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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My son has taken drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22 replies

SimplyObsessed · 04/10/2012 18:50

I AM SO ANGRY.

He's going to turn 21 next month, and is away at University. His friend put on his facebook page "Haha, thanks for sorting out my birthday the dope was top notch". I called him immediately to confront him and he played it down telling me it was just because it was a birthday, he told me he smoked lots of it that night!! I want to know where he got it from. The cannabis isn't even the worst bit, he was very open and told me that since he's been away he has taken speed, and really enjoyed it (!). I was expecting him to drink alcohol, not take drugs. I'm so angry.

What should I do? I'm very upset.

OP posts:

Anypointinseeingdoc · 04/10/2012 18:53

Tell him to get it off facebook for a start.

bigTillyMint · 04/10/2012 18:53

Not sure what to say - he is nearly 21, so hardly a teenager, but I don't blame you for being upset. Obviously worrying for you.

I'm sure someone with older offspring will be along soon.

TheOneWithTheHair · 04/10/2012 18:54

I'm not sure there's much you can do on a practical level. At 21 he's an adult but the fb status makes it sound like your ds supplied it. You need to have a serious talk to him about how public these status' are.

The problem is I doubt you can tell him anything of the dangers that he doesn't already know. You just have to keep expressing your disapproval in strong but calm way.

PinkMilkIsMyFavouriteAndMyBest · 04/10/2012 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SimplyObsessed · 04/10/2012 19:05

Yes he's an adult but he is acting like a child, i'm tempted to cut his funding if he is going to spend it on drugs. See how he manages living alone at the other end of the country without any money for a while! Should teach him some responsibility.

OP posts:

Original poster

SimplyObsessed · 04/10/2012 19:06

He said he wasn't dealing it, but that he bought it for him and his friend.

OP posts:

DameFanny · 04/10/2012 19:08

Or if he's already dealing he might decide he needs more money and diversify.

Don't do anything yet, calm down a bit and have a proper think.

but yes, remind him that employees will often check Facebook to see what sort of person they're interviewing, so he at least needs to practise discretion.

sassytheFIRST · 04/10/2012 19:10

He needs to get that message DOWN ASAP. If he is 21 he is likely to be looking for employment soonish and employers will look at fb history of prospective employees,

Casmama · 04/10/2012 19:10

May be so but that is still supplying it. His biggest issue seems to be bloody stupid friends who would post such things on facebook - he needs to have strong words with them.

TheOneWithTheHair · 04/10/2012 19:12

I thought that DameFanny. It's a fine line to tread with regard to cutting his funds. You really don't want to push him deeper into it.

I appreciate that it's galling to think you are paying for his drugs but I think communication is the key here.

Original poster

SimplyObsessed · 04/10/2012 19:19

Thanks for the responses. :)

OP posts:

DameFanny · 04/10/2012 19:33

Fwiw, and I can imagine your stress levels are through the roof at the moment, but their is a big difference between taking drugs at 21 and starting in your early teens. He's a lot more likely to use them 'socially' rather than getting into the whole lifestyle as a younger boy might.

I don't think drug taking is at all a good idea - not least because it makes people astonishingly dull - but you need to make sure you're keeping communications open with him for now.

Hope things turn out well for you both.

margerykemp · 04/10/2012 19:58

Try to not take it as a sign that you somehow failed as a parent.

Most kids experiment with drugs. Even the 'good' ones.

Other than talking to him about the health risks and the unethical nature of its manufacteur I don't think there's much else you can do.

flow4 · 04/10/2012 20:06

Many people take drugs in their 20s, and imo it's much less of a concern than starting in your teens. If he's doing well in college and keeping his life together, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

However, he needs to be clear that "getting it for a friend" IS dealing, in the eyes of the law. He's committed the offense of 'supplying', and he's a fool if he leaves that on his FB page. Here's the CPS guidance.

Coconutty · 04/10/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock · 04/10/2012 20:19

If he can't do it when he's a student when can he? I'd rather a bit of weed than shit-faced on vodka. Am surprised he confides in you with this over-reaction.

suburbophobe · 04/10/2012 22:40

There's a lot of overreaction on MN lately about drugs, Numberlock....

Drugs have been around anyway for 1000's of years and certainly in Britain since the 60's.

Most people will have tried it -at least cannabis - sometime in their life.

Where DC are involved, best to start talking about it early on, let them know the dangers and keep the lines of communication open.
....

And yes, tell your DS not to put it on FB. They're still illegal.

gettingeasier · 05/10/2012 16:43

He didnt put it on FB though it was his friend right ?

Well done on getting him to 21 without having dabbled in drugs before, I will be delighted if I can do the same.

I would keep an eye open and your mouth closed at this stage it doesnt sound serious to me and you dont want him to close you out

quicknamechange62 · 07/10/2012 14:56

I had the police at my door yesterday. My under 16 was caught with cannabis on him. He says he's tried them about five times.

I know he's absolutely beside himself with shame and realises he's been stupid. He's vowed never to go near them again and says he's so sorry for disappointing us.

I am so very upset and we just don't know what to do. He's grounded obviously, but how does he regain our trust? What do we do to make sure he's trustworthy again?

This is a lad who has never in his entire life caused us a second of bother before.

Numberlock · 07/10/2012 15:48

quick - what is it that bothers you most about the situation?

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Spidermama · 08/10/2012 16:47

I'm with numberlock. Back off or risk losing him. He's 21.

LongTimeLurking · 10/10/2012 08:44

I would point out to him that 'sorting out' stuff for mates will be viewed as dealing by the law. Not really what most people would consider a drug dealer but that isn't going to help him much if someone in authority happens to stumble across that facebook post. I would suggest he delete that ASAP.

Otherwise I would back off and mind your own business..... smoking a bit of dope while at uni, hardly shocking is it? Next you will be telling us that shock horror, he is having sex with random girls or going out drinking every night............ get a grip. He is 21 not 50, what do you expect really.

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