some one please tell me I have done the right thing

[devientenigma]

DD (15) was meant to keep in touch as she was going straight to her BF from school as I was in a meeting.

The last text I got from her was 'waiting for the bus' .

After the meeting, DH and I went to pick up our DS from his nannas, while he was driving I kept texting and ringing DD.

Now there's been a rape and a murder recently in our area so obviously our mind went into overtime.

So we went straight to the BF's to see if she was there and as she was we told her to come home as she is grounded for not replying.

She does have attention problems and although it's no excuse, her 1st reply was 'I forgot'.

Now the meltdown is huge, typically, she's banging and crashing through the house, shouting and kicking off.

Please tell me what I done wasn't OTT. She has been warned before in the past for not answering her phone.

Thanks.

I don't think it was OTT at all and I have a 16 year old.
The telling me that she was waiting for the bus when all the time she was sat at her best friend's house would be enough to make me cross without the not answering the phone on top.

No, you weren't OTT. if she's old enough to have a boyfriend, she's old enough to keep you informed of her whereabouts. Her tantrum is purely showing she's too immature to be trusted. I would have done the same (um, what you did, not the tantrum).

Ignore her. When she calms down, tell her the same thing will happen if she ever ignores your calls/texts again. Personally, I'd ground her for a couple of days as well.

Thanks, didn't know if the recent events had made me OTT. She is grounded tomorrow also, as well as having to tidy and clean her shit tip bedroom. Something else she doesn't manage well. Memory and organisation are not her best skills. She's now a bit calmer and I have told her it will happen again if she forgets to keep in touch, there is no excuse for safety and whereabouts.

Devil's advocate ... If there hadn't been a rape and murder nearby, would you have been so twitchy? Cos she can't control that nor your reaction to it.

And you admit she has memory issues.

Maybe it will all look better in the morning. Wine anyone?! :)

But she was where she said she was going to be though not somewhere else so maybe a little bit over the top to drag her home. It's not like she was somewhere else entirely?!? I'd say the shame of being dragged home would be enough to remind her in future tho

Yes you did the right thing, I'm willing to bet being dragged home and a grounding will help focus her memory in future.

You are right, that's the condition that my two were let out into the world.
Let me know where you are, if plans change, update me, and if I ring or text respond.
I didn't hassle them, and the response was often but enough to let me know all was well.
She may have forgotten to text you, DS would as well. But not responding?
Consequences!

You weren't ott imo and I would be exactly the same. She may have memory issues and forget to text you back but that doesn't explain why she didn't answer her ringing phone. We provided DD with a mobile phone at that age for our peace of mind and her security, not as a sole means of socialising with her mates. We have had the 'I forgot' 'I didn't hear it' lines and we told her if she didn't keep in touch with us, her phone would be confiscated and if she had no phone to keep in touch with us, she wouldn't be allowed out!