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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help! my 16 yr daughter left home

29 replies

wibble1st · 16/09/2012 12:41

My daughter (just turned 16) left home in the middle of the night whilst I was asleep. She has moved in with a friends family not far away. Came back 4 days later for all her stuff said she didnt like me and went.
Has told her brother that we are not family anymore as her friends family are hers from now on, the mother even listed my daughter as her own on facebook!
Now I cannot find her on facebook she wont answer any text, has anyone got any suggestions for me please. Devasted mum.

OP posts:
antshouse · 16/09/2012 13:55

Sorry, no useful suggestions but maybe she'll find that the grass isn't always greener somewhere else. Hope things work out for you and someone can give you some useful advice soon.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 16/09/2012 14:01

I left home at 17. I had my reasons.

I dont know the ins and outs but I am sorry this has happened. That woman is very out of line to have taken your daughter in and put it on fb with no regard to you. But atleast you know shes not out roaming the streets I suppose.

Will she communicate with you at all?

saintlyjimjams · 16/09/2012 15:15

Gosh, what a shock. Have you been clashing recently?

Original poster
wibble1st · 16/09/2012 21:24

no not at all

OP posts:
Original poster
wibble1st · 16/09/2012 21:28

i shouted at her about being careless leaving school bag on bus with keys and her name and address in their together. later I gave her a kiss and a cuddle and said we would sort it out.
she wont answer her phone to me it is as she has died, dont know what to do with myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
wibble1st · 16/09/2012 21:30

Thank you by the way x

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 16/09/2012 21:32

Oh, wibble. xx

saintlyjimjams · 16/09/2012 21:33

Gosh how awful Sad

Could you write a letter saying you love her and are ready to listen when she wants to talk.

Will the other Mum talk to you? It must be hard if you don't know why.

Or is she prone to amateur dramatics? (I mean that in a nice way, one of mine is very flamboyant and comes out with big statements when he's upset)

Original poster
wibble1st · 16/09/2012 21:40

thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
wibble1st · 16/09/2012 21:51

saintly jimjams, I will write her a letter. the other mum wont speak to me, i did go round there but no-one would answer the door.
My eldest son (hes 28) has seen her to speak to at her boyfriends (i didnt know she had one) and she is ok and says she just want a normal teenage life.
I let her stay out til 10 or 12 if its a party etc so perhaps that isnt normal I dont know, but thank you x

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 16/09/2012 22:16

wibble, the other Mum is out of order to list her as her own on FB! What an odd thing to do. Ds1 is 16 and he's very rarely out late so you don't sound at all unreasonable to me.

BlackberryIce · 16/09/2012 22:17

How is she financing herself now?

Original poster
wibble1st · 17/09/2012 18:18

chipmonkey - thank you x

BlackberryIce - I have no idea, she was getting just £20 a month off me, pocket money, but as shes not here she wont be getting that. thank you x

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 17/09/2012 23:52

wibble, there's no chance she's pregnant and doesn't want to tell you?

beagreassive · 18/09/2012 04:21

I left in almost exactly the same way at 16. I left it a week to go back to talk to mum, because I needed her to know I meant it. She wasn't a horrible person and could not understand at all why I was "doing this to her". however, she was lost in her own grief at my grandmothers passing, was unaware of the pressure she was putting on me, and could not see things from my perspective at all. We maintained a relationship for many years, but now have no contact. I have teenagers myself now, and try very hard to listen to their view of what is happening when we disagree. I am not saying you are in the wrong, any more than my mum was... but I couldn't live with my mum. I have no real regrets about the way that I left home.

flow4 · 18/09/2012 06:14

Oh wibble, what a shock. How awful for you.
It's hard to give advice or make sense of it when we know so little... Can you think of any reason she might have for wanting to cut you off like this?

gemblags1980 · 18/09/2012 23:39

Hi
I know you may have tried some of these things or maybe not for fear of making things worse, but these are the things I would try if you haven't already.

  1. is there a teacher at school /college your daughter trusts who you could maybe enlist to help you get to the bottom of your daughter has made the decision to leave home, once they have spoken to your daughter on her own they may be able to facilitate a meeting between the two of you.

  2. is it possible for another member of your family to seak to your daughter to find out the reasons behind recent events, not her brother maybe but an aunt or grandparent

  3. you could contact family life's formally parent line plus for further advice.
    Good Luck, send me a message if you need further help
    Good luck gemma x

deleted203 · 22/09/2012 01:59

Really sorry to hear this, and amazed that any other mother could be so heartless. I honestly can't see this lasting very long, can you? I'm assuming your DD is still in education - does this other family intend to support her financially? We all know how expensive teenagers can be. I wouldn't be thrilled at being expected to keep one of my DDs friends on a permanent basis. Another mouth to feed is one thing; another person to clothe, buy school uniform, shoes, books, toiletries, etc for is another. Also feel it is really selfish of your DD not to have thought of this. Can you ask your eldest son to point out this out to her?

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmm · 22/09/2012 02:55

The other mother involved needs a slap imo

Tell DD through fb family friend or whatever means possible that she is always welcome home

Then leave it

She will soon realise that the grass isnt greener on the other side

Sorry you're going through this, btw

Karabadangbaraka · 02/10/2012 14:36

Hi Wibble, I realise this happened a while ago now, and I hope your daughter has come back home safely now. This happened to our family a couple of months ago. My 16 year old DD left in the night and it took a couple of days to find out that she had gone to her new boyfriend's house. We contacted the police as we couldn't contact her, and didn't know where the boyfriend lived - we just wanted an address so that we could go and talk, but they were fantastic. They found out where she was and made sure she spoke to us and made plans to come home. I am very surprised that another mother would behave so proprietorially over someone else's child, that is very odd behaviour. Thankfully we are communicating much better now, I still feel very hurt that she went, but don't let her see that. Someone fantastic on here whose name escapes me right now advised treating teenagers like annoying lodgers, so that's what I try to do -it really helps me not to take the things they do personally. I hope it has all turned out well for you both.

Letmeoff1 · 15/01/2021 19:49

@wibble1st How did u get on with your daughter? Im in the exact same position at the moment!

Letmeoff1 · 15/01/2021 20:12

Im in the exact same position but all i get from authorities is SHE IS 16 AND CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS...Grrrrrrrrrrr. She is vulnerable, in a different county, only known the boy a few weeks and now i am certain the mother is manipulating to make money from her! So frustrated

JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/01/2021 09:34

@Letmeoff1 I'm sorry you're in this position. It might be worth starting your own thread as this one is quite old Thanks

Sadless · 16/01/2021 12:25

Same here my son went in July he was 15 at the time recently turned 16. The social services wanted me to do a private fostering agreement which I refused but they still did it. He turned 16 just before Christmas the family he's living with are claiming benefits since September.
The social worker rung 2 days after he turned 16 and said the private fostering has now ended with him turning 16. She asked about us doing family therapy but my husband is refusing contact with him whole he's living with them.
Any way he's been there about 6 months it all kicked off because of covid and him refusing to stay in.
Think he know the grass isn't greener but wants his freedom to come and go when ever he's wants.
Sal

JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/01/2021 12:44

Why is your DH refusing therapy? Doesn't he want him home?

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