Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

Is 14 young to be having sex??

13 replies

Nellieclare · 07/03/2013 12:19

My son is 14 - he is in a relationship with a lovely girl who is a year older. I found condoms in his bedroom yesterday - he knows I found them but we have not discussed it. I really would rather they weren't having sex but feel I can do little about it! Should I be worried or am I out of touch with things? I think he is too young to be having sex

OP posts:

nickstmoritz · 07/03/2013 12:26

oh, gosh, I think it is too young but I haven't had to face this one and others might be better placed. I do have DDs 14 and almost 16 and I would be shocked and sad if they were. They do go to all girls schools but I guess that is no guarantee of anything. I think you need to talk to him quietly and just make sure he is absolutely clear about the issues involved (they are both under age for one thing).

Original poster

Nellieclare · 07/03/2013 12:33

Absolutely nickstmoritz - I agree that I should point out to him that he is under age. They have been together for a year and I truly believe they think they will be together forever. I just feel sad that maybe it is seen as 'normal' amongst their peer group to have sex at a very young age. I dont know how to start the conversation off and I dont want him to think I am just angry -

OP posts:

Trills · 07/03/2013 12:35

Having condoms does not mean you are necessarily having sex.

Original poster

Nellieclare · 07/03/2013 12:42

I have thought of that - they were open but not sure if 'used' - sorry - that seems so crude! I did wonder if he has just been 'trying for size!'

OP posts:

JennyPiccolo · 07/03/2013 12:42

It is young but probably quite normal. I would have a chat to him about the importance of protection and really, about what is at stake. Condoms show he's at least being sensible about things, and it doesn't necessarily mean they're having sex.

We were told at school that it was better to have condoms regardless of intentions, as teenagers do have a tendency to get carried away.

anchovies · 07/03/2013 12:42

Not at this point yet (thank goodness!) but I would just talk to him :)

chocoluvva · 07/03/2013 12:50

Apparently the 'official' statistics for underage sex are that 25% of children have had sex by the time they're 16. So it's not all that common.

nickstmoritz · 07/03/2013 12:52

I think I would have to have a chat. Pick a good time, go for a pizza together or something and talk it through. I would try and encourage them to wait if it hasn't already happened and if it has then you have to discuss things.
Do you know her mum?? Could this be something you could talk about with her or my other thought was whether his dad is someone that could talk to your DS?? Things have changed. I was 17 my first time but I remember getting dumped at 16 because I wouldn't.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/03/2013 12:53

I think it's too young, but if they're going to have sex, at least they can do it responsibly.

(Recalling school days when a classmate left at 14 to have a baby. She was meant to come back but apparently got pregnant again at 15 to the same guy)

Original poster

Nellieclare · 07/03/2013 12:56

Thanks for the advice - I do know her mum but not too well. Husband is brilliant with all other things but physically cringes if I suggest he speak to DS about such issues! I did ask husband how he would feel if it was his daughter!! Looks like it's down to me to have the conversation. Not looking forward to that!!

OP posts:

phantomhairpuller · 07/03/2013 13:07

I think it depends on the circumstances. I was 14 when I lost my virginity but was in a long term relationship. I don't regret it for a second. My best friend did it around the same time 'because everyone else was' and has regretted it ever since.
That said, I'm a long way off having to deal with this kind of situation with my own DCs, I may feel completely different then

DeafLeopard · 10/03/2013 13:49

There were lots of my schoolfriends having sex at 14 sadly, so it wasn't and isn't unusual. I would feel very sad though if DS was having sex.

Are you sure they were bought with the intention of having sex with his girlfriend?

I know boys used to buy them as a kind of bravado, and DS came home with a pack that they were given out in PHSE

gardeningangel · 16/03/2013 13:44

I have a step daughter who had had sex at 14, however the first time she did it, she used protection and did it in her bedroom. She said she wouldn't do it again as she regretted it. Now 6 months on, she has done it again with another boy unprotected, however when I asked her why she did it again, she said becuase she wanted too.

The most disappointing thing was she was unprotected, especially after the last time caused so much grief. But at the end of the day, she obviously wants to do it, and there is no amount of telling her that will change her mind.

So I think as long as both parties understand they are doing a very adult thing and should protect themselves and each other, then I don't think you can stop them.

I did it at 14, with a boy that I was seeing for a while and it is young, but I think the emphasis should be on talking to them so if they have any concerns and also educating them.

She is now going on the pill, and has promised that if it isn't covered up it doesn't happen!!

However, I did feel like hitting the roof, but realised that I needed to keep my cool because I know if she can talk to me, she will get better advice then getting it from her friends.

Flip