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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What age should you leave a teenager home alone overnight?

52 replies

purpleroses · 14/11/2012 22:02

DP and his ex are in dispute about whether his DD1 is old enough to be left alone at home overnight. To get some perspective, what age did you first/would you leave your teenager on their own a) overnight b) for a weekend and c) for a full week?

(teenager is normally sensible and reasonably mature but sociable and inclined to push boundaries.)

OP posts:

AtiaoftheJulii · 14/11/2012 22:16

We haven't yet, but I would leave my about to be 16 year old overnight. I'd leave the 14 year old tbh, but she probably wouldn't want to be left. We were actually talking about this today, and the 15 year old reckoned she'd be ok for 3 nights - guess we'd see how a night went before we left her for a weekend :-)

monstermissy · 14/11/2012 22:20

I've left my 15 year old overnight, he is very sensible and mature. A real home bird so I don't worry. His younger brother I don't think I will ever leave anywhere at any age lol but he's only 10 at the moment. Two very different kids. Depends on the child and if they wanted to be left.

vicster44 · 14/11/2012 22:20

I would probably leave for one night first to test the water - and agree 16 years old but it does depend on their maturity too

slambang · 14/11/2012 22:21

My teens (not necessarily anyone else's)
a) overnight - 16
b) for a weekend - 17?
c) full week - 18??? (but I don't think I'd be comfortable with leaving anyone alone in my house for a week even dh)

It would all depend on lots of who with/ why/ how etc etc.

out2lunch · 14/11/2012 22:22

17 or 18

webwiz · 14/11/2012 22:24

We left DD2 and DS overnight when they were 17 and 14. We considered leaving DS on his own for one night in a couple of weeks (he would be a few days off his 16th birthday) but we don't need to now.

I would not have even contemplated leaving DD1 in the house even when she was 18 as she would have invited goodness knows who round

AllDirections · 14/11/2012 22:26

For a sensible child;
14/15 overnight
15/16 for a weekend
16 and already left school for a week

mumblechum1 · 14/11/2012 22:27

a) overnight from 14.
b) weekend from 15 but with helpful neighbours
c) week from 16.5

But it was all a bit irrelevant as when he was 15 he travelled alone to the states, met up with a friend and they went wild camping for ten days in the Rockies with just a fishing rod, sharp knives and a spade and canoe and no humans for miles. Only bears . So leaving him in a Home Counties village with a full fridge and central heating wasn't exactly going to tax him too much

44SoStartingOver · 14/11/2012 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 14/11/2012 22:29

am amazed that some wouldn't do it until 17. I wonder if the issue is safety of the teen or worry that they will not be sensible in the house (party!)

I think I would at 15 overnight, not on school night. definitely would at 16, unless I didn't trust them not to trash the place!

How old is your dd?

steppemum · 14/11/2012 22:47

actually I think I would overnight earlier than that if I could trust them. Full week would depend on who was around to keep an eye on them (neighbour)

Original poster

purpleroses · 14/11/2012 23:02

She's 15. Doesn't want to do family holidays any more (with either parent). Her mum said in that case she could stay home on her own. She can be v mature but spends a lot of time out with mates - including vague hanging out in parks type of socialising. DP and I fear she'd likely host a party which could get out of hand. I also feel that during Easter hols when revising GCSEs you kind of need a bit more looking after than that - someone to cook meals, ask how revision's going, etc. We can have her here for the week at Easter but had plans to be away at the weekend so she could be alone just a couple of nights (though still time for a party....) The summer is unresolved.

OP posts:

mummytime · 14/11/2012 23:09

My kids have no choice about family holidays, eldest is 16. He has had a night alone, and I might also even trust him to babysit overnight. I would probably be less happy with the next one, 14 even when 15/16; but at present they would also be less happy.

steppemum · 14/11/2012 23:14

I have to say that by the time the summer comes she will be 16 (presumably) and been old enough to leave school, get married and have kids. I think by then she should be able to stay on her own for a week.

Think if the issue is if she will have a party, then it is more about sitting her down and giving her ground rules, and finding some way of keeping tabs.

LowLevelWhinging · 14/11/2012 23:21

cor that's a tricky one!

I was a reeeeally sensible teen (and I'm still sensible). But I had parties at the slightest opportunity at that age, so I would expect any teen of mine to.

I think it's very individual, but I'm guessing, if she's a park socialiser (as I was) they'd love the chance to be in a house. Is that unfair?

not that she's a bad 'un, or owt, just being realistic.

brighterfuture · 15/11/2012 06:14

We left ds + 2 friends 16 alone for 4 days this summer when he refused to come on holiday with us.
I had a close neighbour keep an eye on him.
I whiffed a scent of a party in the planning on the 3rd night so phoned ds to say that some friends of ours were travelling through and would be turning up to sleep over in their camping car Next day phoned to say they'd changed their minds.
To be fair the house was immaculate. They hadn't touched the food I'd left but had cooked an enormous pan full of pasta which seemed to sustain them the whole time

QuiteOldGal · 15/11/2012 06:31

16 - 17 for all, DS is quite mature and I must admit my main concern was he wouldn't get up for his part time job, so had to ring him early morning to make sure he was out of bed.

House was left immaculate each time, and the most he had done was had a few friends round for BBQ.

AllDirections · 15/11/2012 07:23

I left my sensible 16 year old for the weekend with an equally sensible friend and my lovely neighbours looking out for them as well as the friend's lovely parents being local. I would have left her at 15.

I agree though Purple I wouldn't leave a child when they're revising for their GCSEs because I would want to support them and 'look after' them.

lubeybooby · 15/11/2012 07:40

Depends on the child really and how sensible they are and how happy they are about being left, and if they have anyone they can go to or call in an emergency. I first left DD at 15 overnight. I encourage her to have one of her more sensible friends over.

She's 16 now and I would consider a weekend.

But I think they are maybe capable of more than we give them credit for - I was living in my own place with baby DD when I was 16. Successfully running a house and responsible for her full time and then from 17 all that plus work and study.

flow4 · 15/11/2012 08:22

My concern is not so much my DS, but his friends and acquaintances. Teenagers are not usually the most thoughtful of people, and can be opportunistic. They'd be delighted they had a house to hang out in, and would 'use' it - not maliciously but thoughtlessly. I have had alcohol and small items stolen by unsupervised teenage visitors, and they have taken drugs in my house despite a strict ban, and (worst of all) someone took a key and then used it some time later (when I was in fact at home) to burgle my house and steal the TV.

Because of this - the fears and the reality - I left my DS alone for 2 days last summer when he was 16 - before all of this - and then not again until last weekend, when I left him for a single night. He was fine and so was the house, each time. But other than that DS2 and I haven't had a holiday or a break for more than 2 years, because DS1 wouldn't come with us, and I didn't want to leave him home alone.

Funnily enough, I was happier when he was a bit younger. I left him overnight a couple of times when he was 15, when I had work away from home and he didn't want to stay with friends. There were no problems at all, and he got himself up and sorted for school, and fed, and didn't have friends round.

exoticfruits · 15/11/2012 08:28

I agree with lubeybooby.
I was quite happy leaving DSs- but not with the sort of pressure they would get from friends if they know they were home alone and for that reason I was unwilling to do it.

SecretSquirrels · 15/11/2012 17:14

16 for a night or a weekend. Maybe 17 for longer.And not with siblings.
Agree not at all just prior to GCSEs.
It depends where you live as well. We are rural so it means friends would struggle to get here and equally he would be stuck without transport.
I plan on enticing persuading them to come on holiday with us for as long as possible.

musicposy · 16/11/2012 23:48

Well, when DD1 was moaning about coming camping for a couple of days with us last year (at 15 1/2) I said she could stay at home if she wanted. In the end she came!

My 13 year old I wouldn't leave overnight, though today I had to leave her from 5.30am as I had to take DD1 to an exam in London, and she was fine.

We're too rural here to have parties without every single friend's parent knowing about it, unless they're going to go 4 miles on shanks pony to get here I also don't think my two would dare!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 17/11/2012 23:36

As far as they live at home, I'd expect them to come on family holidays tbh and not let them opt out. But we have left 17 and 15 year old together overnight and they've been fine. I'd be be happy now to leave them if dp and I had a weekend away, but for a 'family holiday' I'd expect them to be with us.

Auds12 · 18/11/2012 10:55

I left my 16 year old boy recently overnight . I was more worried than he was ! He is a sensible boy and to be honest he was looking forward to a night on his own ! I did call and text him a couple of times but he was absolutely fine. We are contemplating a weeks holiday next year and I'm worrying about leaving him for a week .... He will be 17 then ! .... As mums we just worry about them all the time no matter what the age !

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