houses or at home. Much of her time is spent with us as a family too and she seems very happy with that.

I think there is too much pressure sometimes for kids to be active all the time when they do just want to veg out and unwind from a hard week at school.

Make the most of it if she is happy as the day will come when you will complain that you hardly see her!!

Original poster

figroll · 13/05/2006 13:26

I think as parents we worry if they are out all the time, and worry if they aren't out all the time. I am glad that she does all her school work - seems to be doing very well at school with brilliant grades in all her stuff, so I shouldn't grumble. I just thought that 14 year olds went out a bit more than ours. She never seems to want to do anything at all. I am happy if she stays this way at least until she does her GCSEs. I know that when she goes into 6th form she may change and go out more. She also wants to do the Duke of Edinburgh and I think that will be a really good experience for her.

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